Sunday, October 12, 2008

Now that's he's awake he can recycle all those beer cans thank you very much

Chuck’s brother, Matt, was supposed to come pumpkin picking with us yesterday. When he didn’t show, I understood. What 21-year-old guy wants to watch two yokels chase a fat toddler around a hick pumpkin patch? Turns out he didn’t make it because his alarm, which was set for 11 a.m., never went off and he slept until four.

He finally did make it up—at 11 p.m. Chuck and I were passed out on the couch. Matt wanted us to have some beers with him. He teased us for being old farts. Chuck, like any good brother, took the bait; I went to bed.

Is it wrong that when I brought Junior downstairs at 7 a.m. and we passed Matt, who was sound asleep on the couch, I experienced immense pleasure when Junior started yelling, “hi-ey, hi-ey” and Matt let out an exhausted moan?

Is it wrong that when Junior started shrieking because I didn’t give him his Cheerios fast enough I, um, waited a little longer so Matt could experience a toddler’s greedy wrath in all its nails-on-a-chalkboard entirety?

And finally, is it wrong that I felt giddy and vindicated when Matt stumbled into the kitchen minutes later, eyes bloodshot, and begged for coffee?

Really, is that one of the unspoken delights of parenthood—that we enjoy watching childless people who still live carefree lives suffer a little too sometimes?

13 comments:

Jay @halftime lessons said...

I no longer know anyone who doesnt share the pain of parenting... at some point we all lost our minds and jumped in the pool together...

Petra said...

Amen! I would have done the same thing. Damn him for sleeping past 11 a.m.!

thedavies99 said...

Just think, some day your son will be 21 and you can do the same to him!

Mary Anna said...

Hey, if we can't use our kids' better traits against the evil doings of nonparents, then why'd we have them? (Actually, I sometimes use them against my own husband too. Crap, I shouldn't have written that - he reads your blog from time to time. I guess I have to start hiding the cat's food so she cries really loud in the morning. Dammit, I did it again. Oh well.)

Mary Anna said...

Hey, if we can't use our kids' better traits against the evil doings of nonparents, then why'd we have them? (Actually, I sometimes use them against my own husband too. Crap, I shouldn't have written that - he reads your blog from time to time. I guess I have to start hiding the cat's food so she cries really loud in the morning. Dammit, I did it again. Oh well.)

Mary Anna said...

How'd I post that twice? Must be Karma.

Elizabeth Channel said...

Suffering only brings strength.

truelance said...

We may all have been "near 21" at some point in time, and to some extent we could all argue that much of our behavior at that given period could be sanctioned as an ignorant rite of passage due to our idiocracy and adolescent short-sightedness.

On the other hand, to be on the unfortunate receiving end of this would allow you the poetic justice to use the child card much to your advantage.

I mean, really... WTF. Use what you can - it balances out all the other injustices in the world we can't control.

Practically Joe said...

Talking about old farts ... I babysat our 4 month old grandaughter a few days ago.
She eats ... sleeps ... poops ... and cries. And she won't sit still and watch TV ... or let me go to the bathroom ... or let me put her down even when she slept.
Five hours later ... my arms ached, I was hungry, had to pee real bad and I was exhausted!

Marinka said...

Of course it's not wrong! or if it's wrong, it's one of those "if it's wrong, I don't want to be right" wrongs!

texasholly said...

It was the ONLY thing to do! OMG. Can't even remember those days. Probably because my brain is so sleep deprived now...

Glad for the happy google accident that landed me here!

Luanne said...

Not wrong AT ALL!!

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