Monday, February 16, 2009

It felt so wrong and yet so right

The plan for Sunday night sounded good: Our longtime friends Ron and Sandy would drive to our house with tequila. We’d whoop it up. Order take out. Maybe watch a movie.

They’d bring their nine-month-old and three-year-old.

Screech! What? A sleepover with four adults, three kids and two cats? What kind of freaky sitcom is this?

I’ll tell you what kind: a very long, tiring one in which two couples beat down by the New England winter and childrearing desperately cling to each other in the hope that frivolous fun can still be found.

It can’t. Especially not in Mulletville (I spent Friday’s lunch break eating a Burger King burger in the parking lot of TJ Maxxipad—that was my big outing and that’s how little this fucking town has to offer in the way of fun. Would it kill the mayor to put in an eatery other than the 99? Can we get a Banana Republic already?)


In all fairness, the four of us partied hard from the time the last kid’s head hit the pillow at 7:30 p.m. to the time the first adult’s head hit the pillow at 9. Chuck was the last man standing at 11. I think he went down to the neighborhood bar just to, you know, keep up appearances. That would explain why he crawled into bed at 2:30, which was just about the time the low moans and howls started.

We lay there and listened.

And listened.

And listened.

No, we're not perves. It was Junior. On the monitor. Gurgling and grunting and—wait! Junior doesn’t make those noises anymore.

“It’s not our kid!” I cried with joy. “It’s their monitor. We’re picking up their monitor. It’s their baby! We can go back to sleep! Oh, Chuck! We can sleep!”

Suddenly I was struck by the horrific mental picture of Ron and Sandy in the guestroom with a crying baby and cranky pre-schooler. Rubbing their eyes and wishing they hadn’t done tequila shots. Yawning and tired and wanting to lie down and sleep and have their children sleep and sleep and sleep and oh wonderful sleep.

And oh sleep was wonderful after I turned off the monitor and climbed back into bed. In a year and a half, that’s the only time I’ve been able to shut off the noise coming from the other end and not feel guilty. And holy shit, I was giddy. I still am. I’m all juiced up to play another round of turn off the monitor. The power! The rush! The fricken euphoria!

(Are you wondering about my fun barometer right about now? Cause I’ll admit it, the Maxxi Pad lunch break was a new low, and I am worried I won't be able to climb out of this sandtrap.)

Until next time, Mulletville.


Suzi said...

Isn't it amazing to get a good nights sleep. Congratulations on your first of many. Until the next kid anyway.

FoN said...

Just wait until Jr. is old enough to ship him off for the night somewhere else!! That is the greatest feeling ever. It's like you're handed your life back for 12 glorious hours.

Halftime Lessons said...

SO Jealous.
Oh wait...we have 2 monitors in our room, and I ignore them both. That's women's work.


Nicole said...

God, I'd forgotten how sleep deprived I was the first couple years of Kate's life--

Now--if I need a good night's sleep, I kick Scott out of the room (his snoring makes plugging the monitor back in for interference sound like a good idea...)

Keely said...

I always wake up a little surprised when that happens. Considerate of their kid to wake you up halfway through so you could revel in the fact that you were allowed to sleep ;)

Joanie said...

How great was that when you realized it wasn't YOUR monitor making the noise!

When my oldest was a tween, I used to put the baby monitor in the basement when she was down there with her friends. I didn't trust those kids as far as I could throw them!

Leanne said...

Hmmm. It's scary what makes us happy these days. I keep telling myself it'll get better soon. Like in twenty years. Sigh.

Dto3 said...

We learned early on that as long as the railings on the crib were high enough, we could turn off the monitor without guilt. Sleep, oh wondrous sleep! Wait, maybe I only did that in my dreams? Oh well, either way, it sounds good.

Rachel said...


My husband and I went out to lunch *sans kids* this weekend. Some other kid in the restaurant was throwing a fit, and it was like music to my ears. Seriously, I enjoyed hearing it since I didn't have to do a thing about it.

I know just how you felt.

kyooty said...

The 99 is one of the things we miss from living in NE, but I've survived 6yrs now. The monitor? we turned it off for #3, I didn't use it after I heard the neighbour's kids more then mine.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

That actually sounds really fun.

Which goes to show you how fun MY life is as well.

9 p.m. is late!

Rachel Tamed said...

Tequila and babies - you are brave souls!

Heather said...

Tequila and asleep by 9...hee!!!

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