Thursday, May 14, 2009

I bet Joey Greco would find it funny

Here's a picture of the new do. I'm sorry it's not very exciting; in case you couldn't already see that it is longer in front, I provided the visual aid of a red line.

Did you fall asleep? I told you the picture was boring. But honestly, this haircut is gold. An 18-year-old rolled down his window on the highway to wave to me. Smokin! And you know how I mentioned that I am having my portrait painted (if you're new here, hello, I'm having my portrait painted—but not because I wanted to, a painter asked me if he could. It's for his new series "Haggard Housewives").

Tonight was the second sitting, and the guy liked my hairdo so much he started a new painting. Well, no, the truth is that I couldn't sit in the same position because of the fricken neck injury so he had me sit on top of the chair instead of in it.

Doesn't that sound like fun?

Anyway, as I was driving home, I had a brilliant idea for a blog post, so I ran it by Chuck.

Mrs. M: "How funny is this: If you need the perfect cover for an affair, tell your spouse that you're getting your portrait painted."

Chuck: "Go on..."

Mrs. M: "Think about it! It's ideal. It's okay if you come home in different clothes because you could say you changed for the sitting. You have a valid reason for not picking up your phone. It could go on for months. If you pull a muscle you can blame it on sitting for too long in the same position. And if your spouse ever wanted to see the finished piece you could say the piece is in a private collection and not available for viewing."

Chuck: "Are you trying to tell me something?"

Mrs. M: "Of course not."

Chuck: "Are you sure?"

Mrs. M: "How stupid would that be? To tell you my cover?"

Chuck: "Maybe that's your cover."

Mrs. M: "My cover is to tell you my cover?"

Chuck: "Yes."

Mrs. M: "I guess I'll just have to bring home the painting of me riding the armchair."

Chuck: "What??????"

If you're worried that your spouse is using portrait painting as his or her cover for infidelity, this man can help you. And for God's sake if you end up on the show let me know so I can DVR it.


blognut said...

Brilliant idea to tell him your cover. But I didn't understand - Are you sleeping with the painter or the teenager who rolled down his window?

Keely said...

How exactly do you know he's 18, hmmmmm?

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Girls! girls!! Its obviously the hair-stylist!!

Frogs in my formula said...

Ah yes, this blog suddenly seems a lot more interesting, ey?

Lindy said...

Isn't Cheaters a step up from Maury? :)

kyooty said...

I like the new hair too, I'll stand clear or your adulterous ideas until we "don't see the picture" oh wait you aren't posting it? hmmmmm?

Brandy said...

I hope we get to see the portrait. I mean you HAVE to do one now - you told him your cover. maybe etsy?

Kate said...

18's legal baby!!

Anne said...

I like the new 'do, very pretty. Go with the 18 year old. The younger the guy, the fewer bad habits he has.

Magpie said...

So that's what a reverse mullet looks like?

Skye said...

Well, perhaps you will rethink this idea of yours when you read these song lyrics. Just copy and paste the link, you may just get a shock (or at the very least, a chuckle)!

Rachel said...

I love it!

The haircut, I mean.

Your cover for the affair you may or may not be having? Meh. I've used better.

JK. Hilarious, as usual!

Maggie Madison said...

I've always thought the "going to the gym" thing was a great cover. You just naturally wear easy-on-easy-off clothes; you come home all sweaty with messy hair and need to shower RIGHT AWAY; and finally you'll lose weight to keep Raul the pool boy interested. It's perfect!

Pricilla said...

We goats don't worry about such things.
We are whores.
Once a month we will stand for any buck that's ready.

And any buck WILL be ready.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Not bad. Not bad at all. It's obvious you've put a lot of thought into this little plan of yours.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I've put a call into Jerry Springer. You should be hearing from him soon.

Dto3 said...

Didn't find it boring at all. The red line drawing the eye closer to the cleavage is BRILLIANT!

We all have our vices. Mine are just...bulkier

I've been away from this blog for awhile. I know . But see, we are trying to move. Just thinking about moving is hard, but actually tr...