Dentist: "Mrs. Mullet, you're a wimp and your teeth are going to fall out."
Pediatrician: "Mrs. Mullet, your terrible cooking has turned your son's intestines into the badlands."
Vet: "So you don't have time to walk your cats, Mrs. Mullet? Well, do you have time to give them injections for the feline diabetes they're going to have because they are both morbidly obese?"
Did she have to be so mean about it? It's not like I feed the cats cinnamon biscuits and pound cake. I'd have to successfully bake those to feed them to someone. And did she really have to give me a worksheet?
The whole reason we got cats is because they self-maintain. They're supposed to be like stuffed animals that occasionally move and make noise. We've been duped!
But hey, look, I got a rockstar award from this hot mama because I'm "all business up front and party in the back!"
Fat, toothless, poopless wonders saved by the mullet. This is why I have a blog.