Saturday, October 25, 2008

I still drive by that farm...sigh

My first pet was a Shetland Sheepdog. I named her Heidi because I had just seen the movie Heidi and I wanted to be Heidi (picture borrowed from I was just seven years old, and I loved that animal like any young girl loves something she’s just named after a Swiss mountain orphan: with all my heart.

But, as they say, all good things must come to an end. One month after we got Heidi, my parents decided she was too much work. I can’t remember, but I am sure I scooped poop—I was so diligent I used to give the neighborhood kids homework assignments when we played school so I could correct them.

Anyway, we gave Heidi back to the farm from which she had come so she could run and chase rabbits and be with her brothers and sisters. Sometimes my father would blow by the farm on the way to Woolworths or Caldor and he would say, “Quick! Look! There’s Heidi!” but somehow I always missed her.

(Do you need a Kleenex yet?)

In what can only be described as Cosmic Canine Coincidence, Chuck also had his childhood dog—a Border Collie named Charlie—wrenched from his juvenile grasp because his parents said the dog was too much work. He studied abroad at 17 and when he came home (after deflowering most of England, I might add), Charlie was gone.

There are some lights at the end of this beastly tunnel, I promise.

First, we have two cats, which our parents have never tried to give away. They behave like dogs, which is good for them because I hate cats. They lick our guests and come when we call them. Sometimes they baby-sit. Our vet has suggested we walk them—they weigh 25 pounds each—but we all know that if I actually did that I’d end up on the front page of the Mulletville Chronicle.

Second, when Junior gets a dog—which would be today if I had my say—he is keeping it forever. I’m talking taxidermy, people. No child should ever have to suffer the injustices inflicted on his parents by their big, bad parents.

This post was written for Parent Bloggers Network as part of a sweepstakes sponsored by Burger King Corp. If I win the $250 gift card to pamper my pets, I’m taking the above pictured mongrel to get a Brazilian wax and a Jenny Craig consultation.

P.S. Cutie Booty Cakes has a much cheerier childhood pet story, if you need the warm and fuzzies.


harrietv said...

I really don't like illustrating Heidi with blond braids. In the original story, Heidi was considered "strange" because she had dark eyes and black curly hair. The story in the village was that the uncle had married a "Grecian" woman, who was the mother of Tobias, Heidi's father.

I know it's better to dumb down a story, rather than have kids grow up with no knowledge of literature at all. But I absolutely treasure my copy of Heidi (Grosset & Dunlop Junior Classics), which is taken from the original Swiss German. I learned enough German that I recognize the unusual grammar.

Renée aka Mekhismom said...

Um. Hmm. Just looking at harrietv's comments. Perhaps it is lsd. Moving on. Taxidermy? You are hilarious. Sorry to hear about the childhood trauma. My grandfather put my grandmothers cat down after she complained about Bambi - that was her name - jumping on furniture. A sad, sad, day.

Didn't post that story. LOL

thedavies99 said...

I had an uncle who had a pet taxidermied. I wouldn't recommend it. It's downright creepy!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

Good for you for having a responsible attitude about pet ownership. Kids don't deserve that, and neither do the poor animals!

Mary Anna said...

Our dead cat is in an urn in the guest room. A few weeks ago, my mom and step-dad were visiting, and he commented, "I've never left my wallet next to a dead cat before."

(Our older son has no idea!)

Frogs in my formula said...

Mary anna that is hysterical. I've never heard of a cat in an urn before...

Mary Anna said...

Well, what else do you do with the remains of a dead cat (remains that you receive in the mail)?

No lie - the vet cremated our cat, put him in an urn and mailed him to us. May be the strangest package I've ever opened!

Mary Anna said...

Oh yeah, and we bought a special cat harness for Tigger (God rest his ashy kitty soul). That was not pleasant.

I should really blog about the escapades with Tigger sometime. As I often say, you can't make this $h!t up!

J-Dub said...

I too had a cat cremated and put in a urn. I was told that many pets were cremated at one time, so I may have had the remains of not only my beloved pet, but also the remains of 12 other deceased pets. And when you shook the urn, you could hear bones and teeth. Am I sick for finding humor it that action???

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