ABOUT ME

About me: My husband Chuck, our six-year-old Junior, our three-year-old Everette and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Not to be confused with the Nebraska Newt

One semester at grad school, something terrible happened. I grew a zit on my chin that was the size of an elephant. (I just googled “pimple” so I could insert an appropriate picture. After seeing what came up, I want to vomit. Whatever you do, don’t google “pimple.”)

My darling grad school friends dubbed my zit the “Vermont Zit”—because our school was in Vermont. You’d think people in a creative writing program would come up with something more…creative, but I understand. They were busy working on novel titles, not pimple pet names.

The Vermont Zit was so big that people actually came up to me and told me they liked my Sarah Jessica Parker mole. I toyed with the idea of coloring it in with brown eyeliner pencil, just to give it some distinction. But it was the middle of summer and I worried about sweating it off; no one likes a mole with a muddy trail. Not even those nature-loving Vermonters.

It took me a few months to get rid of that damn zit. Two months and 102 tubes of Clearasil.

Fast forward five years to RIGHT NOW. I’ve sprouted the Vermont Zit just in time for my presentation. And I’m pissed. I thought turning 35 meant no more pimply pimples. Given my last post—in which I begged God to save me from my public speaking self—I have to wonder, what the hell? Other than blinding people with the light reflecting off my zit as I stand at the podium, I can’t think of any divine reason for this zit’s existence.

Except that I’ve just blown 30 minutes blogging about it instead of practicing my presentation in front of the mirror. But can you blame me?



I'm horrid.

20 comments:

Grand Pooba said...

Hahaha! Oh your poor, poor face. Come on, look on the bright side, at least you get to catch up with an old friend right?

Frogs in my formula said...

A very large friend!

Jen said...

Toothpaste, overnight. Maybe put a bandage over it so it doesn't get all over you pillow and into your eyes which would only make you look worse.

The Mother said...

Cortisone and any over the counter antibiotic cream.

Jenni said...

wow.

have you tried talking shit to it? telling it how ugly it is and what a jerk it is? maybe you can bully it off your face.

Pricilla said...

Stress.
YOU are not horrid.
Presumably the zit is horrid but not having met it I don't know for sure.

I get fever blisters when stressed. Big, honking, lip splitting fever blisters.

Leanne said...

Ack. It's probably not as bad as you think it is. Honest. And as for tips for talking in public? Just breath. Big deep breaths in and then out...long deep breaths. It's the only thing that works for me....

Lindy said...

Is that contagious?!

I just touched my chin to make sure.

Frogs in my formula said...

I knew you'd all be there for me...I'm getting misty just reading your supportive comments.

kyooty said...

Oh it's stressed combined with having young skin. :)

Mrsbear said...

Maybe the zit can do the presentation for you, since everyone is going to be staring at it and all, might as well put it to work.

At 35 we should not have to deal with zits and gray hairs. Stupid nature.

Shana said...

Oh man that sucks. Sorry, i still break out like a teen and I am 32 so...

mo.stoneskin said...

You have my sympathy. But you could at least use the Sarah Jessica Parker gag to break the ice at the start presentation?!

Buggys said...

I say use every one of these remedies at the same time. You might discover a magic zit blaster and become a millionare.

Brandy said...

that really sucks. looks like its been sucking up everything in its path.

i use clinique one spot acne treatment. works like a charm.

Sara said...

I think we need a more accurate description than just big. Like under the skin huge? Yellow huge? Redness covering 50% of the chin surface area? Ya know, so we can help you better. :)

Hope it goes away.

judemiller1 said...

No doubt caused by stress over your presentation.

Otter Thomas said...

Why must zits continue to torture us. I thought it was a teenage problem.

Keely said...

Maybe it's there to distract people from your presentation? Get it it's own spotlight.

Dto3 said...

So, really, you said, "Don't Google pimple?" That's like telling a kid not to eat that Reese's. Thanks. I'm going to go throw up now.