Tuesday, December 21, 2010

I'm one sniffle away from a %$#&ing Lifetime movie

Something fishy is going on.

I tear up when I pull into the driveway after work and see our house lit up for Christmas. I’ve been smelling Diddlydoo’s Dreft-fresh onesies and blubbering into them. I swear Judy Garland is channeling "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" straight into my brain because it’s all I hear.

Yes, I do believe that in spite of the discomfort of the watermelon teetering on top of my vagina, I have become Mrs. Merrily Verklempt. (I’m sure my Deep Thoughts at a Gas Station post was an indication I was heading in that direction.)

Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be cause for concern, but I’m the person who likes to mock everything. It’s why I blog. And darnitall my rosy outlook has derailed one a many post I’ve had simmering, including one about this outfit.





Isn’t it silly? Costume Express sent it to me to review. It's called "Velvet Elf Child."

As it made its way to my house, I cackled at the possibilities. Velvet Elf Child sounds like a horror movie. Like Swamp Thing. And how fun to traumatize Junior. I mean really, why have children if you can’t dress them up and use the photos as collateral when they're obnoxious teenagers?

Why?

Except. Chuck and I put Junior in the costume, and it is precious. It's soft and velvety and well, fricken adorable. Even though I'd wondered how much use the costume would actually get, Junior's had the thing on 24-7.

Chuck and I took pictures of our Velvet Elf Child trimming the tree and used the pictures on our Christmas cards. Relatives called in tears, thanking us for the beautiful photos.



We took Velvet Elf Child to a restaurant; people oohed and ahhhed.



We took Velvet Elf Child to another restaurant; people couldn’t stop smiling at him.



We took Velvet Elf Child to visit his grandma at the senior center and holy shit, you’d think we’d brought Baby Jesus himself. (Minor drawback: lots of germy, wrinkly lips wanting to plant one on Junior.)

In the past few weeks, Velvet Elf Child has been all over Connecticut. I never thought we’d get so much mileage from one costume. And it’s the good kind of mileage. Spreading good cheer? I get it.

I really get it.

Crap. Pass me a tissue please?

22 comments:

Keely said...

Did they WANT it to be mocked? Because they could probably send one to me and get that result. Especially since it wouldn't get here until February.

Frogs in my formula said...

And then, then we could get our Velvet Elf children together for a playdate. Start a mommy group. A meetup.com group. The possibilities are endless.

Mwaahahahaha.

tootertotz said...

Your weepiness can mean only one thing...

Velvet Elf Child is less than a week away from becoming Velvet Elf Big Brother.

I was a hot mess just before #2 arrived...your time is about up, girl.

Merry Christmas and happy birthing...whether he comes on schedule or throws you into labor and jump starts his c-section.

Hell, stick Junior in his costume the first time he meets Diddlydoo...it'll probably melt his tiny newborn heart, too.

Dysfunctional Mom said...

Snicker.
It really is cute.

Julia said...

Sniff. Sniff. I think I am making a tear.

Merry Christmas to you and your sweet little Elf.

Whitney said...

I was all ready to make snide remarks myself when I first saw the outfit...but then...your little Velvet Elf is so frickin' adorable... Jeez...They should send me one for my nephew. "Boog the Velvet Elf". It's about time for a new blog post. lol.

Merry Christmas y'all! Can't wait for DiddlyDoo!!

Whitney said...

I was all ready to make snide remarks myself when I first saw the outfit...but then...your little Velvet Elf is so frickin' adorable... Jeez...They should send me one for my nephew. "Boog the Velvet Elf". It's about time for a new blog post. lol.

Merry Christmas y'all! Can't wait for DiddlyDoo!!

marybt said...

Awwww. He's adorable! There's something about a 3 year old at Christmas that makes even the biggest hard ass become an old softie. Not that I know anything about that. Bah Humbug.

Pricilla said...

Hmmm, do they have velvet elf kid with four legs?

Mrs. Tuna said...

Wait until you trot out the Velvet Elf photos when he's 16....I'm sure he won't rip them from your fingertips and flush down the toilet.

Kate said...

A little bit of love was left for you...

http://www.recommendeddailydose.com/?p=7073

Jenni said...

Pregnant ladies are such cry babies.

I kid. And I agree w/tootertotz. That baby is on the fast track.

Magpie said...

You need a newborn sized one too, and then you'll be all set.

judemiller1 said...

It is way adorable and so is the elf in it. I am not a relative, but it brought tears to my eyes. You better give it a good review.

FoN said...

Awe...it is TOO cute. And you're right - try as I might, it is super hard to remain bitter and sarcastic at Christmas. And that's kind of my thing.

Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings said...

See..this is what will happen? You ever mock people who cry over sappy things? Yeah, well, now you are cursed. I used to mock my mom all the time now I cry over a freaking lost kitten.

The Mother said...

The downside is that the Velvet Elf Child might just get used to being the Velvet Elf Child. How easy is that thing to clean?

SLColman said...

Aww your Velvet Elf Child is adorable! Merry Christmas!!

Kate said...

Santa Claus is alive and well in the hearts of children who believe all around the world. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy.

~Happy Christmas and Merry New Year from our family to you and yours

Leanne said...

I LOVE it and I especially love it because it's so flippin' cute and uh, cruel in a way too. He's gonna hate you for it, so do it while you can!. :)

Stacie's Madness said...

i love this blog, have i mentioned that...well. i. do. and now we're blog married.

Laufa said...

Such a handsome (I wanted to say pretty) elf costume. I bet it was warm, being velvet. Good job on sharing the spirit in the costume and that Junior went along with it willingly.

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