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ABOUT ME

About me: I'm a 40-something mother to a pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our tween Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler Cam, and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). I'm a freelance graphic designer and writer.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

I take one freaken nap a year and this is what happens

I decided against the lobotomy. If I can't say no to red wine with a brain, imagine what would happen without one. Instead I called in sick yesterday and took a long nap.

Things were going swimmingly until I woke up in a panic. I had dreamed that I was standing over my boss's desk and seen this manual:



I'm actually a little scared to go to work today.

But then again, which of my office tales could anyone possibly take offense to? George's alleged threesome? The Speed Oglers? The creepy doll family? My Legend of Billy Jean co-worker? The Breastfeeding Task Force? The ponytail sex freak?

See, I have [sweating profusely] nothing to worry about.

(Pray for me.
Pray for me.
Pray for me.)

20 comments:

Lindy said...

Prepare your own manual in defense.

"How to hire employees that other employees can't make blog material out of."

It's their fault - not yours.

A Mom on Spin said...

I second what Lindy said!

And it was pretty damn funny!

Baby News said...

Haha! I like Lindy's suggestion.

Sheila said...

Lindy's suggestion ROCKS! Anyhow-i will be praying for you!!! Hope to see you back in bloggy world soon!

Grand Pooba said...

Don't get dooced!

kyooty said...

the stolen foods?

Ms. Salti said...

I'm with Lindy and the bunch. Take some artillery in with you!

Pricilla said...

Well, you have told the truth, right? So you have nothing to worry about.

And excuse me, you didn't take off for a week without notice to bang anything now did you?

C.B. Jones said...

I'm not usually a prayer, but I'll try it just this once

*bursts into flames instantly*

Suzi said...

They probably enjoy giving you such material so that you can entertain the rest of the free world.

Good luck!

mannequin said...

Maybe foregoing the lobotomy was a bad choice. Where are you? We're worried about you.

It's that damn George, isn't it? Did George narc on you?

Stacie's Madness said...

hahah, good luck, hope it was just a crappy dream.

Mad Woman said...

I like Lindy's suggestion. It's really not on your shoulders at this point!

The Mother said...

Good luck. I don't have a boss, so I can say anything I like.

Leanne said...

Ah well.

Just think if they give you the pink slip it'll give you more time to write that children's book.

And what am I supposed to be doing instead of blogging? Let's not go there.

Okay, I'll just pray for you instead. Oh, and what Lindy says works for me too.

Otter Thomas said...

Don't worry. If your dream comes true then at least you will have a career as a psychic to fall back on.

Keely said...

Oh dear. THAT is why I try not to blog about work. Even though you'd pretty much have to murder someone to get fired around here. Or take a week off without notice to participate in an orgy, and even then they'd hire you back if you gave them some details.

FoN said...

I hope you never get outted - it really is a traumatic experience.

I can't blog about work anymore and it KILLS me. The President and CEO of the whole corporation showed up a meeting a few weeks ago wearing leggings and she had CAMEL TOE. No kidding. There would have been a great post right there but NOOOO. Google had to go and ruin my life.

Sigh.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

But just think!! You could get "dooced", and then make millions of dollars as the next Dooce! Which wouldn't be quite as cool as being the first Dooce, but who wants to be anyway?

down pillow said...

That is hysterical. I'm sure no one is even wondering about you at all today. now isn't that better?