Sunday, September 13, 2009

We didn't stay for the redneck relays

I was a very brave girl this weekend.

Today Junior and I met my friend and her toddler at a hillbilly fair. I don’t know about you, but I love walking around fairgrounds after a weekend of rain. The animals smell so…ripe, and the mud and garbage that pool in the walkways aren’t at all tempting to toddlers. Mmmm, squishy flip-flop goodness.

I don’t know if it’s because we were near Mulletville, but the animals in the petting zoo seemed a little off. A little dopey and slow. But I don’t know many sheep or goats (only this one) so maybe I’m just projecting my feelings of resentment and anger toward innocent livestock.

Oh shut up, there are worse crimes.

And what the fuck? Mulletvillians let their kids walk around with these



but freak out about germs? I understand you're supposed to sanitize your kids' hands after they've been licked by strange petting zoo animals, but there was a 40-person pile-up at the tent exit because parents were literally stopping in their tracks to douse their kids. What's the point of surviving E.coli poisoning if you have hair like that?

Finally, we decided to leave. On the way back to the car, as I struggled to push Junior's carriage through the rocks and mud, I overheard the most endearing exchange:

Wife: “You’re so stupid and useless.”

Husband: “I ain’t stupid.”

Wife: “Fine, you’re useless, but you ain’t stupid.”

Husband: [pause] “Thank you.”

Tune in next weekend when Mrs. Mullet adopts her other persona, the very scared girl, and hides behind her couch for three days.

24 comments:

Suzi said...

Aaahhhh, red neck, hillbilly heaven. It's almost like music to my ears.

SLColman said...

OMGosh the hair!!!! Really do people still actually have hair like that???? So sad!

Lindy said...

It must have been the weekend for odd hair.

I was sitting in church when a dude with a mohawk showed up to be the usher.

Gotta love the people that are secure in their own skin....and hair.

Jen said...

Nothing says "I don't need no college degree" like a mullet does.

I watched Urban Cowboy this weekend and that conversation about the stupid husband reminded me of Sissy and Bud.

Sorry, I'm off my game today, my comments are usually better than this.

FoN said...

At least that kids tail wasn't braided. That's something, right? Ugh.

Stacie said...

Umm, yeah, duck tails are so 80's. I cringe when I see kids with their hair still like that.

You are one brave woman to venture out to a hillbilly fair.

kyooty said...

The rat tail is back?

mannequin said...

Oh I just love redneck gatherings. Tractor pulls and Elvis look alikes are what I live for.

Baby News said...

Love it. Absolutely love it!

Keely said...

See, I knew the futility and stupidity of antibacterial gel was aimed at SOMEONE.

heedpantsnow said...

Sweet tail!! Was that some carnie's kid or was that the spawn of the Mulletville Mayor?

If you can handle that, next stop...monster truck rally. Go girl!

Frogs in my formula said...

Yes, yes, yes people do really still have hair like that. It's so wrong...

Pricilla said...

It's looks like something I might just nibble away...

Goats aren't dirty, people are.
heh heh

mo.stoneskin said...

With a name like Mulletville that haircut doesn't surprise me one bit. In fact, I had kind of assumed you all had hair like that, even the animals at the petting zoo.

Raven said...

Dear God, that hair is awful!! I live in the Suburbs of MN and I saw a kid with that same haircut the other day and I was all, '80s much?' Why oh why would anyone want that haircut??

Lizzie said...

Oh, that's just wrong. hahaha!!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

OMG. Were you in Delaware? Cause I've heard that conversation a few times in my travels... ;)

Julia said...

Sounds like fun. Did they have a mullet contest?? Well they should have.

Sheila said...

Brave Brave souls walking around with hair like that! And doesn't the child get made fun of at school? Just sayin!

Brandy said...

oh wow that's something. makes me so excited that our state fair is coming.

Grand Pooba said...

Well as long as I'm not stupid! LOL

I'm going to the state fair this Saturday, can't wait to eat my a fried PB&J!

Grand Pooba said...

Wow, I am a hillbilly, I meant me not my.

Otter Thomas said...

E. Coli is a step up from that rat tail hair cut. The redneck conversation at the end of the post is hilarious. I must live near you.

Mrsbear said...

Ahh, the rat-tail, the height of mullet fashion, no?

You started the outing off in squishy flip-flops, really, it wasn't going to get better. :(

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