No really, I have some 2021 resolutions, and they include swearing like a trucker on Slim Jims and Chiclits

I miss this blog. I miss it so hard. It used to be my happy place, and now it's like a tumbleweed-ridden town. Or, like our old 1930s house with its drafty ORIGINAL windows and spider webs. Loved in the rearview mirror but really, wouldn't new windows be nice?

(And what the fuck, Anderson? Sixty-five thousand dollars for 30 windows? Shouldn't we get $50,000 off for sitting through your 8-day window presentation and oohing and ahhing over your McDonald's heat lamp re-enactment? We made you coffee, for God's sake.)

But 2021! Fuck, yes. Never mind the pandemic and homeschooling three kids while working full-time. Child's play in comparison to my recent epiphanies: the kitchen sink and the moon. 

First, the kitchen sink. 

I am going to be a big girl and accept the fact that after 25 YEARS of living with my spouse, Chuck, he does not give a rat's ass about doing the dishes. He doesn't care if he has to climb on top of dirty dishes to rinse out a coffee mug. He looks into the kitchen and sees NOTHING. So, no more arguing about the sink. If I want to wake up to a spotless sink and countertop, I am going to godamn do it myself. 

 

Yes, I will still curse Chuck under my breath as I wash — notice how I'm protecting my 40+ something hands from dishpan hands so I'm vibrant and filly-ish for him? Sweet, yes? — and daydream about unique ways to make him pay (thank you, Unsolved Mysteries channel on Pluto TV), but I will also remind myself that Chuck snowblows, mows, shopvacs the attic and basement and runs out for chocolate and/or dessert items at 10 p.m. if I'm dying for something. 

He's also super cute and lets me put my cold feet on him in the winter. 

Thus, henceforth, being of sound(ish) mind in 2021, if I want to wake up to a clean kitchen I will do the dishes myself before I go to bed. 

Next, the moon.

I bought this moon lamp from IKEA in 2010. ELEVEN years ago and yet, I never use it because I'm worried I'll need to replace the bulb. 

THE BULB.

So, I plugged it it on New Year's Eve, and it's plugged in right fricken now. The kids love it. I like it. Thus, henceforth, being of sound(ish) mind, I shall plug in my lamps.

Just like that — BAM — I've tackled the spoons and the moon, and it's only January 2.

Maybe, just maybe, I've cleared out some blog cobwebs, too.

But what the fuck with the windows?