Today Junior and I met my friend and her toddler at a hillbilly fair. I don’t know about you, but I love walking around fairgrounds after a weekend of rain. The animals smell so…ripe, and the mud and garbage that pool in the walkways aren’t at all tempting to toddlers. Mmmm, squishy flip-flop goodness.
I don’t know if it’s because we were near Mulletville, but the animals in the petting zoo seemed a little off. A little dopey and slow. But I don’t know many sheep or goats (only this one) so maybe I’m just projecting my feelings of resentment and anger toward innocent livestock.
Oh shut up, there are worse crimes.
And what the fuck? Mulletvillians let their kids walk around with these
but freak out about germs? I understand you're supposed to sanitize your kids' hands after they've been licked by strange petting zoo animals, but there was a 40-person pile-up at the tent exit because parents were literally stopping in their tracks to douse their kids. What's the point of surviving E.coli poisoning if you have hair like that?
Finally, we decided to leave. On the way back to the car, as I struggled to push Junior's carriage through the rocks and mud, I overheard the most endearing exchange:
Wife: “You’re so stupid and useless.”
Husband: “I ain’t stupid.”
Wife: “Fine, you’re useless, but you ain’t stupid.”
Husband: [pause] “Thank you.”
Tune in next weekend when Mrs. Mullet adopts her other persona, the very scared girl, and hides behind her couch for three days.
