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About me: I'm a 40-something mother to a pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our tween Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler Cam, and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). I'm a freelance graphic designer and writer.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

We're off to the fat farm

Dentist: "Mrs. Mullet, you're a wimp and your teeth are going to fall out."

Pediatrician: "Mrs. Mullet, your terrible cooking has turned your son's intestines into the badlands."

Vet: "So you don't have time to walk your cats, Mrs. Mullet? Well, do you have time to give them injections for the feline diabetes they're going to have because they are both morbidly obese?"

Did she have to be so mean about it? It's not like I feed the cats cinnamon biscuits and pound cake. I'd have to successfully bake those to feed them to someone. And did she really have to give me a worksheet?

The whole reason we got cats is because they self-maintain. They're supposed to be like stuffed animals that occasionally move and make noise. We've been duped!

But hey, look, I got a rockstar award from this hot mama because I'm "all business up front and party in the back!"

Fat, toothless, poopless wonders saved by the mullet. This is why I have a blog.


jerseygirl89 said...

This is why I avoid the dentist AND having pets. Failing my children is criticism enough.

Mary Anna said...

First of all, I hate when medical professionals get all rude!

Second, I notice on your worksheet that you're feeding the balls of fat Hills RD. From experience, that didn't do anything except cost a fortune and require me to drive out of my way to pick it up at the vet's office. We used Iams Indoor Formula Weight Control plus Hairball Formula. Tigger didn't lose dramatic amounts of weight, but he did lose some. And, we used it to maintain as well. The extra bonus is that you can get it at the grocery store, Tarjay, wherever you shop.

Oh, and I'll send you a few kid-friendly, easy recipes that you can't ruin and that Junior just might eat!

Keely said...

Dude - people who walk their cats are WEIRD. And I totally agree they should self-maintain. They have no other redeeming qualities.

When our dog was overweight, my vet wasn't mean about it. She gently suggested that if you could set a coffee cup on the dog's back, it probably needed to go on a diet.

Frogs in my formula said...

Mary Anna, is your secret identity Heloise??

Nicole said...

Oh m'gosh--belly laugh! I blew my tea through my nose! Where do you come up with this stuff...

We successfully milked 15 years of low-maintenance lifestyle out of my cat... Yep, you guessed it; she now has feline diabetes, and yes, I give her two shots a day.

(I love reading your blog--you are too funny!)

Temple said...

They seriously make cat worksheets? WTF? You may as well just go ahead and stick your arm in a blender instead of try and "walk a cat"...seriously. I could not have kept a straight face. My vet has come to terms with the fact that my Big Boy Oscar (the 21-ish pound cat) is just fat and going to stay that way because, frankly, that's the way he likes it. Walk a cat....really...

Oh, and thanks for stopping by! I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff!

Small Town Mommy said...

I want to see you walking your cats. If they are anything like mine, they are not too cooperative. We have one overweight cat and one underweight cat. That is hard to treat because how do you feed the underweight cat when the overweight cat body checks her away from the food?

Carol said...

I have a self-maintaining dog. I have no idea what he eats.

A little lemonade for you over at She Lives. (Love your blog!)

Marinka said...

That vet sounds like a quack. Hasn't she ever heard of Garfield?