ABOUT ME

About me: My husband Chuck, our six-year-old Junior, our three-year-old Everette and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

If I start to grow facial hair I'm gonna be pissed


I’d like to switch gears and talk about a serious matter—a matter called “What happens when you and your partner switch roles so completely you no longer know if you should pee sitting down or standing up.”

Let me be clear: I am in no way suggesting that my husband is any less of a man because he is the one who’s home full-time with Junior. He’s 100% certified man beef.

But.

Chuck’s going into month #3 of being a stay-at-home dad, and some days I feel like the dude. Take yesterday. I called home to see if he and Junior would be up for a lunch date. When Chuck told me Junior was still napping, I said, “Well, I guess it’s silly to come home.”

To which Chuck replied, “So I guess it’s silly to come home on your lunch hour just to see your husband. I made stew. Harrumph.”

(I waited for him to try to lure me home with sexy attire, but he wouldn’t take the bait).

And that night! I walked in the door, ripped off my shoes and just Wanted.A.Beer and he started telling me about the utility repair guy and Junior’s new word and the weekend forecast, and when I told him I needed a minute, he got all hurt and said he was sorry: He hadn’t had any adult conversation all day and just wanted to talk.

My husband wanted to talk.

With words.

Oh, you sneaky universe you! You just handed me a big ass plate of What I Wanted in a Husband and well, honk my hooters, I think—heh heh—I’d like a side of This Feels Somewhat Strange to go along with it.

The thing is, I like Chuck as a stay-at-home dad. When we’re home together, he’s quicker to pitch in because he knows Junior better (and I don’t mean better than me, I mean better than the Chuck who worked 65 hours a week). He’s made dinner a few times. He even did a load of laundry (I said one; let’s not call in the clowns just yet). But he catches me off guard with his mommyisms. Like when he tells me we need to monitor Junior’s poo because it’s a little too pellet-like (duh, he has CMD). Or when he recommends we go to the other grocery store because they’re having a special on grapes.

Not to say that only mommies know about their kids’ turds or weekly circulars but, let’s be honest, for a long time they have been the ones at home in the throes of, well, turds and weekly circulars.

And last year at this time I was the one who was home full-time and I was the one who wanted to talk. So there's a little bit of See, this is how it feels to be cooped up with a kid all winter. But now I know how Chuck felt when he walked through the door after a long day at work and he didn't want me to hand Junior to him before he'd gotten a chance to take off his coat.

Blah, blah, blah. If you’ve nodded off or clickety clacked elsewhere already then good, I can say something private to my husband:

You’re doing a great job. You’re the best dad in the world. I’m sorry the moms at story time won’t let you into their circle, but I don’t want you talking to other women anyway.

(This post was 100% certified by Chuck. I didn’t want him thinking his manhood was under attack by me; he gets enough of that from this man.)

21 comments:

Rachel said...

Sweet!

I keep thinking there should be a reality show where husbands and wives swap roles for a week or two and see what happens. My husband is unwilling to try it, and after reading my own blog, I can't say that I blame him.

And I keep picturing that scene from Seinfeld when Kramer goes back to work and Jerry is pissed that he doesn't have time for him anymore... Not that you remind me of Kramer or anything... ;)

Mary Moore said...

Oh dear.

My problem is: I am growing facial hair...

Maybe you'd better worry if you start growing a penis.

mo.stoneskin said...

But does he put the toilet seat down?

I bet he does.

C.B. Jones said...

Talking...with WORDS? What are these words you speak of? Grunts and howls(and maybe lolcat speak) are the only accepted form of communication.

Suzi said...

Very sweet. You are lucky to have him, and he is lucky to have you. You two make it work and that is all that is important regardless of the MAN who puts hubby down for being a STHD.

Julia said...

My first thought was how sweet. But then I thought that if he has only done one load of laundry I have to revoke my praise... You could tell him he needs to get his act together and do the whole job right...hee hee. I mean, what else is he doing all day long with Junior?

Shelli (wishes she was) Mrs. Burchett;) said...

I used to have one of those fancy SAHD's...he didn't cook, clean, or even watch the kids half the time...now he lives with his mommy hehe!!!

Frogs in my formula said...

I love that idea Rachel. Mary Moore, I'd do more than worry.

kyooty said...

YAY! Chuck, and YAY you for noticing what is getting accomplished, that's something some working people never get

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I agree with Rachel - there really should be a reality show where husbands and wives swap roles for a week... Of course my hubby would be like a totally lost puppy... ;)

Jonny's Mommy said...

That is really sweet and I know, a little, what you mean. On Fridays my husband is at home with our son and he does similar things when I get home. It cracks me up. This whole post cracked me up. And it was sweet at the same time. You are very lucky and so is your husband!

Keely said...

lol, I totally feel like that the days I work and Paul is home. But somehow I'm totally justified feeling the OTHER way the very next day when our roles are reversed.

CBC did a series called "The Week the Women Went" (or something). Basically an entire small town of women picked up and left the husbands to have at 'er. Guess you can guess how THAT turned out.

Holly said...

My BF is a pediatrician, and her husband stays home. She's helped me to see the working side more clearly. She talks about how she doesn't want the kids shoved at her right away, so I should give my husband time to chill for a minute. I'm all like, "Uh, he had the DRIVE HOME to chill." Guess there needs to be balance.

Holly said...

PS. Tell Chuck he's not missing anything about the inner circle. We love our SAHD, but we also forget and start discussing things like cracked nipples, lactating, and thongs right in front of him. He usually gets up to "check on the kids" during those conversations and we all laugh. Then apologize.

clairz said...

Don't worry. About the time you start growing facial hair your eyesight will start fading, so it will all work out.

Leanne said...

Great.

I'm always happy when my hubby's been home for a few days and starts yelling at the kids like I do EVERY DAY. He just needs time with them, then he turns into me. I'm so glad to hear we're not the only ones. :)

Christina said...

That is hilarious! I love being a SAHM but sometimes I wish myhusband can have a REAL feel of what we do...he's only had a taste of it when he had to watch them for a full day once.

FoN said...

It's great you have a stay at home dad! I'm really coming around to this one parent at home kind of thinking, but unfortunately neither one of us either (a) want the job or (b) could afford to not work right now anyway. Yay Chuck!

Rachel said...

I stumbled on your blog because of a comment you left somewhere else.

I just blogged about women making the dough and men baking the bread.

http://schreiberwriter.blogspot.com/2009/03/mama-makes-money.html

Margo said...

I love this post! You should pitch a version of it to a women's magazine... or rewrite as an essay

Jenners said...

I think all couples should have the chance to switch roles like this. My husband is convinced I have it easy being at home, and I think he has it easier at work. He claims he needs a few minutes to decompress upon coming home; I claim that if I have to talk to my son one more minute after being with him all day, I will go nuts. It is good to see how the "other half" lives ... but I know I'll always think my half is harder! ; )