Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Thank you, Hurricane Irene, for making me hate the colonists

I suppose I could try to be positive about Hurricane Irene, given that my home wasn't flooded or obliterated by a downed tree and the fact that I've been able to escape to my father's house during the day and enjoy the creature comforts of his electricity.

But I just don't want to.

We haven't had power in Mulletville Lite since 7 a.m. Sunday morning. I think the storm hit at what, 6:55 a.m.? To say it's been the longest week of my life would be an understatement. And it's only Wednesday.

If you read my last post, you'll see my household was battling a flea infestation. An infestation made liveable by incessant vacuuming and laundering of linens.

Guess what you can't do without power?

Yep. Vacuum and laundry.

Do you have any idea what it's like to try to monitor a flea issue by candlelight and flashlight? It's making me batty.

On top of the lack of power, the lack of hot water with which to wash Diddlydoo's bottles or to bathe, and the not-so-quaint activities of living like you're camping indoors (peanut butter and bread for dinner, anyone?), the kids have double ear infections.

Guess what kind of medicine the doctor prescribed?

One that requires refrigeration. I've got the kids' medicine in a cooler by the bed, and I've been monitoring the cooler's temperature like it's holding organs.

Ice cube by ice cube.

And how bout those candles? If we ever hear of a hurricane approaching again, unscented candles will be at the top of the list. My house smells like the fucking Yankee Candle Company.

Though it does mask the smell of rotting food in my refrigerator well.

Between the pine-scented and holly berry-scented candles and the battery-operated window lights we've been using to keep Junior from wailing "I can't seeeeeeeeee!" during the night (God I miss nightlights), it's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

Except for the lack of snow, of course. Keeping the windows open and enjoying the cool nights was a real blessing.

Until the neighbor bought a generator.

Do you have any idea how loud a generator is? It emits an obnoxious gutteral rumble that literally shakes your brain. You lie awake at night dreaming of blowing the thing up. Or accidentally pushing your neighbor onto a downed wire.

Sleep? What's that?

Yes, I hate Hurricane Irene. I hate living without power. I hate the pitch black darkness of nighttime and the Holiday Wreath scent of my home. Most of all, I hate that every time you start to talk about how miserable you are, someone pipes up with "It could have been worse" or "At least you're safe."

You want to know what I'm grateful for? I'm grateful I was never a goddamn Pilgrim. If this is what life was like, it must have sucked. And we don't even have livestock.

I'm so soured by this brush with rusticity I'm banning all things colonial from our lives. We're never going on a family trip to Plymouth Plantation or Colonial Williamsburg. Never. I won't even chaperone a school field trip.

Historic Jamestown can bite me.

Right after the fleas are done.


brokenteepee said...

Goat hugs.
I'm going no further than goat hugs.

Magpie said...

i was going to suggest you buy a generator, but then i got to your generator complaint...they are damned noisy, but it's really nice to have a little power, just saying.

hope you get electricity soon.

JoAnna said...

i was just about to email you to ask how you fared. clearly not as well as i have.... my favorite part is the last paragraph about pilgrims. i have on tap a post about not loving living without electricity. i was without for a whole 7 hours.

not sure why you can't just stick a cord in your neighbor's generator and live it up. will they notice? as they are yelling at you, tell them you can't hear what they are saying!

it's so weird that some people are still without power but it was so not as bad a storm as they kept predicting.

Leanne said...

I can't even imagine. Here's hoping you're back to having power soon and all the fleas have left....

Anonymous said...

Oh good lord! Can I sympathize with your foibles and laugh at your expert storytelling simultaneously?

SmartBear said...

you know you can hijack your neighbor's generator power, right? Seriously...I would do it. Just wait until they are asleep.
I am sorry...this sounds awful. I want to come see you with a can of flea poison and some flashlights. And a generator. It's loud but hey, you would have power.

Lori said...

My grandmother in law used to have a saying, "when I go to hell, I want credit for the year I spent in Modesto"--Modesto is a city outside of Sacramento that she spent a year in in a non-electric rehab center taking care of her war-injured husband.

Good luck with the whole not killing the neighbor and taking his power thing.

Mama Badger said...

Does the neighbor need the generator on at night? They can't power air conditioning, can they? So turn the damn thing off and save some gas, idiot! Sorry to hear it's a bit early American around you guys, still. Yeah, it could be worse, but it certainly could be better, too!

Keely said...

How are you blogging?

Also, very sorry. I hope the power is back soon. Maybe fleas can't live without power either?

Working Mommy said...

Seems as though the flashlights would have made things a little easier - since they go towards the light and all. Wait, that is moths...are fleas the same?? My son goes towards the light too - anything electronic the emits a light, yeah he is there...but that is a different story.


Anonymous said...

I lost my job in 4rx because the Hurricane Irene destroyed the building ..... happy parties , Christmas is coming !

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