I decided against the lobotomy. If I can't say no to red wine with a brain, imagine what would happen without one. Instead I called in sick yesterday and took a long nap.
Things were going swimmingly until I woke up in a panic. I had dreamed that I was standing over my boss's desk and seen this manual:
I'm actually a little scared to go to work today.
But then again, which of my office tales could anyone possibly take offense to? George's alleged threesome? The Speed Oglers? The creepy doll family? My Legend of Billy Jean co-worker? The Breastfeeding Task Force? The ponytail sex freak?
See, I have [sweating profusely] nothing to worry about.
(Pray for me.
Pray for me.
Pray for me.)