Did I lose a follower because I wrote about the uniball? I couldn’t help it. How could I tell the Driver’s Ed story without it? People shouldn’t be offended by testicles. Testicles is a fun word. It rhymes with vestibules, and everyone loves those.
How is it possible that the 15 people who googled “frogs in my formula blog" spent exactly zero seconds on my blog, while the one person who googled “how do you know if you're skinny?” spent an hour? Maybe I’m only interesting when I’m a surprise. If that’s the case I guess I should pop out of more cakes.
I gave away my grandfather’s microwave oven yesterday. When he died six years ago, my dad gave me the microwave and some of the frozen dinners my grandfather hadn’t eaten. It felt like he was giving me an equation: microwave + dinners = meals, but there’s some of kind universal law against eating your grandfather’s Swanson Roasted Carved Turkey dinners after the fact. It never felt right, even though there were times when I was very, very hungry. (In case you’re wondering, I threw away the turkey dinners a year ago on his birthday because Chuck called me weird for still having them. Yah, I held on to them for five years, but I’m the woman who held on to a note for 25 so are you really surprised?)
In three days I will have been blogging for a year. A year. I’m still trying to figure out how that happened. Last year at this time I was a stay-at-home mom trying to get my kid out of the Amby bed (the link's vintage Mrs. Mullet, baby). This year at this time Chuck is a stay-at-home dad trying to turn our child into his Viking minion. I’m still trying to figure out how that happened. So is my brother-in-law, who recently told me that “men aren’t meant to be stay-at-home moms.” Ouch! Chuck, you have my permission to take off your apron and strangle him with the ties.
How can this shirt cost $250? I think I owned its twin in 1984; it was $14.99 and came from Bradlees, and it wasn’t stylish back then either. Marc by Marc Jacobs this is Mrs. Mullet by Mrs. Mulletville telling you that your overpriced, ugly shirt sucks ass.
A special thanks to Keely for giving me the opportunity to be annoyed, enlightened and nostalgic all in one post. If I thought I'd make it through Customs I'd hop over the border and give you this:
(Me! That's me in there!)
30 comments:
Congratulations on blogging for a year! WOW! :) I understand about holding on to things--My junk drawer is a virtual walk down memory lane... But sometimes it is nice to let things go... A friend once told me that she lost a her favorite cancer survivor bracelet--but she didn't miss it--she just didn't need it anymore...
That shirt is just plain ugly!
I read that Blogger did something with the followers setting, so you probably haven't lost any followers. Or maybe you did really offend someone....
My neighbor is a stay-at-home dad, and he does a pretty good job!
Congrats on your one year anniversary...I feel like I should send you a present or something but that would be really weird since I don't even know you and this is actually the first time I'm reading your blog...which I love by the way...I am definitely linking you...but don't get all excited or anything cause I don't think anybody reads mine except for my family...Random Tuedsay Comments...check!
WooHoo! Congrats on hitting the 1 year anniversary milestone! ;) That really is a fugly shirt... ;) I like that you are a packrat like me...makes me feel less alone... :)
Great randomness! :)
I like testicles. And vestibules. And is there a normal way to be (re: the stay-at-home dad)? Screw 'em. There is no normal. Apron strings work well for gags too.. just sayin'.
That shirt is hideous!! eww!!
congrats on the year of blogging!!
Your weren't kidding when you said Random Thought. Loved the one-nut story, hate the shirt, my BIL is at SAHD and does a great job, still have my dad's dog tags. This thing we call life is an experience and an adventure. Congrats on 1 year of posts (in 3 days).
Bloggers screwing around with followers. Chances are you haven't lost any. I "lost" 8 yesterday, then gained 2 new ones!!
Uni-ball. Some people just unfollow to make it look like they have more followers than they do, I wouldn't take it personally. In fact, I'm about to make sure I DO follow you. I love testicles.
I lost 5 followers for criticizing krav maga. Or possibly because of that setting thing.
I'll be expecting my cake soon!
Who knew so many people were fans of Krav Maga, Keely?
Anyway, I kinda um like that shirt? I mean, couldn't wear it in my current life, but it is kind of weird/cute.
Also, the zero seconds thing: I read that it only says zero seconds because your stat counter can't determine how long somebody looks at your page until they click on another link within your page. So if someone comes to your main page and scrolls down and reads the whole thing, then closes their browser or goes to another bookmark, the counter will show zero seconds. Just my helpful tip for the day!
testicles are awesome!
that shirt is not awesome!
and apparently blogger was having some sort of issue with followers yesterday.. pretty much everyone lost a few..
Congrats on blogging for a year! You are so much fun to read. Half the time I don't feel that I can come up with something witty enough to respond to your great posts!
Lydia
Congrats on your upcoming year!!!
as for the lost follower...it may not be a lost follower but rather blogger...apparently they did some updates and it jacked with peeps followers list making them show up as anon following a blog...I lost 7 in one day and went WTF??? is my Love Dare that offensive? then i researched and realized it was blogger and until those 7 peeps realize they are following me in secret I will be 7 less than i was yesterday LOL....
okay after i typed this novel i read Ginny Maries comment...
The reason people who Google Frogs in my Formula spend less time is because they have been here before and just want to catch up with the latest. That skinny person (hate her) was brand new and had to figure out what the heck you were talking about. Blogging a year, wow, that is impressive. I have never heard of an Amby bed, but now I think I want one. It sounds comfy.
That shirt really does suck ass, blech. No doubt someone will buy it but there are alot better things I could spend $250 on, possibly a vestibule since I hear they're rising in popularity. Way to be random. ;) And congrats on the blogoversary.
I love this meme!
I just found your blog on entrecard. I enjoyed reading this post.
Ugg that shirt reminds me of Full House reruns (that I watch constantly...cause of my kids)
I can't stand looking at my stats... how did I lose 37 subscribers yesterday? Probably the same way 15 people who Googled your blog didn't stay.
I lost followers because of my hairy leg contest, if that makes you feel any better. And I LOVED the uni-ball post.
Congrats on the anniversary! :)
I hate to be rude to the the designer, but I wouldn't wear that shirt to bed.
I lost FIVE followers yesterday -- I was thinking seriously about removing the stupid widget from my blog. But this morning they were back again, so I figured it must have been a computer glitch.
Congrats on a year! I love to read your blog!
My father died over two years ago. I still have his leg of lamb that he bought five years before he died.
Thanks for all the anniversary wishes and I'm happy to hear the uniball is a shared interest. It's enough to make me teary-eyed.
Random is as random does! Congrats on being around for a year. I think I'm going to go back to your 1st post now and check it out in celebration.
You lost me, I'm outta here. All this talk of testicles creeps me out!
And what would make that shirt "perfect"...leggings!!! :)
Wow, a year, huh? Good for you!
That shirt must have been worn by Debbie Gibson while singing "It's Only in My Dreams," that's why it's so expensive :)
Happy Blogiversary!! That's really something!
Also - wow on the shirt. Insanely ugly. My eyes will never be the same!
Happy Blogiversary!
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