Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Random Tuesday Thoughts: Is it over?


If a 30-second stint in the microwave kills all the bacteria on a sponge, what does a 3-minute stint do to leftovers? Does my lunch have as much bacterial floria as notepaper?

My next door neighbor Eric tricked me into eating notepaper when I was a kid. He told me the lines were blueberry flavored, and I fell for it. He also told me giving someone the bird was a patriotic gesture (because “the bird” was a Bald Eagle). Some days he spit on me at the bus stop if I was in line ahead of him, and once he tried to get me to take my pants off.

Conveniently, his mother wouldn’t listen to neighborly complaints about her son because she “didn’t like tattles.” I always thought I’d like to use that line when I became a parent, but after 30 years of build-up, the appeal is gone.

I find the same to be true about being an adult.

Has anyone tried these?

I saw my friend this weekend. She has Vulvodynia. After she told me she had it, she asked me not to blog about it. That made me laugh. If you’ve never heard of it, Vulvodynia means pain in the vulva. I think the name sounds more like a flower or a little girl’s name.

“Oh Vulvodyniaaaaaa. You didn’t finish your peas, Vulvodynia.”

Is it just me or do Dixie and Kleenex not understand there's a Green movement underway whose success relies upon producing less waste? Dixie's slogan is "Turn your next meal into a Dixie moment." Does that moment include watching my children play on a landfill mound?

“Oh Vulvodyniaaaaaa. Please don't play on that garbage pile, Vulvodynia. I know there's no grass left, but please, climb down.”

And fucking Kleenex—they've created disposable hand towels. I checked out their FAQ's, just in case there was a "How can I sleep at night knowing I'm generating so much waste?" question, but all I found was "Where do I keep Kleenex Hand Towels in my home?"

Why, right next to your aerosol cans and plastic water bottles of course! Seriously, the human race kind of makes me sick sometimes. Him too:

I can’t decide if I want to go to BlogHer or not. Can someone who’s been before tell me what I am going to get for $300, besides the chance to meet a lot of great people?

For more randomness, check out this crazy cat.


Mama Badger said...

Maybe little Vulvodynia could go play with Chlomadia, which a friend of mine thought would be a great name until she found out what it meant.

I was told NOT to send my son to school with a hankie when he had a runny nose. It's unsanitary. By the woman in charge of the "green" movement at school. And I didn't laugh in her face. I just kept sending hankies and teaching him to use them.

The Mother said...

I don't know. How much bacteria is in your notepaper?

The microwave heats things from the inside out, and it's density dependent. So a sponge, with little density, heats quickly. Lunch? Not so much.

Jenni said...

The bird is a patriotic gesture? I kind of love that. And a person can not drop something like vulvodynia on you and expect you not to blog about it. That illness was invented for blogging.

BlogHer is sold out. I've never been, but I'm going this year so I'll let you know if it's worth it.

Lindy said...

Arm pit pads? W.T.F.

Also, I was standing in the aisle looking at the Kleenex disposable hand towel box thinking what a great idea that was and then I remembered that I am on a quest to cut down on my papertowel use so wouldn't this just cancel out my "going green papertowel awesomeness" if I bought it?

I didn't buy it even though I had a coupon.

Pricilla said...

How long has your lunch been sitting in the sun? I think that is more the issue.....

Poor birdie. Maybe you can clean him off with some kleenex hand towels.

Sara said...

I thought the exact same thing about Kleenex. Why would we need paper hand towels in the bathroom?! I bet the germaphobes make them a lot of money.

Too funny on the Vulvodynia! What causes that is really the burning question. :D

Keely said...

So are you one friend lighter?

Sometimes I think the human race will ultimately end is a huge battle over whether to be Green or Convenient.

Jen said...

Mama Badger!!!!

I had a brother like your neighbor kid. My parents also didn't like tattlers. sigh

Buggys said...

It always makes me laugh when someone says to me "don't put this on your blog!" Guaranteed.

I have a perpetually stuffy/runny nose and can not give up my Kleenex! I'll green up elsewhere but not with my Kleenex!

Frogs in my formula said...

Chlomadia? That's just wrong.

Dysfunctional Mom said...

I'm lmao at Vulvodynia. I just accidentally typed VOLVOdynia.
I think I'll name our next pet one of those names.
I hear you on the Kleenex crap. They're all determined to make wasteful little germophobes out of everyone.

Katherine said...

That name reminded me of the Seinfeld episode... trying to remember a woman's name... it rhymes with a woman's body part... they came up with MULVA LOL!

I want to go to blogher sooo bad but I don't have the money. Oh well!


blognut said...

You lost me at Vulvodynia because I am over here cringing with phantom sympathy pain for your friend.


Catootes said...

Does Vulvodynia beat her breast at the injustices of the world? I certainly hope so.

I was going to go to BlogHer because NY is close. But the cost? Is prohibitive. I'd like to meet some great people, but the budget screamed when I tried to squeeze $300 bucks out of it.

Mrsbear said...

Vulvodynia is nothing to snicker about. Pardon me, that wasn't a snicker, it was a sneeze.


We went to a birthday party recently at a park that's a grassed over former landfill...see, they do have their uses.

You should sell one of your kidneys to go to BlogHer. I don't know if it's worth it, but I am going and one can never have too many people to stalk. :P

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