Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Why it takes 45 minutes to read a 10-page book
“Junior, this is Gossie. This is Gert—”
“—Is that Gertie? Where’s his body?”
"—It's drawn off the page."
"I don’t know, sweetie. Artistic license. Gossie wears bright red boots. Gertie wears—”
“—Are they gonna eat those bugs? What’s on his nose? Is that a bee? Is that a bumble bee? I don't like bumble bees. They eat flowers.”
“—Bright blue boots. They are friends. Best—”
“—FRIENDS! Are they gonna eat that sider?”
"Why they gonna eat that sider?"
"I'm not sure. Sssshhhh. They splash in the rain. They play—"
"—Are they swimming outside? Is that Gossie?"
"—Hide-and-seek in the—"
"They dive in the—"
"—What's that? Is that a banana? Is that two bananas?"
"—Shhh, honey. They're under water. You can't see their heads. Let's listen to the story."
"Why they under water?"
"They watch in the night. They play in the—"
"—Why's he yellin'? Is he yellin'? Is that Gertie?"
"—Yes. They're on the haystacks and they're talking. Ok? Now let's listen. Everywhere Gossie goes, Gertie goes too. 'Follow me!' cried Gossie—"
"Is that Gossie?"
"Yes." (Skip two pages) "Gertie followed a hopping frog—"
"—Why's he gonna eat that frog? Why does he want to eat that frog?"
"She's jumping after the frog."
"Because ducks are good jumpers."
"Ducks don't jump. They SWIM. You're silly. That's silly. Is that a duck?"
"Sshhhh. 'Follow me!' shouted Gossie. But Gertie followed a butterfly."
"Because she wanted to see a butterfly instead."
"Because she likes butterflies. 'Follow me!' shouted Gossie, as she followed—"
"Is she yellin'? Why is she mad? Is she eatin'? Is she mad?"
"She's not mad, she's just talking loud." (Skip two pages) "We're almost done, so let's listen. Gossie and Gertie are friends. Best—"
"FRIENDS! Read it again, Mommy? Read another story? Tell me a story? Mommy? Mommy? Can you talk, Mommy? Can you talk to me Mommy?"
I don't know why there's so much effing laundry. Yes, there are five of us, but we aren't going anywhere. Part of me feels ...
Now that it’s officially over with the nanny, I’ve decided to break up with some more people. Seems like a good time, seeing how it’s a new ...
A few weeks ago in Mulletville Lite, I told you how I had begun to question the integrity of our babysitter, Kim. I believed she was ste...
I left work early yesterday. I was walking around like a hunchback because of terrible stomach pains. Then came the fever and chills. I wa...