Why do I like this meme so much? And how the hell does Tuesday keep coming up so fast?
I played Jesus in a church play when I was 11. I didn’t want to. I was the new girl at church and someone else got the part I wanted: the bush. At the time I thought Pontius Pilate flew airplanes.
What happened to the man who always wanted to shovel our driveway? Chuck bitched all yesterday morning about his aching back so we wrote “yes” on an index card, but he never showed up. I hope his crooked, wobbly leg didn’t cave in underneath him. You’d think Chuck wouldn’t want someone with a gimpy leg shoveling, but he likes it when other people do his yard work—especially the old Polish guy who mows the lawn and prunes the bushes. Chuck looks out the window and says, “I hope he doesn’t croak” but then tells him to come back in a few weeks. What’s up with Chuck? When we bought the house he said he loved yard work. And why when I wrote “yes” on the index card did I feel like at any moment someone might knock and ask me how much I charge?
Why did I dream last night that I was in a horror movie and that I was the only one who knew it? No one listened when I said that all the classic elements were there: a pool party, teenage chicks in bikinis, blaring music, someone walking around with a knife. For once, I was actually glad the cat woke me up with his meowing. Chuck wasn’t glad when I dug my nails into his thigh and told him if the cat didn’t stop I’d remove his vocal chords with my bare hands.
Speaking of cats, when did Chuck become the Cat Whisperer? No sooner had we brought the first stray he’d been feeding to the shelter than another three show up at our door. I don’t want to be the cat people. Maybe that’s why the shovel man didn’t come over—maybe he couldn’t see the index card over the tops of all the stray cats my husband is feeding. Or maybe he saw all the cats and didn’t think he could climb over them with his gimpy leg to get the shovel. Maybe I should write “the shovel’s by the road” on the next card.
On behalf of the 50,000 people participating in this brilliant meme, thank you Keely.
26 comments:
Maybe the shovel guy slept in? I have had a dream like that before I didn't sleep for over a week because it would start again every time I did. Like I kept rewinding the dream and forgetting to take it out of the dream Bata/VHS/DVD player.
OF COURSE you wanted to be the bush. LOL.
I had a zombie dream after that *7%$ painting I found. Of course.
Here's hoping the shovel guy got a legit job...
I have two things to say to you. 1) I love that one of your frogs is holding a sword and 2)the second paragraph had me laughing so hard i almost peed myself. Well played.
Wow! Jesus! What were they thinking?
We had a stray cat around our house and we finally coaxed her with some food. She was a mess with matted fur and super skinny and super stinky. We caught her and brought her to the shelter and I was so afraid they would think she was ours and I was a neglective cat parent.
After reading your post about the shoveling dude (hey why isn't shoveling double ll-ed) I had a dream about a shoveling Gang coming to my house. I think I blogged that dream. creepy and they wanted to charge me for work I did!
No, Chuck is not the cat whisperer. The cats are all Chuck whisperers.
Seven years ago I began writing about our adventures with stray cats: http://l-empress.liscious.net/older/005538.html
Though I long since stopped feeding them, there are still one or two who remember and sit on my porch. Senile dementia, I think.
How does one get invited to said pool party?
I think you should put a sign in your window that says "FIRED". What's the use in having a shovel guy who doesn't show up when you really need some shoveling done.
I once dated a guy who called himself the vagina whisperer...probably totally different than the cat whisperer : )
Hilarious randomness!
There is no way I would want to take on the responsibility of being Jesus. I would have most certainly tried out for the bush as well. Thing is, I would have gotten the part.
I have a daughter who brings home strays. But I make her find new homes for them. We've even had a couple of litters of teeny kittens here before. **sigh**
My mother-in-law is the official cat lady, 11 and counting. Just send the strays over to her, she won't turn them away.
Hope the gimpy guy comes back to shovel your walkway.
as another of the 50,000 people, thank you! I was the bush once in a church play but I wanted to be someone with a LINE. those horror movie dreams are pretty common. I wonder what they mean?
Was playing Jesus your way of telling us you had a major facial hair problem at 11? Or was the bush just the hip roll?
Maybe the shovel guy doesn't need you anymore. Maybe he won the lottery. Maybe he was eaten by the cats (wasn't there a movie about that?)
What do you mean, Pontius doesn't fly a plane?! What the hell???
If I had the funding, I'd buy that "holy crap! We're in a horror movie but everyone else is to dimwitted to realize it!" idea from you.
Your cat could probably be the biggest feline star since Toonces, the driving cat!
Hi Frogs! Stopped by to say hi and have a good laugh... The cat whisperer, huh? *hee hee*
Hi Frogs! Stopped by to say hi and have a good laugh... The cat whisperer, huh? *hee hee*
my cat occasionally gets kisses for remembering-to-wake-me-up! when my alarm doesn't go off.
and he also occasionally gets promises of murder if i could get out of bed ...
don't worry ... i think we have the current label of "cat family".
eek.
What's with that shovel guy? He didn't show up here either. :-)
Old Dog always complains about his back, too, but up until this year he's always been too cheap to hire anyone.
Yay for Random Tuesdays! Did you get any knocks on the door?
LOL-Pontius Pilate DOES sound like an aviator! Sorry to here that gimpy-leg guy didn't come to shovel your drive! I was so disapointed to find out (AFTER we bought our house, of course) that the cliches about men and yardwork were true. :p
This is why i fear moving to the suburbs. Who is going to shovel my driveway???
Don't you know...cats are like potato chips, you just cant have one. We started with one and now have five. There's one more who is sneaking up to eat at the porch now and it's likely it will suffer from high speed lead poisoning. We just cant be a 6 cat property.
Maybe the shovel guy DID croak? Wouldn't you feel like an asshole then. :)
Cats are weird - I don't get them. Cute 'tho!
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