Friday, May 22, 2009

It's not like I was going to enter the Hawaiin Tropic contest

My boss set us free early this afternoon so we could get a jump on the long holiday weekend. I rushed home to take Junior to the beach.

Which entailed putting on a bathing suit.

Me: "Gawd. I look horrible."

Chuck: "We live in Connecticut. Comparatively, you look great."

Me: "What's that supposed to mean?"

Chuck: "Er, nothing."

Me: "No really. Do you mean that amidst the mass of pasty, jiggly Connecticut people, I look like an eight instead of a four?"

Chuck [holding my shoulders like we're in a scene from the Young and the Restless]: "I think we both know that if we lived in California we'd be screwed."

And he wonders why I don't take my clothes off—at the beach (gawd you guys are gutter dwellers).

If you're looking for a place to visit this summer, I bet the Connecticut tourism department neglected to mention that if you come here, you'll look like a rock star compared to all us white fatties. Now what could be better than that?

(Chuck wants everyone to know that this conversation was taken out of context. As soon as he starts his own blog he can explain exactly how.)


The Mother said...

I know the feeling. My hubby read some of my blog today. He came home and told me that I was really funny, but did I have to broadcast his inability to parent when our kids were little?

Yes. I do. Loudly.

When he gets his own blog, he can give his own opinion.

Suzi said...

What's worse a white fatty or a tan fatty? I live in Cali and try not to take my clothes off. I would be the fatty with the farmer's tan.

Kate said...

I am looking like the underbelly of a beached whale. I guess I will make the trip to Connecticut and then, next to me, you can look like a billion dollar supermodel. What are friends for?

I would love to hear the context in which Chuck thinks that conversation is okay!

kyooty said...

And of course you must link us all up the minute he's "blogworthy":)
I'm going to say you look GREAT! :)

Heather said... sure know "just" the right thing to say to us hu???

blognut said...

Lol! I think I would be a rock star where you live... and my husband can't get a compliment right to save his soul!

Wendy said...

My husband frequently has the same complaint. About the "blogging out of context", not the white flabbiness. Although, yeah, there's probably some of that too. Under his breath. He's a really polite guy.

2 Brits, 2 Yanks, 2 Dogs said...

I live in California - and there are all sorts of shapes at the beach.

Don't you love it when husbands talk before they think?

Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. I let myself get fat this winter so I won't be wearing a bathing suit anytime soon. But I do know there are not really any Hollywood looking people around here so it's kinda a relief.

FoN said...

I live in Saskatchewan. If you came up here we would probably mistake you for Megan Fox.

Keely said...

"Chuck's Theory of Relativity". I think he may be onto something there.

Kate said...

I live in the land of true mullets and cutoff jeans. Yes, we're talking about Alabama people. I do believe that we recently stole back our title of "Fattest State" from Mississippi. {I can hear the clapping and cheering. Taking a bow.} While I cannot claim this award on my own, I think I can say that we owe a lot to fried chicken and McDonalds. So all y'all, come on day-own and give me a veesit and aay garuntee y'all look lyke one of the-em hi falootin' hollywood acters.

In defense of my home state, Alabama is A LOT more than just trailer parks! (Mr. Brian on the bachelorette should know better.)

Julia said...

So I may not have a truckers gut but my ass is big enough to host a golf tournament. And I live in California where we are supposed to all be skinny.

Every time I leave the state I think the other states people are skinnier than the slobs here.

Maybe you should have dashed off to the tanning parlor. They say a tan makes you look thinner ya know. Then you could just worry about skin cancer instead of your body image.

I'll end things on that happy note. Ta Ta!

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I agree with Keely on "Chuck's Theory of Relativity"...he's definitely onto something there! ;)

Lindy said...

lol - my husband has threatened to start his own blog, just because I rejected one of his comments.

It's MY blog dammit - I get to say what goes!

Dto3 said...

Chuck - I'm totally on your side. Besides, we all know that Mrs. Mullet is H-O-T!

The Kind Of Post — except the part where I don't "kind of" have 3 kids

I've been thinking about going back to work full-time instead of cobbling together my income with 7+ freelance jobs, part-time work...