Tuesday, May 12, 2009

It was ludacris I tell you, just ludacris

Ok, I’m done with all the laundry. If I wasn’t working, I probably would have left the laundry for a week or so. But it’s unnerving to have to deal with a mound of shit at home and at work. So I sucked it up and did it. And tomorrow when I go back to work I will suck it up and do it all over again, only instead of laundering Junior’s pajama bottoms I’ll be proofing trifolds.

Ah yes, Mrs. Mullet: sucking it up and doing it since 1998.

Don't worry—that's all the woe-ing is me-ing I'm going to do. I mean, I just got back from a fabulous trip to Baltimore. My friend and I drank, ate, slept and shopped at our leisure. Chuck did a great job watching Junior. It was wonderfully wonderful. Except for one fricken thing.

Do me a favor and click on the video below and turn your volume up as high as it can go. I’m serious.

Can you hear yourself think? Yes? Then crank it louder.


Do you want to shoot your computer? Ok, good. You’ve just experienced what Mrs. Mullet and her friend experienced Friday night in their hotel room. We returned from dinner at the respectable hour of 10 p.m. and…

10:10 p.m. Brrrring, brrrrrring.

Front desk: Yah?

Mrs. M: What is going on? My toiletries are shaking.

Front desk: Huh?

Mrs. M: The noise. My toiletries are shaking from the noise.

Front desk: Your toiletries?

Mrs. M: Is there a rap convention at the hotel?

Front desk: No, just two proms.

Mrs. M: Two proms? What time are they over? We can’t take the noise.

Front desk: Midnight. In 10 years no one’s complained about the noise.

Mrs. M: Well, I’m complaining.

Front desk: I’ll have someone close the doors to the ballroom.


10:23 p.m. Brrrring, brrrrrring.

Front desk: Yah?

Mrs. M: Did they close the doors?

Front desk: What? Oh yah, they did.

Mrs. M: The room is still shaking. We can’t take it.

Front desk: They closed the doors. I don't know what else to tell you.

Mrs. M: My glasses just fell off the nightstand!

Front desk: Ma’am, the proms will be over at midnight.

Mrs. M: Then I’d like to invite someone from your staff to sit with us until then.

The hotel finally moved us. At midnight. So there we were, dragging our bags from one side of the hotel to the other. In our pajamas. And of course we got into an elevator with a group of kids from the prom. The elevator was about 150 degrees from all the teen perspiration and hormonal what have you. Some kid in the back told me and my friend that they were kidnapping us to “party hard” with them.

At one point in my life, a drunken 17-year-old who had a key to his own hotel room might have been appealing. But at that moment, as I stood there in my pilled pajamas and glasses in that Godforsaken, sweaty drunk-on-Smirnoff-and-I’ve-got-a-smushed-Trojan-in-my-back-pocket teen angst tropical heat, I could think of nothing I wanted less.


The next day, we celebrated our pubescent encounter by getting my hair cut. Seriously. I haven’t had a haircut since November. And you know what? We walked into a salon, found a hairdresser whose 2:30 was a no-show, and when she asked what I wanted I told her to give me the hairdo she had. And…

3:23 p.m. Brrrrring, brrrrrring.

Chuck: Yah?

Mrs. M: I just got my hair cut!

Chuck: Yah?

Mrs. M: It’s really cute. Longer in the front, shorter in the back.

Chuck: Holy shit. You got a reverse mullet?



Otter Thomas said...

That really captures how cluesless we guys are about hair. Too funny. Congrats on the reverse mullet.

C.B. Jones said...

A reverse mullet will cause a vortex to open up, and destroy the world. Such a thing completely ignores the laws of physics!

You can't blame this on some lame kids hiring a lamer DJ to play some old song I wish I didn't remember existed.

Rachel said...

Picture, please!

You know, maybe I really do enjoy rap music, what with all the swearing and all.

Nope. Nevermind.

blognut said...

There really does need to be a picture of the reverse mullet. I can't live without it.

Keely said...

Crap. I never thought of it as a reverse mullet, but I have one too. Crap!


So....you didn't go party hard with the horny teens? I can't imagine why that wasn't appealing, especially when you were up past your bedtime and in the middle of having to uproot all your shit. I would be so THERE.

Oh, no, wait. That's my OTHER doppelganger.

Anne said...

You must be hot in your pilled pajamas if some young man wanted to take you home. Even if you didn't want to go, it is certainly a compliment. I would love to see the haircut. Shouldn't we now call you Mrs. Reverse Mullet?

kyooty said...

you would laugh so hard to see my wedding picturees, but I'm hiding them, on FB :P

Julia said...

Come ON! You are really just an old grouch broad now. I can't believe you did not crash the prom and party like a rock star. Really.

Reverse mullets rule!

On you they are vogue. :)

Suzi said...

Reverse Mullet Ha! I bet you loved hearing that from dear loving hubby.

Not crash the prom party? Why not? You only live once right?

Leanne said...

OMG. I don't think my hubby would know what a mullet was never mind a reverse one.

Happy Mother's Day by the way.

And seventeen? Gawd, shouldn't they be in bed by eight pm?

Stacy said...

I love the "reverse mullet" comment! That is priceless!

Delia said...

I think Chuck just invented the next $$ maker. He could be onto something with that reverse mullet comment!

Dto3 said...

No pics of the mullet in reverse?

Lindy said...

That's exactly what my husband said - reverse mullet. To which I said, yeah, I spent our hard-earned money on a mullet and if you'd ever like to have relations with me again...you'll say you like it. :)

Kris said...

I'd have thrown a fit at that hotel too. You're description in the elevator with the 17 yr old is priceless!

Jeanne said...

Everyone, whether they admit it or not, is prejudiced against some group. My group happens to be people between the ages of 14 and 25. They're like larvae -- you know they have to go through that stage to mature, but it's soooo unattractive.

(Hmm. Maybe I should post this comment anonymously.)

Brandy said...

Picture picture picture. I bet it's cute! My husband is good about haircuts - he always tells me it will grow back out when i come home crying. lol.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

haha A REVERSE MULLET!!! That's awesome.

Sounds like your trip was great though, what I wouldn't give to get away for a while. I would even take the horny, sweaty teenagers, I am that desperate to get out of here!!

GreenJello said...

Reverse mullett: more commonly known as either the "fohawk" or a-line cut. I'm guessing you got the a-line, since they're all the rage right now. :)


Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

I am too old for that hotel noise crap. I'd be writing a letter to management and whomever else may listen...

As for the hair, my husband never notices when I get anything done to my hair. Either that's a good thing, or a very bad thing. I can't decide!

Pricilla said...

Sounds like you had a lovely trip albeit noisy at points.

Enjoy your new haircut, reverse mullet notwithstanding.....

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mrs. Mullet, you grumpy old broad you!
You should have partied with those kiddies!!!
Reverse mullet? Pics! Pics!Pics!!

Debbie said...

I cannot imagine staying a hotel with a prom, let alone 2 proms. What an experience.

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