Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Life can be such a bridge

Chuck’s been laid up in bed the last two days with kidney stone issues—do I need to take him in more often for servicing?—so the ex-nanny came yesterday. Her son grew a buttload of crooked teeth, giving him a distinct Ferengi look, but I was pleased Junior’s nickname is still intact.

As she was packing up her stuff to leave, Diana told me that Junior was saying the…[here she paused, looking for the right word]…darndest thing.

“Yes?” I asked.

“He was saying, ‘Come on…bitch. Come on, bitch’.”

“What???”

“When he was playing with his Thomas the train set—”

“—Bridge! He meant bridge. That’s how he says bridge.”

“Oh! Of course. He was trying to piece the tracks together to make a tunnel, but they wouldn’t fit. Ooooohhhhhhhhh.”

We had a good wholesome chuckle then. Still, as she dragged her child and cheese and loaf of bread to her car, I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d been envisioning all afternoon before we cleared the matter up: Me smacking Chuck’s ass in front of Junior and nodding towards the bedroom, saying, “Come on, bitch”?

Oops, I mean my Chuck slapping my ass.

Mrs. Mullet, you are not the dude.

28 comments:

mo.stoneskin said...

Thomas always was a bit of a bitch

Jodi said...

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Jeanne said...

Chick, you are too funny!

kyooty said...

ouch for Chuck, but i'm glad you had a back up plan.

Suzi said...

If it makes you feel any better my #2 called a truck a f***. The first time my sister heard that she took one look at me and said "Did he just say f***". I said "Yes, he said truck" and she left it at that with a belly laugh.

Eudae-Mamia said...

Makes you wonder what Sir Topham Hatt's been up to.

Awesome.

Julia said...

I'll be damed if Suzi comments every day before me... What does that say except I get to sleep in longer than her or that I dont take blogging as seriously.

Well that's a kodac moment or a video camera moment. You aught to get that for the record so you can use it as blackmail or something like that later.

And stop being the man for a while. It's ok. ;)

C.B. Jones said...

Wish I was young again so I could use the whole speech impediment thing as an excuse for saying raunchy things. Kids are awesome for that reason alone.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

haha, awesome. I was so sure that WAS the reason he was saying it and you had just been really quick on your feet.

What a disappointment.

Alabama Redhead said...

I've never actually seen Thomas live, in person or on TV, but the expose they did on him on E! news confirms this...he totally is someone's bitch.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Awwww, poor Chuck! Hope he feels better soon...

Eudae-Mamia said exactly what I was thinking when I read that - I was wondering what Sir Topham Hatt's been up to...LOL!!!

♥georgie♥ said...

LMAO...my son had issues with the TR sound coming out as FU so truck became well yanno...lol

Anne said...

I hope Chuck is feeling better. I was fascinated by the Ferengi reference. It says a lot about you.

I love the small children mispronunciations. They are always so cute. Although I can imagine what the nanny was thinking with Chuck in the next room all day.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Kids say the darndest things. Thank god you covered for him so well!!!

Stephanie said...

My godson is too cute but sometimes the words he says for other words are definitely good for a chuckle but sometimes take some explaining too!

Mrs. C. said...

Hee, hee..when my hubby was about four he told his teacher that for Christmas he wanted a great big TRUCK. Well, sort of. He had the tr/f thing mixed up too.

It's funny though, last Christmas when I asked what he wanted he must have had a relapse...

Otter Thomas said...

That "come on bridge" bit could make him famous. All you need is a video of his performance.

Kate said...

Bitch or not, Thomas has made life a lot easier in our house. Upset baby? Give him a train. Annoying baby? Give him a train. And so on, and so on, and so on.

Even though I am in the throes of nausea I am SO smacking my husband's ass tonight and saying, "Come on Bitch!" It might lighten the mood a bit.

Keely said...

So when he asks for a fork with his bridge...?

FoN said...

Whatever - Chuck would love it.

Frogs in my formula said...

Are people suggesting there's something going down b/t Thomas and Sir Topham Hatt?? My virgin eyes!

(I totally agree)

Mary Anna said...

Thing 1 once dropped the S-word one Sunday morning as we were turning into the church parking lot. I was shocked and amazed all at once that he used it in context! (When I picked him up from the nursery that day, I sheepishly asked if he had used any profanity. The nice ladies just giggled!)

Delia said...

Imagine a sweet innocent 3 year old singing, "Amazing Grace." But with the "G" missing and Grace sounding like Grass!!! You should have seen the preacher's face!!

Dto3 said...

I think some ass-slapping and "come on b*tch" works on the kiddney stones, too. Suggest that to Chuck - he might not notice the excruciating pain he's in, at least for a little while anyway. Oh, and tell him to drink lots and lots of water. And, tequila chasers.

Jenners said...

Poor Chuck ... I've heard that kidney stones are the worst. Hope he gets rid of them soon. And you just know ex-nanny was thinking all kinds of horrible things until she got the explanation ... that was so funny!

Andrea Singer said...

That is hilarious! hahaha!

Sherendipity said...

This post was featured on the Connoisseur du Jour Sunday Funnies

Angel said...

wow. Well if it makes you feel better, I have a few of those stories!

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