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About me: I'm a 40-something mother to a pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our tween Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler Cam, and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). I'm a freelance graphic designer and writer.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Yes I'm falling apart, but my cheeks are stunning

I’m brain dead. I’m not sure if my brain cells are working overtime to heal my finger and toe or if my brain has decided to begin its geriatric decline in anticipation of my 35th birthday (relax, you still have six months to get me something).

So in lieu of an anecdote or rant, I wanted to share some my favorite things. No one paid me to say any of the following. These are actual items I have in my home. And they rock my world.

First, Clean and Clear Oil Absorbing sheets.

If you’re like me and your face becomes an oil slick mid-day, these blue sheets are fabulous for blotting. I’ve tried every other sheet out there and nothing compares—not even the ones from the Body Shop.

If you don’t want to spend the $5, the free toilet bowl liners (the waxy paper ones) in public restrooms actually do a good job of removing excess oil from your face (notice I said face). During an impoverished and OCD phase of my life I actually stole armfuls of the liners, took them home and cut them up into little blot-sized squares.

Obviously that was a time in my life when I should have been medicated.

The only caveat to the Clean and Clear sheets? If nosy co-workers wander into your office mid-blot, they may inquire as to why you are covered in Smurf-colored paper.

Tell ’em to suck it.

Next up, Benefit Cheek Stain (feel free to disregard my dusty window sill in the background).

I know, I know, it costs $28, but it smells like roses and lasts forever. Stick it in your purse, dab a few drops on your cheeks and bammo, you are rosy and flushed. No powdery streaks, no creamy gloops. Just pinky, tarty cheeks. I am a blush whore. I will be buried with this product.

And finally, from Mrs. Mullet's bathroom, Bumble and Bumble Straight.

If you blow dry your hair straight, you must use this. Don’t waste your money on the drugstore stuff; this leaves your hair shiny and glossy every time. At $25 a pop it’s expensive, but I bought this last November and I’m not even halfway through the bottle. Just don’t use too much; you’ll look like a greasehead.

Moving on to the kitchen. My friend recently turned me on to Pepperidge Farm* Deli Flats bread. Clearly I don't have a future in product photography because this looks totally unappealing (mmmm, sweaty wheat bread), but you get the idea.

I practically dry humped the bread I was so tickled by it. It is perfect for toddlers. There’s no crust, and the slices are thinner than bread, so the sandwich gets eaten instead of wasted. I cut up Junior’s sandwiches in the shape of triangles. He loves it. He calls it “peanut butter and jelly pizza.”

That Junior.

And lastly, Funky Monkey freeze-dried fruit ($2.49 in Connecticut).

The word freeze-dried doesn't sound very appealing, but I love these because the flavors are juicy and the fruit pieces don’t taste spongy or airy like other fruit snacks. They’re crunchy (crispy even), so it feels like you’re eating something naughty, even though they only have 110 calories per bag. I don't know how else to say it: Every flavor tastes good. And not to sound all Pollyanna, but I feel better knowing that Junior is snacking on fruit.

The only drawback is that there’s no seal on the bag. If your toddler is a grazer, like Junior is, there are usually leftovers. But hell, the problem is easily solved with a clothespin or clamp. Another bummer: You can’t get them at the usual chain supermarkets, so if you live far away from a Whole Foods, like I, it’s hard to get your hands on them. If your husband likes to down them like candy and you make a special trip to get them for your child, you’ll probably want to hide a case—

—Oh shit, my last brain cell just exploded on the monitor. Gross.

*Arnold Bread also makes these; they're called Sandwich Thins.


f8hasit said...

Thanks for the leads on some great products! I actually have a couple, but with that stunning photography of the bread, I'm off to buy some.

FoN said...

DO you have a link for that blush product? I've never heard of it before, and I have been looking for a blush that doesn't make me look like my grandma forEVER.

Magpie said...

Funky Monkey sounds like good first grader snack food. Is it? You can get it by the case from Amazon...

Pricilla said...

I think I will stick with Chunky Monkey - not as healthy but very good for days when I need banana ice cream with chunks of chocolate and walnuts.

Ya know?

Little Ms Blogger said...

You live in CT? Where? I'm curious to the forgotten town in CT. I'm from Norwalk and it's definitely not a forgotten place.

Keely said...

I don't need any help in the blushing department, but all those other things are on my shopping list now.

C.B. Jones said...

Anything with funky and money in it is instant win in my book(my book is written in gibberish in case anyone was wondering.)

Just did a search on eBay for that product, and didn't find it. Which is strange, because you can buy the uber rare candy bar known as 5th Avenue on eBay. Because of that, I assumed everything was on eBay.

My world just came crashing down on my face. Good thing my brain safely escaped beforehand.

blognut said...

I want the blush! I have to have it.

rachel... said...

Cool! Thanks for the recommendations. I'm pretty sure I'll acutally try 40% of these.

Anne said...

While I appreciate the hint for the hair straightener, what I really need is for you to teach me how to blow dry my hair straight. Or, even better, come to the Small Town and do it for me every morning :).

JW.BW said...

Ooooooooo funky monkey sounds awesome!! yummy!! the blush sounds really neat too. i wear bare minerals and i cant stand their blush, its always soooo dark and its impossible to blend!! where do u get it?? sephora or ulta?? do tell!!!

Jeanne said...

I think the closest Whole Foods is 70+ miles away....

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I love the oil sheets picture. I am one of those unfortunate souls with the oil face as well. It truly does suck.

I don't do blush (I do that well enough without help thanks) but I love Bumble and Bumble. Expensive as hell but I love the Surf spray. It makes your hair look all beachy.

harrietv said...

Well, let's see. Those clean and clear sheets look remarkable like a product we used to buy about 45 years ago -- don't remember its name. However, one of the remarkable things about it was that it absorbed all that oil -- even in summer -- without damaging one's makeup. can really use some less expensive blush, because you won't be wiping it off when you blot the oiliness. Just saying'.

Finally, I wrote to Pepperidge Farm about those Deli Flats. They are indeed a good size, and they come in whole wheat, oatmeal, and seven grain. Deli Flats? And they didn't even do one with rye? C'mon!

Staci at Just Bloggled said...

I've heard you could use the toilet seat liners, but I get grossed out every time I think about all the bacteria floating up from the flush. Plus, some public bathrooms just stink all the time. I'm scared the stink would go into my pores.

I've always wanted to try Benetint as well. I was always scared though it would come out too red on me, like the time one of my friend's grandmothers did our makeup for our third great ballet recital. I think my mom had to scrape that stuff off with a trowel. How is it on pale but not fair skin?

Buggys said...

I'm going to try to find the funky monkey snacks for my grandaughter. Her mother has been sending bags of chips to school for her snack time. The child loves fruit but I guess a bag of chips is so easy!

Frogs in my formula said...

FoN and JWBW, you can get the blush online at Sephora. You only use a couple of drops at a time so that little bottle lasts forever.

SLColman said...

That freeze dried fruit looks and sounds really great. I am going to Whole Foods next Saturday so I will have to look for that :)

kel said...

Good stuff!!! I was cracking up about the toilet liners!!!! you are so silly!!

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marybt said...

I love love love love love Benefit!