Thursday, October 30, 2008

I won't lie: I was such a good kisser I sometimes got free Brie




So UnMom told me I must have been a tortured teenager and that’s why she tagged me with the “seven things” teenager edition. Pimples and Golden Anniversary and boys? This is so much more fun than pink slip prattle.

Here we go. Ahem.

1. When I was a sophomore, my first real boyfriend tried to impress me by pretending to be a flame thrower— with a ticky torch. He burned his face and had to be rushed to the ER. When I went to see him he said, “Look away, I’m hideous!” I still laugh when I think about that.

2. I was a cashier at Stop and Shop, and I made out with way too many guys from Dairy.

3. When I was 17 I took someone’s virginity, and I was terribly mean to him afterward.

4. I totally deserved a better sex talk than the one I got. My dad said, “There’s sex, drugs, and rock and roll. Don’t do drugs.” (See #2 and #3.)

5. The person I fought with the most (she once left me on the side of the road) was my Maid of Honor three years ago, and I love her to death.

6. I was in the French Honor Society. I also played the clarinet and the bassoon in band. Hel-lo.

7. I hated my senior prom date. His name was Walt, he had thinning hair, and he popped his zits in the rearview mirror. (No, he wasn’t someone’s cousin; he was a friend of my best friend and it was either him or Ethan from band.)

Ah, high school.

So now I get to tag a bunch of other people, except I'm going to change the meme, because I like to copy UnMom. I still want to know 7 things about these people, but I want to know 7 things about them that very first month they were a new mom. Because I was a schizoid freak and I'd like to know that I wasn't the only woman who hucked the breast pump at her husband and then cackled when he cried.

Mwahahahaaha.

Random Mom


Go Graham Go

Diapers and Wine

14 comments:

Jay @halftime lessons said...

OMG you're disturbed...

You complete me.

Pablo Guero said...

You have great headlines/titles. I always have to click when I read them. Sounds like in high school you were a psychotic nympho -- every high school boy's dream. How did you end up going to prom with a pimple popper? Oh wait, all high school boys have bad skin.

P.S. I just got stiltchester from my wife for my birthday.

Pablo Guero said...

P.P.S. My wife is the person who got me reading your blog. Send some traffic her way!

Felicia said...

Ok..i'll put on my thinking cap! I won't be able to post until we get back into town. We are leaving this weekend! Thanks for thinking of me!

Frogs in my formula said...

Jay--your response made me laugh out loud. Pablo--I'd be happy to. But who's your wife??

Erin Tales said...

Hilarious. Love the sex talk you got.

Mary Anna said...

OK, I played along - and combo'd your tag into one from earlier this week. Wow! All you people want to know so much about me. It's as if we're becoming friends or something.

Dto3 said...

Boys and tiki torches. What are you gonna do? I once lit a tiki torch in our backyard, but I hadn't really secured it in the ground. It fell over and burned an entire hedge that had been growing for 18 years. Pyromania!

Keely said...

Bwahhahhahhha!
See, I knew it was a good tag.

...no band camp stories?

The sex talk I got was similar. It was also, um, a little like closing the barn door after the horse has escaped?

Marinka said...

hey, what's wrong with drugs?

katydidnot said...

that may well have been the best seven things post i've ever read. but you said brie, so maybe that's why, because brie swoon. and walt? egad.

Lisa N. said...

The bassoon, huh? That's HOT. :-)

I seriously might do your seven things even though you didn't tag me. Is that allowed? Will the blogosphere Nazis come after me? Eh, screw 'em.

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

Hahaha. Too funny. I especially like the bit about you throwing the breast pump at hubby. Why didn't I think of that in those torturous early days of motherhood?

Felicia said...

..and it's up!

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