...and then there was the excitement surrounding my belly button. It's an inny, and everyone knows that at some point in your pregnancy, your belly button pops like a turkey timer and becomes an outy.
Zing!
I imagined that magical day, perhaps a little too vividly, for I had grandiose ideas of what that transformation from inny to outy would entail. See [blushing], I kind of naively thought that 30 years' worth of accumulated stuff would come rocketing out and that Chuck and I would be able to rifle through it and exclaim, "So that's where that extra key went!" or "I thought Tiger ran off years ago."
But you know what? It doesn't work like that. Some innies, like mine, just widen in span, morphing and growing into Grand Canyons of belly buttons. With pregnancy #2 it's even more expansive.
Hello-ello-ello-elloo-ooo.
Hello-ello-ello-elloo-ooo.
I feel kind of jipped. I'll never know if something incredibly valuable could have fallen in there without my knowing. Like an original Declaration of Independence! Gold! Pictures of Lost Continent of Atlantis!
Or, lint. Ok, fine, it's just lint.
Grumble, grumble. Don't look at me like that. It's not like I just admitted I wear nipple tassels.
Heh. Heh.
Anyway, thanks for, um, listening. We now return to our regularly scheduled broadcast: Mrs. Mullet Should Probably Get Out More.
(Pssst. Yah, you. I know you have something weird you want to admit now too. Go on, do it!)
16 comments:
I got the biggest giggle reading this post! Thanks, I needed that!
My inny NEVER turned to an outy and both my kids were almost 10 pounds. If anyone is missing a cat they are out of luck.
My inny never popped out, and my belly was HUGE. Mine, like yours, only stretched horizontally. And, ya know what, I never got the dark line down the middle of my belly.
My innie popped out and never went back in. :(
Tiger's fine. He misses you.
Yet another anatomical wive's tale bites the dust!
Mine just went flat. Total gyp. So, you pretty much have the grand canyon of belly buttons, huh?
Hee Hee.
Meow.
And, I love the "Tadpole On Board" sticker on your briefcase. I hadn't noticed that before!
My innie went flat--I got all the accumulated lint out of it at least.
Mine stayed flat too, in some ways I was kind of glad the outtie look kind of gave me the creeps.
Mine never popped out either. I had to make do with the giant pimples that showed up on my ass.
I always thought it would be convenient if it popped out just before labor began, as if announcing that the baby was done cooking.
My inny didn't go outy, either.
My childhood umbilical hernia never healed - how do I know this? Well, whenever I was pregnant (3 times) my big belly aggravated the hernia. Sooo, I had to tape a 50 cent piece over my belly button for the last 3 months of each pregnancy to keep the hernia in. True story!
I'm an innie too. And bellybuttons skeeve me. Even my own. Especially my own. Now I'm upset.
Would Abby fit in there? Can I send her to you?
PLEASE?
Abby would fit, but we'd have to clear it with Tiger first...
I should really stop by more often. You still crack me up. The image of gold and jewels spewing forth from your belly button is classic.
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