ABOUT ME

About me: My husband Chuck, our six-year-old Junior, our three-year-old Everette and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Friday, July 31, 2009

How to have a terrific Thursday

1. Tell husband you don't mind if he goes camping for a week with his buddies. Toss and turn until 2 a.m. as reality of working full-time and having mother stay with you for five days straight sinks in.

2. For first time in five years stretch after getting out of bed. Pull muscle. Collapse on floor.

3. Eat two-and-a-half-week-old birthday cupcake for breakfast. Rationalize that rock hard chocolate is better than no chocolate at all.



4. Try to feed child breakfast while balancing checkbook and applying mascara. Dip mascara wand in pen holder, poke self in eye with pen.

5. Speed to work. Narrowly avoid hitting elderly woman in wheelchair trying to cross street.

6. Narrowly avoid hitting police car while waving sorry to elderly woman in wheelchair trying to cross street, who is now giving you the finger.

7. Take shortcut through parking lot in attempt to beat boss to office. Get trapped in chain link fence trying to squeeze through slot. Call to 100-pound security guard for assistance detangling your 135-pound self from metal links. Rip shirt trying to break free.

8. Dash home to change shirt. Find husband and son watching television in their underwear.

9. Change shirt. Drive back to work. Realize lunch is on kitchen counter and that you are wearing a striped blouse with a floral skirt.

10. Sit down at desk. Realize it's only 10 a.m. and that you have to sit in a wobbly chair all day with a red eye, mismatched shirt, pulled neck, and blue tongue while politely declining boss's offers—again—to coat your hair with her new vice: Moroccan oil.

Send flowers. Please, send something.

27 comments:

Lindy said...

Why do they have to watch TV in their underwear?

And - I've said time and time again that camping is a no-no. No matter if you are the one that is camping or not.

lizspin said...

Look at it this way. . . it will make Friday all that much better!!!

Brandy said...

oh my gosh. that's rough but i bet you make tons of other people feel better.

mom911 said...

But....did u get your dick stuck in a pcp pipe?! I know someone who would GLADLY trade places with you!

*sry u had a crap day.

~Stephanie

Shelli (wishes she was) Mrs. Burchett;) said...

Moroccan Oil is the BOMB!!!

♥georgie♥ said...

LMAO-not at you of course! Oh and i so would have taken your boss up on the morrocan oil-that stuff is awesome
;-)

Stacie's Madness said...

holy cow! hope your day improves!

Kerrie said...

Oh, My! I wonder if our bosses are related. Mine has been trying to "coat" my head with moroccan oil for months now.

Keely said...

Wha? Coat your...HAIR?

Your boss is weirder than mine.

heedpantsnow said...

Hmmmm...Moroccan oil. Gonna have to google that one. Sounds like something I could totally get on board with.

Please, tell me that you washed down that delightful Thursday with a jug of wine or some more potent cocktail!!

Cheers to a Friday that sucks loads less.

Sheila said...

As i always say.....it COULD be worse!!!! And make everyone else stay home - and conform your own "girls campout!" Sounds like a plan to me...

Pricilla said...

Well, at least you did not chip a tooth on the week old cupcake....

blognut said...

LOL!

Have a better day today!

C.B. Jones said...

Is it just me, or is that cupcake choking on a cookie?

Suzi said...

Wow, it only makes me wonder what the rest of the day will bring. Can you share the rest of your crazy insane day? Makes mine look like a cake walk.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

But the good news is...you only weigh 135 pounds. I'm jealous...

The Mother said...

Stripes and florals go great together--haven't you ever perused the wallpaper stores?

Susan said...

Dear God, woman!! Why are you balancing your checkbook?? I didn't know anybody really did that!

A.Marie said...

Hi there; I found you while "doing the drop" with Entrecard. Great post and very funny! :)

Nanc Twop said...

When he was working and you were at home... did you ever disappear for a week without Jr?

Didn't think so.

He's the homemaker now, and I think Jr should go with him on the trip.

Ms. Salti said...

Oh my God! Did this really happen? If I had your address I'd send flowers... or at least a card! Hope today was better!

Staci said...

I used to have those kind of days all the time. Of course, in saying that, I realize that I haven't had one in awhile, so I'm probably totally jinxing tomorrow.

Hey, there's an upside. At least your shoes matched. I've gone to work before with two different shoes. My boss told me when I got back that I should have just worn them that way because he would have. Yeah, sure he would have. What he really meant is he would have had his secretary go get them instead.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Holy Moly! I think after pulling the muscle and poking yourself in the eye, I probably would have called it a day right then and there. Called in sick and watched TV with Chuck and Jr. in your underwear. ;)

Hope today was better! And stripes and floral print match - according to Princess Nagger - as long as there's the same color in each. So there ya go. Fashion forward. ;)

Mrsbear said...

After that you might deserve a bottle of tequila or seven. Not that it would make things better but I'm pretty sure after you blacked out your eye would stop hurting.

Magpie said...

How on earth did the cupcake last for 2 and a half weeks?

Sorry about your lousy day.

Dto3 said...

You still balance your checkbook? You should use our approach. Are there still checks in the checkbook? If so, there must be money in the bank account!

ric said...

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