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About me: I'm 42 and added another gherkin to our pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our 9-year-old Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Slime, snorting and hand towels


This week was supposed to be my last week at work, but I’m going to try to make it one more week. I can put my accrued vacation and sick time towards my unpaid leave. That’s a whole ’nother week on the other side of this baby.

In mom time that's, like, 45 minutes.

Normally I’d say it was worth it, but dragging my pregnant ass to work isn’t the most pleasant experience. I’ve dropped. I waddle. Everyone gawks. Plus, my co-workers must assume I don’t realize I’m nine fucking months pregnant, because they feel the need to stop me in the hall and tell me how big/huge/gigantic I am.

Imagine that. Looking big three weeks from your due date. If I wasn’t afraid of being sued, I’d sit on every one of them. Then I’d moo and buck and snort a lot.

The nice thing is that having my water break at work isn’t scary because it happened with Junior. Though this time I am not going to bring a lone hand towel to the hospital. I’m going to pack a damn bag.

The cute articles in parenting magazines about what women should bring to the hospital crack me up. All you need is: a bathrobe, a pillow, slippers, socks, toiletries, and comfortable pants that won’t dig into your C-section incision.

Yup, that’s right. After a lot of internal and blogternal agonizing, I’m going for the elective C-section. Thank you for all your thoughtful comments on that by the way. If Diddlydoo stays indoors until the week after Christmas, yours truly will be spending New Years Eve at Mulletville Hospital.

Chuck’s going to bring a big, big bottle of champagne. After nine months of not drinking, I’ve been having intimate dreams about that bottle. The delightful, fizzing bubbles. The throat tickle of said bubbles and the ensuing giddiness.

How I need me some giddiness.

I’m giddy just thinking about the giddiness.

Of course, I’m going to breastfeed, so the giddiness is only imaginary.

Don't you just hate when you pop your own giddiness bubble?

Here, I'll do it again: I haven't bought one Christmas present.

And again: I don't have any clue what to get anyone.

Head on over to the Un Mom for more randomness. You'll learn neat things, like how Canadians excrete a natural oil that keeps them lubricated during the harsh winter months (straight up!). By golly, we're going to Canada on our next family vacation just to get slimed by some Canadians.



allstarme said...

I remember that with my first kid: bring all this stuff! You'll need it! Right. The one thing I was super glad to have was my own pillow and a fair of fuzz socks. I learned for the second kid. :)

marybt said...

I really lucked out because I didn't get huge. (I would feel compelled to give unsolicited advice about that, but I have a bad feeling it was just luck and if I proceed to give unsolicited advice and choose to have a second baby, then I'll blow up like the good year blimp, so I mostly keep my mouth shut. lol.) Anyway, I was scheduled to be induced on a Sunday night and I was at work the previous Friday just because I wanted ALL my maternity leave to be with the baby. I won't pretend it was my most productive or comfortable day though! lol.

I didn't take much stuff for me to the hospital. I way overpacked for the baby. I had no freaking clue what she'd need and what they'd give us. And of course all the clothes I packed for her were way too big so she wore a t-shirt from the Target dollar spot home. I'm so Martha Stewart! lol.

The Mother said...

I'm pulling for you. My first pregnancy I was on the WORST rotation of my residency in the last few weeks. Swollen feet, heartburn out the wazoo, and belly too big to see into the microscopes at the frozen station. So I do know what it's like.

Good luck!

Lindy said...

Slippers - a great pair of "walking on clouds" slippers was about the only thing I cared to have in the hospital!

Nicole said...

Good call on the what you need at the hospital bit. For c-section 3 I finally invested in a cheap robe and long cotton nightie. No waistband, no worries about c-section stitches getting tugged on.

Hope you get at least a healthy chug of champagne.

Happy RTT

Keely said...

You forgot to say how the oil smells like pine trees and bacon!

Sorry about the waddling. Hang in there.

I never got to pack a bag because they hijacked me. But over the course of the week and a half they tried to induce me, I moved over a LOT of creature comforts.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

you should sit on your co-workers, they deserve it, just blame it on pregnancy hormones!

Mama Badger said...

All I wanted at the hospital was to be left the hell alone with my kid. Didn't happen.

But you didn't mention that in t minus 3 weeks you get to eat like a normal human being again!!! No more diabetes!!! Does the hospital serve cake? Screw the champagne, have chuck bring you one of those nice holiday trays of cookies.

Jeanne said...

I believe this may be pre-natal giddiness....

VandyJ said...

Oh those last miserable days--when every one feels compelled to tell you you don't know how easy you have it right now-the baby is still inside. Yeah, ready for an outside baby thanks.

Leanne said...

Argh. Breastfeeding and giving birth - suddenly my teens aren't looking so bad. Good luck!

Jenni said...

Home stretch, home stretch.

So, what happens if you go into labor BEFORE your scheduled C-section?

jeanniekay said...

My mom told me that the last month of pregnancy was God's way of making you BEG for whatever it took for it to be OVER.

Of course, I hated being pregnant. I loved *getting* pregnant, being a mom, but the 'being a vessel to bring forth new life'? Sucked.

The Crazy Coxes said...

How exciting!!! It's soooo close! You'll be glad you dragged yourself to work for those extra days off ater! i worked the day I delivered my first. You have a good excuse not to shop!

Frogs in my formula said...

Chuck thinks "a vessel to bring forth new life" should be the official definition of mother. I think it has something to do with sounding Star Trekkie...

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Okay, i'm going to do it. I'm going to say it, er, write it:

I think it will be okay if you decide to have some champagne and also breastfeed. I think Diddlydoo won't lose any IQ points because you toasted his birth. I mean, it's not like you're going to shoot up heroin or rip the bottle out of chuck's hands and pass it back to him, empty, 30 seconds later. I think he'll be fine. And YOU'LL be better for it too, most likely.

I hope you don't get a bunch of shitty hate comments about me now! ha ha

Maggie said...

I had Hotty Hubby bring me a big can of Guiness and some pizza when I was in hospital after one of the kids. Best. Thing. Ever.

Next time tells you how big you are, tell them that if they'd like to help, they're welcome to reach an arm up there and yank the kid out themselves if it's a problem for them!

marybt said...


Just kidding. I was known to have an occasional beer while pregnant. And when I was breastfeeding, I had insane cravings. For the first 3 weeks of my daughter's life, all I ate was ham. And grape flavored Smirnoff Ice.

kyooty said...

go head bfeed and have your drink it's worth the "relaxation" and letdown reflex. :)