I don’t have an addictive personality, but I’m having a serious problem kicking the Q-tips. When I get out of the shower I stand in front of the medicine cabinet and daydream about how delicious it would feel to slide that firm little cotton head into my dewy ear canal. I open the medicine cabinet. I close it. I open it. I tell myself that that Q-tip will be the last. It never is.
I need to find a Q-tip support group.
On Thursday, I’m leaving for a mini-vacation with my best friend. I haven’t been away from Junior for more than one night, so this trip is a big deal for me. One might even say it’s caused me embarrassing amounts of guilt and anxiety. It didn’t help that my mother asked me if the trip was the best use of my vacation time since I am already “out of the house so much.” I nicely reminded her that I am taking two days off after my trip so I can spend quality time with Junior—and that I’ll only be gone for three nights. She smiled and told me that enjoying some me time—my first trip in two years!—would be good for me.
Ok, that’s a crock of shit. Chuck said that. My mother shrugged her shoulders and frowned, which made me want to punch her lights out. It also made buying a Mother’s Day card particularly difficult. Hallmark doesn’t exactly make cards that allow you to thank dear mom for inducing unnecessary guilt, being petty and hacking at sensitive issues with an ice pick. Instead I got her a card with some bullshit about how she spreads sunshine wherever she goes.
I hate sunshine.
I thought about asking someone to guest post for me while I’m away but then I thought, maybe the world would like a break from Mrs. Mullet. Actually, that’s a lie. I thought maybe I would like a break from this blog. So I’ll be gone for a few days. If you simply cannot live without me, I’ve got some regurgitated Mulletville posts for you. I chose something completely self-serving in that it makes reference to Chuck’s ample—and 100% guilt- and Junior-free*—romping and my mother’s tendency to be a peckerhead.
* Maybe Chuck is on to something. Maybe we can simultaneously love our children and frolic with friends. Granted, I'll be doing it without the Viking garb, but maybe he is right. (I said maybe, and I’m still going to bust him for the chocolate doughnuts.)
Keely? I'm starting to feel like I owe you money for this.
27 comments:
Enjoy your trip. Everybody needs a break now and then.
If it makes you feel any better, my mom keeps asking me when I'm going to get a "real" job. (I am mostly a SAHM, but I work a little.)
Happy Random Tuesday.
OOOOOOOOOoooh Have fun! Quickie trips are great!
I'm still cracking up about the bullshit sunshine card. That's funny stuff right there!
My husband likes his q-tips as well. Wonder why that is...
I hope you have a great trip! Everyone needs a getaway. It will definitely be good for you. It is a great use of your vacation time.
You deserve a little time away. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty about it.
I have a Q-Tip fetish too, don't worry. I also put the shower head on full force and spray it into my ear.. I look like a dog getting his ears scratched. Now that I put that in writing, it looks weird.
My mom is the Queen judger.
Have a fun trip!
Have fun.
And may I just recommend that you choose one of those blank stationary cards to give for Mother's Day? And maybe, if you're like me, you won't write anything inside of it except Happy Mother's Day, and your name.
That's the only way I can do it because the rest of the cards just don't work for me.
I'm thinking your Mom is projecting her own insecurities onto you.
Okay, THAT I'm going to charge you for.
Have a great trip!
I am all for me time! I am lucky to get away on Sundays for 4 hours to play soccer. 2 of those hours are driving while the other 2 are playing. That is my me time. Although, next year all 3 will be in school all day.....
Have a good me time vacay! All mother's deserve it!
enjoy your trip! it's good for you it keeps you sane, it also makes for new material to write about.
Enjoy your vacation! Sometimes it is nice to get away, even if you think about your little one the whole time you're gone. :)
I just wrote on my blog about everyone needing a break from parenting sometimes. We can't be good parents if we don't get some mental down time once in a while. Don't feel guilty! (more easily said than done, I know!)
Hilarious, and I can relate on so many levels. But with what I have been enduring at home, I would give one of my kidneys and possibly my pinky finger to go away ANYWHERE where my children are not for a few days. Maybe even Mexico, with a good enough supply of Zycam.
I seem to fall back on those "I hope you have a wonderful day" types of cards.
Have a great time on your trip. You definitely shouldn't feel the least bit guilty.
I usually go on one or two "girl's only" trips a year...it makes me feel human and definitely makes me appreciate my family while having a blast at the same time...win win! :) Enjoy!
Ah mothers. . . the masters of guilt. May we never be like them with our own children. Have fun!
This is JUST what I needed--comments absolving me of guilt! Sniff, sniff, you guys are sniff, sniff, the best.
i miss sunshine. it's been pouring rain for the past week!
i'm a fan of q-tips too
Definitely enjoy your trip guilt-free!
And please don't even get me started on guilt inducing mothers. ugh.
the q-tip thing is weird dude.
Enjoy your trip :)
I think it's just a genetic thing that moms know just how to push that guilt button? Crap...does that mean we'll be doing it to our kids in 20 years?
Happy RTT
Just enjoy. To heck with everyone and everything else. You need some down time to practice finishing complete thoughts again. Enjoy. Relax. Unwind. Have fun.
My mother pushed my buttons before I was even born.
And I think I do the same to my daughter, although I swear she's actually pushing my buttons...
Have a great time, you hear?!?!?!
ENJOY your trip away! I just had one, myself and it does wonders for the soul!
You mom is just jealous that she doesn't have a fun girl trip planned!
enjoy yourself...leave your cell phone at home!
Enjoy your trip and your 'me' time! I'm hoping to get some of that sometime... ;)
Another blog friend posted her love for the Q-tips in her ears--I called it an "eargasm". Good to know you aren't alone, isn't it??!
Hey I left an award for you over on my blog. Enjoy your much needed vaca
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