Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I'd drop my pants for Upchuck Chuck any time

Good grief. Chuck may have the beginning stages of appendicitis. I stayed home from work today to keep an eye on him, which was a real treat since all he did was clutch his stomach and roll around in agony. Chuck, honey, your claim that you “never get sick” doesn’t count anymore because kidney stones and ruptured body parts usurp colds. Hello.

Anyway, I decided to call my step-sister, Patty, because I heard that her husband’s friend’s neighbor’s dog’s sister-in-law’s appendix once burst and I thought that her educated council on appendicitis symptoms might provide us with enough fodder/warm fuzzies to catapult us into more meaningful conversation, like why we never seem to talk about anything meaningful.

Chalk it up to cabin fever/excessive snow/a midday nip of Vodka, Patty was chatty. Before I could even broach the appendix thing, she launched into a rant about how she’d just gotten a call from the school principal. Apparently her son, Jack, who’s in second grade, told a fellow second grader to take off her pants. And she did.

Jack’s punishment was that he had to apologize to the little girl and her parents and eat lunch at his own solitary table in the cafeteria for the week. Patty and her husband also had to go to school for a conference with the teacher and principal. I thought it was kind of funny; Patty was ready to ring his nuts. She was so pissed off that we never even made it to the much hyped appendix banter.

Alas.

After I hung up, I relayed the conversation to Chuck. Then I told him about how when I was in second grade, my schoolmate and neighbor Eric Martin and I were playing in his basement. All of a sudden, he stopped what he was doing and said, “Take off your pants.” My heart starting pounding; I didn’t know what to do. So I said, “You first.” He dropped his drawers and while he was standing there expectantly with his pants around his ankles, I booked past him up the stairs and ran like hell down the street to my house.

Brilliant, right?

All of this got me wondering about our generational role models and if they have anything to do with our ability, or inability, to keep our pants on? I mean, we've gone from this:




To this:


Is it any wonder little girls are dropping their drawers on command? Or maybe I was just more discriminating (you can all just keep your flaky eyebrow comments to yourselves, thank you very much).

If you’d like to know more about appendicitis because you or a loved one are vomiting uncontrollably and you are 100% sure it’s not last night’s dinner, click here.

15 comments:

Keely said...

Ouch. Poor Chuck.

I had a friend in grade school who went to make out with her 'boyfriend' after school every day in the playground tractor tires. But she was from the Netherlands. So maybe we're just catching up.

Temple said...

lol...oh, the second grade "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." Classic.

And oddly enough I thought I was having a gall bladder moment this weekend..or at least that is what Web MD was telling me. But it seemed to pass, so maybe it was a "too much wine and Cracker Barrell" moment,

Anyhoo...my sister has actually had a first hand accounting of a siting of someone actually wearing their Snuggie in "public" while walking their dog...seriously. I don't know how they did it without tripping and killing themselves...I am now threatening Lola the Wonder Corgi with this public humiliation but all she seems to focus on is the word "walk" and gets all excited...

Charmaine said...

You are SO right!!!!

Nicole said...

I hope Chuck is okay--yikes!

No one ever asked me to take off my pants in grade school--although I do have a vivid memory of Susie Johnson telling me about the birds and the bees in her closet when I was seven...

You're scaring me with your role model theory--my daughter is almost four--God they grow so quickly... *tears*

Rachel said...

I, too, had a "you show me yours, I'll show you mine" moment! But it was in kindergarten... *blush*

Hope Chuck is feeling better!

I love your blog, so glad I found it - I've been reading up on past posts! Thanks for stopping by mine today!

Nicole said...

You're a winner of some yummy chocolate bars--from Juicy Alligator--I know, the excitement is overwhelming ;) Just need your address dear, and I'll send them right out! nicole@mousepad.zzn.com

Relimom said...

That's some difference between those two pictures. How could we go from the first one to the second? What happened?

mrsbear said...

I think the 2nd grade floozy needs a stern talking to as well. And good for you, for keeping your pants on, Marcia would be proud. ;)

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Well, I had appendicitis when I was 4 and all I remember was having the worst pain I had ever felt and throwing up in the driveway on the way to the ER.

But now that could just describe a really bad hangover, so I don't think that is much help...

How is he doing now?

Elle said...

Hope Chuck is okay. Our oldest daughter had her appendix out when she was 11. In the hospital there were about 5 kids that came in around the same time with appendicitis. It was weird, like an epidemic of appendixically challenged grade school kids.

When I was in elementary school I used to beg my mother not to make me wear a dress to school because during recess the boys would chase the girls wearing dresses and pull them up to see their underwear. Can you imagine that today?

Anne said...

Oh, I hope Chuck is feeling better and I hope you have excellent medical care in Mulletville.

I never had anyone ask me to drop my drawers. Does that say something about me?

Frogs in my formula said...

To everyone who was never asked to drop their pants, go tell your significant other to ask you right now--I'm sure s/he'll oblige!!

Dto3 said...

I'm pretty sure I'll keep my pants on for Chuck, but I will say a little prayer for him.

Stacy's Random Thoughts said...

Ah yes, the classic 'show me' mode...I, too, 'bolted' when presented with that opportunity as a child...(grin!) It is pretty interesting the differences in role models...and how quickly it's changed from even a few years ago! My hubby says we'll be locking the Little Princess in her room until she's 40, or until he's dead - whichever happens first...(snicker!)

Hope Chuck is OK!

Joanie said...

Hahaha!!! You show me yours and I'll show you mine is classic! Not sure how I found your blog but it makes me laugh!!

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