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ABOUT ME

About me: I'm 42 and added another gherkin to our pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our 9-year-old Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

I want my house back. Now

Dear Glade,

I am asking—no, begging—you to come up with a Houseguests Be Gone spray. I think it would make a lovely addition to your fine family of products. It would also make my year. I don't care about the scent. It can be fish butt musk or banana cream skunk. It really doesn't matter. As long as it makes guests sniff the air and exclaim, "Gee! I must be hitting the road."

Thank you kindly,

Mrs. Mullet

19 comments:

Jay @halftime lessons said...

They DO make something like that...it's called Vodka.

Step one- Drink way too much, and stop adding mixer and ice when it slows you down.

Step two- Speak your mind about your family.

Step three- Everyone leaves.

Frogs in my formula said...

I wish!

Lidian said...

When they make some, I want a few cans too! Just in case. :)

Denise said...

Just wondering if they have a set day they plan on leaving.....you could make a great big countdown calendar and put it on the fridge. You know, as a hint.

Mary Anna said...

Hey, Fish Butt Musk is the perfume I'm wearing today. Step off.

Seriously, though, it would be great to have some sort of family-be-gone for when you've had enough.

Jay has a great plan. Unfortunately, I've tried it and all it ends with is a house full of people with hangovers, which isn't much better.

bernthis said...

while you're writing to these guys, could you please ask them to create one that will attract a man with a job and a dead mother to only me? Thanks

Carol @SheLives said...

Ay-yi-yi...

Yeah, when it's time for them to go, it. is. time! Now I know why my husband sort of growls whenever we're expecting overnight guests. On in particular always stays longer than planned.

What's amazing is how quickly he leaves when we start asking him to help with outdoor projects that we really have no intention of doing.

Temple said...

If Glade doesn't swoop in all Snuggi style and send you some cans of Fish Butt Musk (hilarious, by the way) try this...hand them a broom...or a bag of trash to take out to the curb...or some laundry to fold...

Nicole said...

Oh, please, please, PLEASE! send me some... (pretty, please...) I've had house guests for a MONTH! I can't even blog about it because they read it... BLAH!

Anne said...

Put them to work. It might be uncomfortable at first, but while they may not leave, you can get everything around the house taken care of for you.

Rebecca said...

I always find that a dead carcass, placed in a strategical area, always seems to do the trick.

All the best.

Jennifer said...

And this is why I need a blog that my family doesn't know about!

Practically Joe said...

For a small fee ...
I'll visit awhile too and just hang out in my underwear.
I'm sure that'll do it.

Frogs in my formula said...

I didn't think of that! Random men lounging in their underwear! Of COURSE.

Marinka said...

I'll take a case. Thanks!

Stacy's Random Thoughts said...

OK, it's just not fair that Jay snuck in here with the first comment...because I had trouble reading through the rest of the comments I was laughing way too hard! ;)

Oh, PUHLEEZE sign me up for some! Apparently making your guests feel at home and allowing them to have such a good time makes them really feel at home so much so that they think they are home and simply won't leave...

If only they made stuff for humans like they do for pets - like the "Bitter End Pet Repellent" you can get at PetSmart...or the basic old 'Repel'. You know, something like "Last Resort Guest Repellent"... ;)

Thanks for the laugh! :)

Leanne said...

Ohhh. I like Anne's comment. But if Glade comes up with it, send some my way too. We'll even blog about it for them. Promise!

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

You are funny I love Jay's solution.

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