About me: I'm 42 and added another gherkin to our pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our 9-year-old Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Random Tuesday thoughts: the weenie
No matter how bad a mood I'm in, the word weenie always makes me smile. So does this sign:
The signs of summer are bringing back memories of last year. Lazy days at the beach. Sweating. Being robbed by a crackhead. I guess he’s in jail now. Over the winter, the Mulletville courthouse sent me a letter that read, “Mr. Meth is being arraigned. Call the courthouse immediately.” So I called. The courthouse guy said, “What do you think should happen to him?” I got all excited: bamboo shoots under his fingernails, knee kicks to the groin, 100 years plus life plus he had to wear a lacy bathrobe the whole time. After I was done I said, "Is that enough stuff?" The courthouse guy laughed at me and told me none of what I suggested mattered; he just felt like asking. Thanks.
Chuck joined a political campaign. He invited the group over to our house for a brainstorming session, and I had a lot of wine. When they started throwing around possible slogans for Mulletville, I came up with a few: “Mulletville: Life’s too short” and “Mulletville: It would really suck if this is it.” They decided not to use those.
I try not to get too down about this town, but I can’t help it. On top of everything else, our neighbors across the street are jackasses. My brother was sitting outside drinking coffee from one of my pink mugs and they started calling him a homo and yelling, “Nice mug! You’re gay!” Is it any wonder my slogans resonate so?
Elmo looks like he needs a drink:
Or maybe he needs a Super Duper Weenie. Maybe if we had a Super Duper Weenie stand in Mulletville, everything would be okay. Then we could be “Mulletville: Life’s too short to not stop for a Super Duper Weenie.” Course, that’s more than half the town.
If you're in the mood for randomness, head on over to this site. Mention the secret code WEE-NIE and get a special prize.