Sunday, May 24, 2009

If you could get back to me by July 4th that'd be super

I hope you’re having a good Memorial Day weekend.

Now that I’ve got you all buttered up, I need to ask your advice. I swear I didn’t start this blog so I could talk about all things bathroom, but Junior’s nearing two years old and you-know-what is right around the corner.

(In case you-don’t-know-what because you’re drunk on beerdogs and Miller Lite, Junior may soon be able to use the bathroom on his own that’s what.)

Recently I’ve begun to think that Chuck and I may have taken the wrong approach to demonstrating to Junior what the bathroom is for. I didn’t want the bathroom to be a top secret room because I worried Junior would have toilet anxiety, so we’ve had an open door policy.

Perhaps too open door.

Today when I was in the bathroom, Junior shoved open the door and started throwing tennis balls at me. Have you ever fielded a tennis ball while on the can? I don’t recommend it.

And lately when guests come over and need to use the downstairs bathroom, which is off the kitchen, Junior will try to push open the door. Then he’ll stand there and shout, “[Insert name] is peein’! “[Insert name] is peein’!”

Guests don’t like to be spotlighted while doing their business. It’s bad enough the bathroom is off the kitchen and you have to clang pots and pans around so they don’t think you’re paying attention because they’ve been in there for 20 minutes and you hope to God they’re not dropping the kids off at your pool because, ew, who does that at someone else’s house but geez, do we really need a toddler providing minute-by-minute commentary?

I could google “potty training” but I know that you, my sexy, astute and sage readers (mmmm, butter goodness) have gems of wisdom to share. Does our household need more bathroom boundaries? Like, should the bathroom be a private, shrouded sanctuary that requires a secret knock? Or do you want your kid to know that the toilet is, well, a toilet and not a magic portal to Jupiter?

I really don’t want Junior bursting into his high school locker room shouting, “[Insert name] is peein’! [Insert name] is peein’!” but like my banner says, I’m a new mom, and like any new parent I obsessively worry that every decision I make might be the one that turns my child into a freak.

I hope you’re having a good Memorial Day weekend. Really.

(I am too, except for the tennis ball bruises on my leg.)


Cathy said...

I dont have kids. But I have a friend with a 5 soon to be 6 year old that just recently - in the last 6 months - finished potty training. He feared the poo. And he liked to do it in his pants. Once he stood in my retail store with a big grin and peed his pants and on my floor. Ithink she drinks alot now. Good times. I am sure Junior won't be like that though.

feefifoto said...

He's two. It's perfectly within the range of normal for him to step way over the line of appropriateness. For that matter, since he's a guy, he may leap over the line and never step back. Just wait until he loudly announces, in line at the supermarket, "Wow -- look at that lady! Why is she so fat? And she has a mustache!!" It's not too early to begin planning your "I've Never Seen This Kid In My Life" face.

Julia said...

Par for the course that is certain. WE have only one bathroom and at one time there was a little potty in there next to the big potty and we would have.....

Potty Parties

Pee-pee Parties


God Forbid!!

Poopy Parties

Much of this occurs when both kids are "competition pooping" or doing competitive peeing. You see when you have two kids they are always in fight mode over the ONE toilet.

This makes very high entertainment value. Then add in Suzi's kids coming over and there could be four kids in there while two are on the pot...

I don't know why I have not blogged about it so far. Just too disturbing on some level I guess.

Eternal Lizdom said...

I'm all about modeling... we do open door pottying around here, too. My daughter is 4 and my son is 18 months. She learned a lot by observing, I hope he does as well. She's been pottying for 2 years now and is just to a point that she's requesting privacy when she potties- which we respect (within reason... silence is deadly, you know).

blognut said...

I would laugh my head off if he stood outside the bathroom door and told everyone that I was peein'!

Besides, he's two. You'll just tell him to stop that before he's like, 30, right?

No worries.

kyooty said...

Well I've done this 3 times the first 2 times? took way longer then I thought possible. This time, he's a go but there was our Easter Trip incident where he wouldn't go to a public washroom without the potty "seat" to sit for poo.
We had an open door policy for a fdifferent reason, my first son was on a apnea monitor and I couldn't hear the "beeps" if the doorwas closed. Then it just stayed that way, now I "hide" in the bathroom.
I think this is definitely a "Chuck" zone, that's one thing we did do we had The Hubbie "show" what to do. :)

Suzi said...

My oldest use to run around the property with his pants down around his ankles just in case he needed to pee or poo. He has been known to drop one outside in uncharted territory.

We have 1.5 baths, yet they fight over going to the "big" bathroom, as we call it. Two will be peeing and one will push the other....pee on the floor, toilet, garbage can, wall...

My youngest and Julia's oldest do competition pee/poo and race each other to the toilet and then fight over who got there first. Never mind that there are 2 other toilets on the property.

He will be fine. Just talk about the guest peeing thing, he'll get it.

Mary Anna said...

Okay, as far as the play-by-play, Thing 1 is 4 and still does it. It's especially fun in a public bathroom when he's asking "Are you going Number 1 or Number 2 in there Mommy?"

We have brother envy on our side with training Thing 2. He loves to sit on the potties but hasn't ever actually done the deed. That's OK - he won't be 2 until August.

Oh, and Thing 1 likes to play "Criss Cross Crash" and "Cross the Streams" when pottying with daddy - he's even introduced several friends to the games. And, he likes to go on the trees outside. We had friends over, and their little boy announced he needed to potty. My Thing 1 pipes up, "You don't need to go inside, just pee on this tree. We can do Criss Cross Crash."

In a nutshell: No advice, just know that you're not alone! Every kid is different - and get ready for all the inappropriate comments. (Wait until he asks if the lady in the stall next to you is pooping because he heard something funny and it's kinda smelly.)

The Mother said...

I would love to advise you on the toilet training thing, but with my boys my score is still: Boys 4, Mom 0.

I got so frustrated I sent all four to grandma. My mother toilet trained all of my boys.

I wish you luck. And a mother who can save your arse.

Frogs in my formula said...

Good grief what have I gotten myself into??

C.B. Jones said...

"Have you ever fielded a tennis ball while on the can?"

My brother once intercepted a pass from the toilet in the middle of an indoor football game we were playing. He scored the touchdown only because he exited the bathroom without washing his hands, or pulling his pants back up, thus, I wasn't going to make the tackle or even watch his effort to finish the play.

He played to win.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

We sort of have an 'open door' policy, too - mostly when it's just me and the Princess Nagger at home...when guests are over or Dada's home, it's a closed door policy. Of course I had to remind her of that a couple of times early on when she wanted to go in while Nana was in there, you know, because she's a girl and it's OK... :)

I had a potty chair next to the toilet downstairs, and one of those little potty seats for the upstairs bathroom - in the beginning I had the Princess Nagger come in and sit on her potty chair while I was in there for her to get the best friend, who has boys, had them go potty with their daddy to get the aiming thing down to a science... ;)

When it was time to totally potty train the Princess Nagger, we got a bunch of miscellaneous prize-type things from the dollar store and would hang a new item up out of reach but within view so she would be motivated to stay dry for the entire day, making sure she went potty either in the potty chair or only took her just over a week to do that, and once she was done she was bummed there were no more prizes to be had for staying dry all day... ;) We did do a 'big prize' if she went a full month with no accidents, so I also think that helped with her motivation, too... :)

Jeanne said...

I've never actually potty trained a kid. My mother-in-law potty-trained my daughter. At 18 months. And she's still an overachiever.

Mostly, I like to sit back and watch other people struggle with this part of parenting....

Leanne said...

He's two. Just grab him by the hand, and tell him that talking about others peeing and thowing stuff at them is inappropriate. Say it in a loud voice so everyone knows you're a good mama and you're golden. Other then that don't worry. When you're ready to REALLY potty train him, post again and I'll tell you the ONLY way to do it that works. Honest.

Jenni Jiggety said...

It's alllll good. It is a good thing he is spotlighting the business of you guests, because it shows he is interested.

And if they don't like it, you can give them directions to the nearest gas station. :-D

Fragrant Liar said...

Wait. It's NOT a magic portal to Jupiter? Boy has my mom got some 'splainin' to do.

Otter Thomas said...

I have no advice, but Thank you so much for reminding me of the phrase "dropping the kids off at the pool." How could I ever forget that one? I can already see my wife's frown when I pull that one out later.

GreenJello said...

I did the open door bathroom in my house. The girls were very interested in the whole business, and would also announce what people were doing when busy doing their business.

They do grow out of it, I promise. :)

Dto3 said...

I did have a great Memorial Day. REALLY!

So, my first was the worst experience, so since you're on #1, I'll give you some advice. Naked and $75. The deal is that kids will not potty on themselves, so if you have them run around naked for a week (by the way, I suggest you take time off from work, your co-workers will appreciate not having a naked Jr. around), they will not pee their pants (mostly because they don't have any on). Then, after they've peed and possibly pooped on every surface in your house, the $75 is to have the carpets cleaned. I'm sure the price is higher now, but the concept still stands.

Regarding fielding a tennis ball on the can - haven't done that, but that was my kids' favorite place to ask me to read them a story, and then they'd sit on my lap while I did it. Kids have absolutely no filter and thank God they've grown out of it!

Katie said...

Send 'em to gramma and let her potty train them with candy as a reward. I'm not a bad mom, it just worked out that they performed better for grandma than for mommy. At least number's 3 and 4. Otherwise I highly recommend the 'Taking-all-the-christmas-presents-away-while-at-the-inlaws-on-Christmas-Day' strategy. Sounds mean, doesn't it? I had a son past three who was feeling pretty lazy about pooping on the potty. Prefered letting mommy do the dirty work. I took his toys away and told him he could have ONE back each time he pooped in the potty (he was a three time a dayer). Five minutes later (and he'd JUST filled his diaper) he did the deed in the right spot and was instantly potty trained. Not a single accident ever.

The bonus was I pissed off the in-laws. It was great!

We all have our vices. Mine are just...bulkier

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