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About me: I'm 42 and added another gherkin to our pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our 9-year-old Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Why it takes 45 minutes to read a 10-page book

“Junior, this is Gossie. This is Gert—”

“—Is that Gertie? Where’s his body?”

"—It's drawn off the page."


"I don’t know, sweetie. Artistic license. Gossie wears bright red boots. Gertie wears—”

“—Are they gonna eat those bugs? What’s on his nose? Is that a bee? Is that a bumble bee? I don't like bumble bees. They eat flowers.”

“—Bright blue boots. They are friends. Best—”

“—FRIENDS! Are they gonna eat that sider?”


"Why they gonna eat that sider?"

"I'm not sure. Sssshhhh. They splash in the rain. They play—"

"—Are they swimming outside? Is that Gossie?"

"—Hide-and-seek in the—"


"They dive in the—"

"—What's that? Is that a banana? Is that two bananas?"

"—Shhh, honey. They're under water. You can't see their heads. Let's listen to the story."

"Why they under water?"

"They watch in the night. They play in the—"

"—Why's he yellin'? Is he yellin'? Is that Gertie?"

"—Yes. They're on the haystacks and they're talking. Ok? Now let's listen. Everywhere Gossie goes, Gertie goes too. 'Follow me!' cried Gossie—"

"Is that Gossie?"

"Yes." (Skip two pages) "Gertie followed a hopping frog—"

"—Why's he gonna eat that frog? Why does he want to eat that frog?"

"She's jumping after the frog."


"Because ducks are good jumpers."

"Ducks don't jump. They SWIM. You're silly. That's silly. Is that a duck?"

"Sshhhh. 'Follow me!' shouted Gossie. But Gertie followed a butterfly."


"Because she wanted to see a butterfly instead."


"Because she likes butterflies. 'Follow me!' shouted Gossie, as she followed—"

"Is she yellin'? Why is she mad? Is she eatin'? Is she mad?"

"She's not mad, she's just talking loud." (Skip two pages) "We're almost done, so let's listen. Gossie and Gertie are friends. Best—"

"FRIENDS! Read it again, Mommy? Read another story? Tell me a story? Mommy? Mommy? Can you talk, Mommy? Can you talk to me Mommy?"


Julia said...

Oh crap. I can only imagine what he's gonna say when he sees the Bingo book...

Jenni said...

Oh my god, Oscar says the same thing, "Talk to me, Momma. TALK!" Ahhhhh!

Mrsbear said...

Insert sharpened pencil "A" in eye socket "B". Twist. Repeat.

What kind of name is Gossie for a banana anyway?

Still On The Verge said...

I am getting the same thing here with my four year old. One book can last all night long.


Stacie said...

I get a diluted version of that from my 2-year old. She's just learning how to say, "what's that?, "who is that?" and "what's this?"

Reading to her at bed time proved challenging.

Cris Goode said...

We have a rule around here. I read the first time and she has to read the next time ;)

Brandy said...

It's supposed to be a good thing he's so inquisitive, right?! Right.

rachel... said...

Okay, by "DAISIES" I was wondering when you were going to start skipping pages.

All sounds very familiar, though.

Dagmar said...

I'm laughing so hard! This is hilarious. Love it!

My son's new thing is asking, "What does that do?" every time we pass the cemetery :)

Dagmar's momsense

Pricilla said...

are you puffin'?

kyooty said...

hehe he's a smart boy to ask so many questions. My kids aren't that spoiled. :P

The Mother said...

That is exactly why it takes me 2 hours to get through a biology lecture. Tangent after tangent after tangent.

The thing is--that's the kind of kid you want. Even if you can't go to the bathroom without answering 50 unrelated questions.

Frogs in my formula said...

Pricilla, this time we're not puffin!

Alison said...

Lol that is great. My son doesn't do thank goodness. But maybe because I plow through books if he starts doing that.

I love that Gossie book though.

Lindy said...

I'll admit, when I read to my daughter I would purposely skip pages just to GET ON WITH THE BOOK already.

Catootes said...

And this is why there are audiobooks.

Mama Badger said...

Preaching to the choir over here. Now I get, "Mama, turn book so little o see. He can't see. I can't see. Is that a tutle? Little o, that's a turle. Can you see the tutle? Mama, wait, he needs to see the tutle."

They say we should read to them daily. Does it matter if we only get through the first page of the book?

Annaliese said...

OMG! I soo know how you feel! I'm dreading the day that my 4 year old points out the fact that I've skipped a few pages...then what?! Right now that's my only saving grace!!!

Magpie said...

Ha ha ha. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. They learn to READ!

Pam said...

I am LMAO because I FEEL your pain...and if it makes it any better for you, I listen to it in stereo with the twins and they double team the questions!!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

bananas?!? HAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!

AmyBow said...

i so feel your pain.

Dugout Daisy said...

Reading this and reading the comments left by others... I am so looking forward to motherhood ;)

Grace said...

I'm sorry I can't commiserate - that's what I love about little kids - the questions and the tangents they go off on...

Jamie said...

Hilarious because it is TRUE. Yep diluted version here too. Mostly "what's that?" "what's that there?" and a rousing rendition of the ABC song.

Jen said...

I was so glad when my daughter started reading. For this and so she could change the channel on the TV all by herself. I used to skip so many pages because it took so long and she obviously wasn't paying attention to the story. You'll get there, it might take a little longer but you are moving in the right direction.

blognut said...

Heh! You have to read him One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish.

That will blow up his little mind!!!

Marinka said...

Thanks for ruining the ending for me.

Otter Thomas said...

I would just like to get to read an entire book. My son listens for a little while then just takes the book away and leaves.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

OMG that's awesome. Did you record that and have someone transcribe it? Because that whole interchange sounds just about right on.

Wendy said...

The alternative is what I had... a kid that wouldn't speak at all. Someone somewhere has a kid in between. Lucky lady. :)

Stefanie said...

I am just laughing so husband and I HATE this book! You took the words right out of my mouth!