Why does Junior only get sick on days that Chuck has doctor's appointments or family deaths? Chuck's at the gastroenterologist's right now and I'm home from work tending to profuse puke. And why does Junior like to puke in Chuck's slippers? No sooner had the wonderful customer service woman from LL Bean patiently explained how to clean vomit off sheepskin then Junior upchucked into them all over again.
Speaking of puke, why did Chuck have to take his brother out to celebrate his 21st birthday in my car? Of course he puked. The only thing worse than driving to work in a freezing cold car that reeks of puke is driving to work in a warm car that reeks of puke. For this reason alone I am hoping the weather stays in the low 30s.
Why can't people listen? The man across the street who was laid off months before Chuck keeps shoveling our walkway then asking for money. I told him if we wanted him to shovel we'd ask him. He suggested I leave a note in the window that reads "yes" or "no" instead. I agreed, but in the dark crevices of my mind I thought of other things I'd like to leave on that note. Something like "we're poor too, dipshit."
My hot flame from second grade who found me on Facebook finally posted a picture. It appears that his hotness also peaked in elementary school.
Why does Junior take two-hour naps for Chuck and sleep until eight? I think it's a male gene conspiracy.
How is it possible that my boss grows a flaky booger in her right nostril every day at 3 o'clock? I know this because she pops into my office to check in at that time, and when I look up I can see into her nose and there it is! The same shape and size and everything! Can someone explain how this is possible? If someone marries her I hope he'll bring this up nicely.
Why does Chuck tell me, "It looks like you'll be getting that new bathroom you wanted" like he's giving me a present? We have to redo the bathroom and as far as I know, both of our names are on the checking account and my hands will be laying grout or stripping tile or whatever the hell you do to old bathrooms too.
Why am I blogging during Junior's naptime instead of writing "NO" on an index card and taping it to the front window? (Yah, it's snowing again.)
For more randomness, hop over and see the Un Mom, the swearing brainchild of this mental snack.
19 comments:
Tell the shoveler to at least hit up COMPANIES, not individuals!
Or tell him to come shovel my walk. I'm poor too, but I'm still willing to pay to cover my laziness.
My kids always sleep longer for the hubby too. It makes me INSANE.
My boss doesn't have boogers, but her hair gets uglier as the day gets longer. Does she go home for a quicky every day at lunch or what?
There's something about slippers, I guess. My kids never violated them, but angry kitties do more than puke...
I bet Junior likes to puke in the slippers because they are soft. What is the fun of puking on linoleum. Considering your brother in law puked in your car, I think cleaning the slippers is above and beyond.
LOL at "flaky boogers".
I wish my random thoughts were so interesting!
hahaha! too funny about the peaking in grade school. that seems to be a trend on facebook!
I like the random rants. It makes us all real. Have you ever thought if....nah won't go there.
Isn't some rule of nature that if they were hot in school they loose their hotness as an adult and if they were geeky in school they are hot as an adult? I think it is God's sense of humor.
LOL...you are soooo funny...I mean not many peeps that can make puke or boogers funny!!!
Hope your lil one gets better soon and dont forget to write NO on an index card LOL
Suzi, you can't leave me hanging! Have I ever thought if....? Aggghh!
Well at least pukey slippers are easier to toss out then a pukey car! LOL!
All that puke...poor thing! ;)
I think babies and small children sleep longer for daddies because they instinctively know that daddies don't know what they're doing like mommies do...or at least that's the way it is in our house. If Dada asks the Princess Nagger what she wants for breakfast, she'll tell him to let me know she's hungry, because I'll have the 'mental list' of what she likes or what's available for breakfast. He feels so lost...(grin!!)
I totally love you for stopping in the middle of cleaning up puke to call LL Bean in an attempt to save a pair of slippers, and humoring your pushy neighborhood shoveler. I'd say that I get what was meant when your dinner guests called you a Mary Poppins in your last post, but that tart of a snow-woman totally proves that you live on the edge! Great randomness. :)
I hate getting puke in my shoes and in my car.
If I were the flaky booger lady, I'd want someone to tell me. Although I probably wouldn't if I were you. It's got to be hard not to stare...
Hope the vomit thing isn't catching.
Why is it anything "household" that get's fixed or purchased is considered a gift to the lady of the house?
Father's day? a round of golf...Mother's day, a set of pans... humph!
Flaky boogers...lol
I really hope your near relatives and work associates have NO IDEA that you blog... or they have a really good sense of humor and can laugh with us, and not get out a rifle and shoot us all. Maybe you could put a box of tissues on the front corner of your desk, real casual like.
God I hate it when men do that This-is-your-lucky-day shit! I don't understand why you cleaned the puke out of his slippers.
You shouldn't have to write out a card that says"no" for something he's doing on his own. It's neighbourly to help others shovel, it's not neighbourly to ask for money AFTER it's been done. It's his own problem if he wasted time shoveling it!
That neighbor sounds insane, how rude is that to expect you to pay when you guys are struggling too.
You've got a lot of puke in your life, I'm so sorry.
I've known people with the perpetual boogers, they're freaks of nature. Plus, you can't stop staring at them and take them seriously..
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