Yo bitches, check out my daddy bling

I almost died laughing this morning when I heard the NBC Today Show announcer exclaim, “Up next: The rise of the stay-at-home husband. Is this the new status symbol for alpha women?”

Since I had to drag my alpha ass to work, I was unable to watch the segment. But I did read it online.

With great interest.

As many of you know, Chuck has been a stay-at-home dad for a year and a half. Like the article states, there was a serious adjustment phase. For awhile there, I worried I might grow a penis and facial hair. I wished Chuck would get hit by a truck. I dreamed Chuck was riding bitch.

But never, EVER did I feel that “having a househusband may, in a way, be the ultimate status symbol for the successful professional woman."

Ah yes, my husband. He’s right up there with my Gucci handbag.

In the article, Diane Sollee, director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education and smartmarriages.com says, “In a way, it’s almost like bragging for a woman to say she has a stay-at-home husband. Not only is she the breadwinner...but she’s also got this highly evolved male person—a feminist, father, and husband who doesn’t care what the gender roles are. It’s really an elevated life-form.” For the hard-driving careerist mother, a husband who’s willing to take up the lion’s share at home is a godsend.

Few things.

1. “Highly evolved male person”? “Elevated life-form”? Could someone pinch me, please?

Just because a man stays home with the kid(s) doesn’t mean he’s stopped farting, scratching, picking his nose, eating his fingernails, leaving laundry on the floor, telling you it “must be that time of the month” because you have strong opinions, or walking around in his slouchy underwear. In fact, chances are your child and husband will spend entire days in their underwear.

Let’s not cream ourselves too much over daddy’s metamorphosis, k?

2. “For the hard-driving careerist mother, a husband who’s willing to take up the lion’s share at home is a godsend.”

Notice the key word “willing”? I love Chuck, but it has been a struggle of monumental proportions to get him to help more around the house. I’m not alone: Working women spend about twice as much time as working men on household chores and the care of the children, according to a recent survey by the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.

When Chuck was first laid off, there were days I worked nine-to-five, cooked dinner, threw laundry in, tidied up and put Junior to bed. Chuck helped here and there, but one night I turned to him and said, “I just can’t do it all. It isn’t fair.”

I said it a few more times. Finally it sunk in. But dang, it was an uphill battle. I learned a valuable lesson. A man who sees his wife vacuuming will say, “Why don’t you take a break?” but he won’t get off the couch. A man who hears “I need help from YOU, buttfuck, yes YOU” 10 nights in a row will—finally, hopefully—get off the couch.

I guess that’s an evolutionary milestone.

Anyway, the article made some good points, but overall it annoyed me. So men are staying home with the kids. So what? Women do it all the time and no one's calling them elevated life forms.

Here's an article I'd like to read: Men and women everywhere get over themselves.