ABOUT ME

About me: My husband Chuck, our six-year-old Junior, our three-year-old Everette and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Monday, July 13, 2009

I really hope their friends sprung for a hotel room, minus the carnies

And I thought my weekend was traumatic.

My poor coworker, Judy, was back at work today after spending the weekend in Maine. On Friday, she had confided in me that she and her fiance, Dan, were going to stay with friends and that while they were there, they were going to elope.

It was her second marriage, so Judy wanted something small and private. Just her and Dan on a beach with a Justice of the Peace and the friends with whom they were staying. Dan is a folk singer in the making; he wrote a love song and wanted to serenade her. He’s a shy guy, but he was comfortable singing in front of friends. Above all, they both wanted something intimate.

When I walked by her office this morning, I couldn’t wait to hear the details. I rushed in and asked, “How was it?”

“Strange! Terrible!” She burst into tears.

I nodded. Getting married is strange and terrible—but there was more.

What happened was this: Because they’re not familiar with the beaches of Maine, Dan and Judy told their friends to pick one for the ceremony. The day of the ceremony, the four piled into the van, along with Dan’s guitar and the Justice of the Peace, and headed off to...

....a carnival!



“We got m-m-m-married in front of two h-h-h-h-hundred people I didn’t even k-k-k-know!” she blubbered.

Yes, instead of taking Dan and Judy to a secluded beach so they could wed, their friends brought them to a noisy carnival. Dan and Judy said their vows into a microphone in a gazebo—“Everyone was d-d-d-d-drunk and yelling!”—while onlookers snapped photos and whistled. When they were done, people chanted for Dan to sing.

“His v-v-v-voice was cracking he was so nervous. S-s-s-someone threw beads and hit him in the eye.”

When Judy finally stopped crying, I feebly said, "At least you'll always remember it."

Then I backed slowly out of her office, because a woman who has just said her vows in front of 200 drunken townies is probably mad enough to knock your teeth out. And I really don't want to start looking like a Mulletvillenite.

32 comments:

FoN said...

Good god, that is the worst story I've ever heard! Did these friends of theirs actually know them? Did they meet on a chat line? I'm assuming your coworker is never going to speak to them again and egg their car whenever they come to visit, right?

Shana said...

Oh bless her heart!

blognut said...

That poor thing! How could her friends do that to her when they knew what she wanted?! I'm outraged on her behalf!

Ashlee said...

Poor girl! She needs a Do-over!!

Suzi said...

Holy Crap! She certainly deserves a do over. As for the friends....let them foot the bill of the do over.

Crazy K said...

Yikes...that is just mean. Do her friends have a grudge against them they don't know about?

Poor Judy/

Mad Woman said...

Oh goodness. I think I might have been tempted to smash the guitar over their heads. Poor Judy. Are they still on speaking terms?

I'm sure in 10 years this is going to be a funny story they tell at parties but right now it sucks!

mo.stoneskin said...

Crazy. Yeah, I have questions too, like why did these "friends" take them to the carnie?

Lori said...

I so read the title wrong and wondered why canaries were in the hotel room? Actually, coal mining and canaries might be preferable here...

Frogs in my formula said...

Judy said her friend thought the carnival might be more festive! I'd be livid.

Lindy said...

Let's just all stop and look at the bright side.....funnnel cake!!!!!!!!!

Brandy said...

oh. poor judy.

Katie said...

Why didn't they "Just Say No!"?

Stacie's Madness said...

oh, no, how sad for Judy....

I'd call for a redo. :)

mom911 said...

LOL @ Lindy!
That is one of the most horrific wedding stories EVAH! Seriously tho - have they ever heard of the word 'NO'! Or maybe..."NO WAY IN FUCKING HELL'?!?!

Melinda said...

That is so horrible. I feel so badly for them and their ruined wedding moment. I totally agree she needs a do over. But really the question I have to ask is why did they go through with it when it was so clearly wrong from the get go?

The Mother said...

Marriage is a circus, so it seems fairly appropriate.

Amy said...

Oh dear Lord that is a terrible story! Why didn't they Just Say No?!?

And your instincts to get out were probably really good.

Vodka Mom said...

oh sweet jesus.



that was NOT what they wanted, was it??

Susan said...

She's going to be married for effin forever. With a horrible story to remember every year. Instead of wood, paper, silver, whatever...they should celebrate each year with a different carnival theme: cotton candy, clown noses, puke bags, dart games, stuffed animals, freak show people...well, you get the idea. I'm so sorry for her. Cuz she's gonna be married for effin forever.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

I'm guessing those friends are now 'former' friends? ;) Sheesh!

Leanne said...

My first thought was 'how awful!' My second was 'get a spine!!' Surely they could have just went some where else? BUT it's a funny story. I know I'm cruel.

Harmony said...

Poor girl! But that is hilarious - glad she was willing to share the story :)

Beyondpanic said...

Damn! Why DIDN'T she just say , "Uh, you know, this wasn't exactly what we were thinking about - can we find a quieter place?" And who the hell through beads at the poor groom??
Do over!!!!

kyooty said...

oh that poor woman! I feel so very very bad for her

Elisa said...

OMG! That poor girl! Why didn't they just double-back and got the hell out of there when they saw there was a carnival? Wait, don't ask. I don't want you to endanger yourself for my curiosity ;-)

Frogs in my formula said...

Susan, when the storm passes I'm going to suggest your brilliant idea for celebrating in a circus theme. I'm sure she'll love it. Or knock my teeth out.

sarahthings said...

I don't even know what to say to this. Is Judy PISSED at their friends?! I think they owe her a relaxing honeymoon or something.

Sapphire said...

Is it so terrible that I am ROFL@ someone throwing beads and hitting poor Dan in the eye.
You added that detail for comedic effect didn't you? I'm supposed to be laughing, right?

That was really effed up. They should CC their friend's house.

Mrsbear said...

I'm sure someone blogging about her freakshow nuptials doesn't help either. ;)

I understand rolling with the punches, but she could've walked away from that scenario with her at least her self respect in tact. Poor thing.

Keely said...

Oh NO. That poor woman. And for her second marriage, when she probably thought she was doing the right thing by NOT turning it into a carnival. Sigh.

Frogs in my formula said...

Sapphire, I wish I could say I added the bead-to-the-eye thing for comedic effect, but it really happened. There were Mardi Gras beads at the carnival...someone decided to throw some on stage.

Poor Dan.

Poor Judy!