About me: I'm 42 and added another gherkin to our pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our 9-year-old Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
I'm going to switch to water now
A horse. Chuck bought a white horse to help with the lawn and it was going to cost us $500 to insure it. We don’t have $500 to spend on a horse. Which is what I was trying to tell him when the alarm went off.
Thankfully it was just a dream. A dream I had to email to my friend Robyn. Despite her annoying superhuman abilities (running 20 miles for fun, breastfeeding across continents), I love Robyn. She’s a good listener, and she always gives it to me straight while somehow referencing cardio.
I hit send and waited like a good little girl for her response, which was annoyingly slow (was she running again for fuck’s sake?). Finally she wrote back. I won’t lie. Because she’s so thoughtful/squeaky clean/buff I was expecting a concerned email about how I must be frazzled since Chuck got laid off, symbolism of white horse and money, blah blah, and at least one sentence about how I should start exercising.
Instead I got a story about how her dad bought a goat when she was a kid to help with the grass and how the goat had a bulbous uniball that used to scare the shit out of her because when the goat ran, it would slap against the goat’s leg and, because she was a kid, the engorged testicle was at eye level and she was always worried the nut would fly off and smack her in the head.
Um, thanks? Next time I need some dream analysis I’ll Google it, ok?
(I love when friends surprise us, don't you? Especially with a good uniball story.)
(I can't lie, I've had a lot of red wine tonight, which is why this seems a lot funnier than it probably is.)