Sunday, December 5, 2010

Everyone will be getting homemade ornaments this year. K?

I was all set to write a long, descriptive post about my trip to the proctologist (who wouldn't want to read about a pregnant woman's experience getting her buttcheeks spread by a Mullet-sporting doctor?).

Then D&W told me about Jenny McCarthy's book, Belly Laughs: The Naked Truth about Pregnancy and Childbirth, and how McCarthy not only covered hemorrhoids in seat-gripping detail, her story was a million times more horrific than mine.

Damn McCarthy for stealing my thunder.

Now I have nothing left to write about.



I guess I could write about how tomorrow marks the beginning of my last two weeks at work before I begin my maternity leave. And how I have chosen to take six months of unpaid FMLA leave so I can spend time with Diddlydoo and Junior (isn't Mulletville Corp awesome? Zero days of paid maternity leave. Zero). And how that decision has been keeping me and Chuck awake at night because it seems incredibly irresponsible given Chuck's precarious employment status.

And yet it is the only decision that is right.

We've talked about it. My God, since Diddlydoo was conceived. It's all we've talked about and planned for. We've decided we can survive anything for six months. Chuck can sell his functioning body parts to science and hell, I can finally fulfill my dream of becoming a cocktail waitress while the kids are in bed. We'll shear sheep. Pump gas. We'll make it on love, baby.

It will be an adventure. A gift. An uncharted path.

It will be scary.

But I have wanted to get off this ride of being a full-time working mother for two years.

So here I go.


Keely said...

ZERO? I thought they were obliged to give you 6 weeks or something. God, that's barbaric.

You can do it. Love tastes remarkably like lint and stale saltines, though.

Jenni said...

Yeah, America! We love and support working parents.

Good luck and good for you.

Pricilla said...

Geez. In NJ they are required to give you 6 weeks.

CT sucks.

But enjoy your time and make the most of it. Thank god there is the law to give you the unpaid time. Sometimes companies just suck.

Dysfunctional Mom said...

I bet you'll never regret it. I look back at my time at home with my kids as some of the best times of my life (other than the douchebag I was married to at the time).

Lisa said...

Sorry for popping your buttle. I mean, bubble.

Since you're going to be home, does this mean you'll be my daytime drinking buddy?

Anonymous said...

I don't see why an employer should pay us to stay home or why it makes America bad that they wouldn't ... But I digress ...

Yay! I'm so happy you will finally get to do what you want to and get to leave the workplace you hate so much! :) Congratulations.

Mrs. Tuna said...

As a former NJ resident, the reason you get paid maternity leave is because you pay into your unemployment, same reason you get unemployment if you do a sucky job and get fired.

I took of 10 weeks when I had Sheldon, it was supposed to be 8 but when I called the week before returning to REMIND them they sniffed, well works a little slow right now

Really, well I guess I'll have to get on the phone with my bad ass lawyer and sue your silly asses. Great way to return to corporate America.

The Mother said...


Wishing you all the best. It's a great plan.

Twisted Cinderella said...

Enjoy your time at home! Good luck and good for you.

Jen said...

We tried living on that whole love thing, money works better. Good luck and while you may be more broke (and you will be) you will be much happier and your kids will be much happier.

Jana said...

You sure have had some difficulties this pregnancy, huh? Can you believe people do this over and over and over and over again? Yeah, me neither.

You have to trust your gut. You're right to take that time off, but I know how stressful it can be. I've been there. We do need to do something about the ridiculous lack of support for mothers on maternity leave.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

If we do procreate again I am planning to sell body parts to stay home for at least a year with my kids. I completely applaud you!

Lindy said...

Holy Shit - you don't get ANY? You can't even use vacation time or anything?!

Regardless - what an awesome decision and opportunity you have laying before you. Best of luck!

SLColman said...

Enjoy your time with them :)

Leanne said...

Move to Canada. :)I'll even babysit.

rachel... said...

Awesome! I'm so glad you'll have that time at home. You will NEVER regret this decision, no matter how many sheep you have to shear. I promise.

Mama Badger said...

Aren't they at least obligated to give you short term disability? It burns my biscuits that the law only provides they give you a year of unpaid time.

FoN said...

You don't get ANY paid leave? None at all? What do people do? Give their new born baby to a babysitter? That's insane.

Not to rub salt in the wound, but employers are obligated by law to offer a full year of maternity/paternity leave in Canada, at a rate of at minimum 55% of your current salary. The good employers offer up to an additional 40% top up.

You have a way with words - you should start a 'WTF Obama!' letter writing campaign because that is ridiculous.

You can make it. Whenever you feel like your going down just smell your baby and everything will come back into perspective.

Although I still think it's incredibly unfair you have to chose between being able to pay your bills or raising your children. Yeesh.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Hmm..... get some sponsors???

Kidding. Really, this sounds so lame, but is there anything I can do?

Last year when we were really strapped I totally went to the plasma donation place. I didn't have the nerve to make it through the front door but I guess I wasn't hungry enough.

I don't know how you'll do it but I hope you can have a bit of peace. Maybe you can substitute teach occasionally? Or be a private tutor? I have no idea why I'm suggesting this crap. But, I feel horrible for you.

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