I’m beginning to loathe the Island of Sodor and Thomas the Train. For one, Thomas has psychological issues. He’s either cross or tooting. I think he needs a mood stabilizer. Second, there’s too much wheeshing and shunting. I try not to snicker when the narrator says “Thomas shunted Gordon home” but I can’t help it. I hope Thomas at least buys Gordon a drink before he shunts him again.
It was so hot at work today (how hot was it?) people started congregating in the bathrooms because that’s where the air conditioning was working. There was talk of a walk-out. Instead everyone just complained and sweated. Forget solar energy: There’s enough pent up anger in Corporate America to run the planet.
I envy people who look sweat-less and composed in warm weather. When I was in high school, our gym class had to run around the track in the spring. My face would turn bright red as soon as we stepped outside. The teacher told me it was because I had a great internal cooling system. I’m still waiting to reap the benefits of my internal greatness.
One of the copier repairmen at work has a crush on me. He calls to check on the printer but begins the conversation by saying, “I was thinking about you.” Yesterday he said he drove by my house and saw Chuck and Junior in the yard; he recognized them because he’s seen their pictures in my office. I swear, if he pulls a Glenn Close on me and boils our fat cat, Mr. Cat, I’m going to be pissed. Even though Mr. Cat leaves tufts of fur on my rugs and attacks his sister when he’s hungry (which is every couple hours), I still love him. Besides, if anyone's going to boil that furball it's going to be me.
We’re having a potluck lunch at work on Friday. The owner of the company wants us all to get to know each other better. I want to send him an email and tell him that through the mutiny exercise in the bathrooms, we’ve already accomplished his goal. I’d also like to suggest that we affix place cards to each potluck item. Truthful place cards. Place cards that read, “I swear to God I did not lick the spoon while making this”, “I may have licked the spoon a little” or “not only did I lick the spoon, my dog did too, and then I scratched my butt and dipped my finger in the batter.” I cannot eat another bite of cornbread without this knowledge.
Thanks Keely. Again. And again. And again.
33 comments:
This is my second time around with Thomas. My 8 year old was obsessed with him as well. Have you ever seen "Thomas and the Magic Railroad?" It is a full-length feature with Alec Baldwin, Peter Fonda and Frenchy from Grease. It is worth watching it just to see how bad the acting is. I thought Peter Fonda was supposed to be a legend! And then he comes out with this shit??!!
I don't know why you don't like "Thomas en da Friends" They are usually shining examples of what we should really be trying to strive for. Just because the theme song is the worst ear bug does not mean I have to hate them.
I hate heat. I would have left yelling at somebody and probably would have got fired or some disciplinary action against me.
Oh, Thomas the Train... I must gladly admit that I do not miss that show one bit. I babysat a kid who only wanted to watch Thomas or The Lion King. :(
I'm freezing here at work today but I'd rather be cold than hot because, just like you, I get red in the face... it's awful cos then people ask me why my face is read and then I can't help but get redder when they say that :(
My oldest never got into Thomas - thank god! - cuz I literally want to cry tears of boredom...what is it about that show that draws kids in?
The shunting sounds fun though!
As far as your potluck...I couldn't do it. Nope.
I can never eat anything, I mean anything! my mother-in-law prepares b/c I saw her lick her grimy stubby finger and stick it back into the food. Barf! Plus I despise her so that doesn't help. Despise is kind of a strong word huh? I'm just gonna go with hate then...what?
LOL I hated potluck lunches at work... when I worked outside the home. There was one lady who always insisted on bringing some mystery pot. We never ate it. None of us. Because... I was the PC tech at this place and one time she brought her computer in to me. When I took the cover off, there was a roach inside. Ewww!
We had a crazy cat/dog lady at my last job that used to bake cookies for Christmas...hairball cookies are probably up there with butt-scratched-cornbread.
Cooling system my ass. I too have the ability to resemble a well cooked lobster the minute I step out in the sun or exert myself in any way (ie. move at more than a snail's pace). And there ain't any cooling going on!
I cannot even begin to express the the joy I felt when Boy Spawn relinquished his grip on Thomas and his weird friends. It was something akin to the joy I might feel should someone tell me I won the lottery though!
Can you say disgruntled? My current job does that to me....and I am a SAHM.
Cooling system? I may not look like a beet when I step out the door, but throw in some exercise and the beets start sharing their color.
I LOVE the place card idea. VERY very well thought out. Can I steal it?
I hate those sweat-less people too!
Ooh, the potluck. I always have to make something we really like because we usually end up eating it unless we can pin down exactly who made what. We only eat after people we trust...
Hey, it may sound anal but we never go home with food poisoning or pet hair in our throats.
I could NEVER stand a pot-luck dinner! Tell him you're worried about transmission of the Swine Flu!!!
Am stealing this today. I'm all about randomness. :-)
I teach elementary school so we have NO a/c. Today I wanted to lie down on the floor of my classroom and press my face to the tile in an attempt to find cool-ness...
We used to do the potluck at work, too. Hated it. Just made sure to only eat stuff prepared by ones I knew or who knows what diseases I could get.
My mother would never let us do a cake walk or eat at a potluck unless she'd personally been in the kitchen of the cook. "You don't know if they let their cats walk on their countertops" was always her reasoning. Seriously - she has some strange love-hate going on with cats. Once, Max was standing on the sofa near her, and my mom says, "Stop winking at me" (as in - stop pointing your bung hole at me). why am I not in therapy? Oh yeah - meds and wine!
Oh, and I'm a huge fan of a potluck or buffet. I eat so much that I'm sore. I'm fascinated by what people bring. As long as it's not sushi, i'll try a smidge. (And I always take some of my own in case all the other offerings suck. That way, I know there's one good thing on my plate.)
I can't stand Thomas. That stupid Monkey, George, either. I do everything in my power to keep them out of my life.
Hehheheh, "shunts".
You mean nobody stopped to google the labour standards for office environments? That's what we did the last time the A/C went out. We all gathered around a computer taking bets on what the Labour Board said the temperature had to be and whether we could go home or not.
I can tell you this ... Stay away from the copier repair guy -- the only people creepier than these guys are insect exterminators. C-R-E-E-P-Y!
Also, I've learned something new from you blog -- stay away from winking cats. Who knew?
As a goat I toot regularly. It is due to my digestive system.
As to your copier repairman, that is just creepy. Would you like me to send Abby over there to butt him?
I had forgotten how funny the Thomas lines are. Also, I had no idea that the moment I started reading this post the Thomas theme tune caming crashing into my head - and is still trying to play!
Your copier guy has a crush on you too? My copier guy always brings me extra toner when he stops by. He's even given me free color copies of his cheeks! We have SOOO much in common, I just love you FIMF [kitty better not get in my way. . .]
Drove by your house?? That's not cool. Give him a bum-finger bun at the potluck.
Winking cat? Did I write about a winking out without knowing it?
Not a fan of potlucks AT ALL. I have to make something I like, cause my dish is the only one I trust eating.
OMG I HATE potlucks! We have them at my work all the time!!! What bugs me most is that the women in the office have to make and pay for the food and the men just give $3 to the potluck fund (which is never used for pot lucks, just ice creams days like twice a year). So I shell out $10 to $15 to make a dish at each potluck and the guys pay a puny $3. I started making brownies that I bought on sale for $1 a box because I think it isn't fair.
You might as well take advantage of that copier guy. Ask him to run a few errands for you? Pick you up a cup of coffee?
And I think you should make out a dozen of those placecards in advance of the work pot-luck, then surreptitiously put them by the dishes. I think I may do this the next time my mother-in-law has a party.
I have never seen Thomas and I am OK with that. We have girls, so watched a lot of Dora.
I have worked places where there are air conditioner issues. No one does anything about it, there is just a lot of griping.
Don't you love the corporate pot lucks. If I wanted to bond with these people I would do it on my own. Forced bonding will not make them any more tolerable.
I was so happy when I learned I was having a girl the most recent time. Of course I didn't know what I know now but at least I knew I could get rid of the Thomas movies and all the trains and track I purchased with my son's college fund. I used to giggle too about the shunting but George Carlin was Mr. Conductor back then so it was worth watching. Ringo wasn't too bad either but that Baldwin was just too much.
As for pot lucks at work, that sucks. It's bad enough you have to sweat and work for the man but now you have to cook for him too. I'd so have the dog lick the spoon. I'm so glad I don't work in a cube anymore.
Inane children's shows are the bane of mom's existence. Turn on the TV and leave.
Or stick the Sesame Street video in the TV and leave it there.
I like your transition from boiling the cat directly to the office pot luck as if that was what reminded you.
Re: the cooling system thing - I am the same way. I dread the summer months where people CONSTANTLY come up to me and exclaim over my extreme sunburn when really I am just warm and my face and body turn bright red. It's embarrassing. I also turn red when I drink alcohol. And I'm fair so sometimes I really AM sunburned. GAH! (shannon@livinginthegray.com)
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