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ABOUT ME

About me: I'm a 40-something mother to a pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our tween Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler Cam, and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). I'm a freelance graphic designer and writer.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Random Tuesday thoughts: the weenie

randomtuesday

No matter how bad a mood I'm in, the word weenie always makes me smile. So does this sign:



The signs of summer are bringing back memories of last year. Lazy days at the beach. Sweating. Being robbed by a crackhead. I guess he’s in jail now. Over the winter, the Mulletville courthouse sent me a letter that read, “Mr. Meth is being arraigned. Call the courthouse immediately.” So I called. The courthouse guy said, “What do you think should happen to him?” I got all excited: bamboo shoots under his fingernails, knee kicks to the groin, 100 years plus life plus he had to wear a lacy bathrobe the whole time. After I was done I said, "Is that enough stuff?" The courthouse guy laughed at me and told me none of what I suggested mattered; he just felt like asking. Thanks.

Chuck joined a political campaign. He invited the group over to our house for a brainstorming session, and I had a lot of wine. When they started throwing around possible slogans for Mulletville, I came up with a few: “Mulletville: Life’s too short” and “Mulletville: It would really suck if this is it.” They decided not to use those.

I try not to get too down about this town, but I can’t help it. On top of everything else, our neighbors across the street are jackasses. My brother was sitting outside drinking coffee from one of my pink mugs and they started calling him a homo and yelling, “Nice mug! You’re gay!” Is it any wonder my slogans resonate so?

Elmo looks like he needs a drink:



Or maybe he needs a Super Duper Weenie. Maybe if we had a Super Duper Weenie stand in Mulletville, everything would be okay. Then we could be “Mulletville: Life’s too short to not stop for a Super Duper Weenie.” Course, that’s more than half the town.

If you're in the mood for randomness, head on over to this site. Mention the secret code WEE-NIE and get a special prize.

25 comments:

I am Harriet said...

Love the it would really suck if this were it. I'd totally go for it.

Suzi said...

The lacy bathrobe in prison is a nice touch. I think the other requirement should be that the bathrobe is either pink or purple. Even better, the guy gets one last request going in....he can choose his color among the two specified colors.

blognut said...

How much would it cost me to get you to steal that Weenie billboard and ship it to me?

Erin from Iowa said...

Whew! You are hilarious!

GreenJello said...

You totally need to tp your neighbors. Pink tp, pastel condoms hanging from the trees, all kinds of fun stuff like that.

GreenJello said...

Oh, and a big sign that says, "Homos welcome here!"

The Mother said...

I can't believe they didn't go for your suggestions. Sigh.

No one has a sense of humor anymore.

Kris said...

Why don't you run for mayor of Mullettville? Then you could spruce it up a bit. The weenies would have to take your suggestions too.

Brandy said...

I think people are taking you for granted - obviously courthouse guy AND husband group should take your super awesome suggestions and run with them!

C.B. Jones said...

Elmo just realized his life has little purpose.

Or, he figured out that wow spelled backwards is...WOW! That's mind blowing no matter how you look at it.

Peggy said...

This isn't going to make you feel any better but props for you for making the best out of your living situation. I'd go effing crazy in a small town.

If they caught crackey, did you get your stuff back? Probably not huh...sucks!

♥Trina♥ said...

Too funny! The sign made me laugh.

Hey, I'm all for a crack head to have bamboo stuck under his fingernails, even if that would include my own dear (??) brother.

Mrsbear said...

Your neighbors sound like dill-holes. Hope the meth addict gets the guillotine.

Jen said...

Life is too short not to stop for a super duper weenie. If I saw a sign for a super duper weenie I would be sure to stop, even if it was in mulletville, though I would really like to find a super duper weenie in this neck of the woods.

mannequin said...

Gawd woman. A penis on your forehead, a fag in the park, a crackhead assault and a weenie. I am so coming back here.
Small towns purdy much suck, eh sis?

Stacy said...

I love the weenie sign! I would so try to steal it, although I don't know what one would do with a stolen, huge weenie sign....

Keely said...

I wondered what the hell that comment Kris left meant. Thanks for that ;)

Those kind of comments for a pink mug, hey. Wow. Enlightened.

Dto3 said...

Do you ever watch Oswald with Junior? The dog Weenie always makes me smile!

Heather said...

Hee hee....wine does that to me too!!! Red wine just makes my mouth move without me knowing it!!!:)

mo.stoneskin said...

Weenie is a great word. So is Mulletville. Mulletville weenies. Did whoever named the place Mulletville know what a Mullet is? The hair style I mean. Maybe that person had a mullet.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

WEE NIE.

Did I get the prize?? Oh wrong site, nuts! (kinda matches weenie, no?)

Love the sign, that is fantastic. And yes if you were Elmo wouldn't you drink?

Happy Tuesday (on Wednesday) I'm just cool like that :)

Julie@Momspective said...

Wow, we both posted about Elmo. How about Mulletville-Business in the Front and Party in the back?

Jenni Jiggety said...

I think I am going to your town on vacation this summer!

Stacie's Madness said...

roflmao.

thanks for stopping by and glad I came by today for this laugh!

Otter Thomas said...

Awesome randomness! I would steal the weenie sign and hang it up in my house. There is a terrible town in our state whose motto is "Your dream hometown." You could use that one and go for the sarcastic angle.