Friday, May 14, 2010

Today on the Young and the Enraged: Mold and booze

Mrs. Mullet: "Honey? The tub faucet won't shut off."

Chuck: "Step aside, I'll fix it."

Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam. Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam. Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam. Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam. Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam. Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam.

One hour later...

Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam. Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam. Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam. Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam. Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam. Clang. Bash. Rip. Crash! Thud. Spud. Rip. Smatter. Bam. Slam.

Two hours later...

Chuck: "Faucet's fixed. Take a look."



Mrs. M: "Omigawd! What the fuck did you do?"

Chuck: "I had to gut it." Beats chest. "You'll have to use the downstairs bathroom and bathe Junior in the kitchen sink. I'll spackle in some new sheetrock and gussy up the lathes."

Mrs. M: "The what? What did you do?"

Junior: "Can I see? Can I see? Can I see?"

Chuck: "Relax, Butterbutt. When I was 16 I built a house for Habitat for Humanity. I know what I'm doing."

Mrs. M: "Agh!" Then, this:



Mrs. M: "No. Oh, no. Did you drunken demo, Chuck? Did you? Did you?"

Junior: "Is that dirty? Can I see down there? Can I touch it? Can I see?"

Chuck: "Yes, baby, I did." Scratches self.

Junior: "Is that dirty? Can I see down there? Can I touch it? CAN I SEE?"

Chuck: "Sorry, son, you'll be bathing in the sink for awhile."

Mrs. M: "He can't. You haven't done the dishes. In like, 10 years."

Chuck [throws head back and laughs]: "Dishes? Sweetpea, I don't have time for dishes. This is going to take me at least a month."

Hah! This is one tactical maneuver I did not see coming. Nicely done, Viking. Nicely done.

22 comments:

Jenni said...

wow. i think i'll go yell at my husband now.

Small Town Mommy said...

I can totally imagine my husband doing that but without the Guinness influence. I would totally freak.

VandyJ said...

Oh I hope he gets it fixed soon. At lest when my hubs tackles something he give fair warning--usually.

Brandy said...

oh wow. just wow. umm. ya.

Stacie said...

I would have flipped the f*ck out. And, to top it off, "just bathe Junior in the sink" My daughter is 2 and wouldn't even fit in the sink.

He better just build you a whole new bathroom after what he just did, ha!

Keely said...

That looks exactly like our bathroom did, a couple weeks ago. It's got tiles now but is still not finished. Unfortunately I have no control over the guy doing the drunken renos, because he's not my husband.

Just throw the dishes in the tub, he can do both.

Mama Badger said...

A month at least? Cut off that beer supply.

Catootes said...

OMG.
We're going to turn two bedrooms into 3 in a few weeks time and I am very very frightened.

Pricilla said...

I don't even want to go here since the male person has been building the yurt for the LAST THREE FREAKIN' YEARS AND THE PUBLICIST IS ABOUT READY TO BLOW.

Excuse me. I am going to go chew my cud now.

Otter Thomas said...

I love drunken demo. Good job Chuck.

Lindy said...

Maybe he'll make it all dreamy and full of awesome now.

Message to Chuck: don't let her down!

Stacie's Madness said...

ooohhh hahahahaha.
i mean...what a dummy.

hahahahahahah.

Loving Wife, Working Mom said...

At least he didn't suggest hosing the kid in the backyard... Sunshine cannot fix anything in the house anymore unless he has direct supervision or a plan of attack has been previously approved - for the same reason as your post.

The Mother said...

Laugh if you will, but having a handy hubby is worth several cases of Guinness. Maybe a keg.

FoN said...

Hmmm. You'll need to launch a counter offensive. I think your dad or your FIL and have them come stay with you for a while to 'help' Chuck with the reno.

Lisa said...

Oh. Mah. Gawd. Want me to put out a hit on him?

Katherine said...

Oh that SO rocks! Drunken demolition!! VERY sweet. Reminds me of when I fixed both toilets. Course I didn't have a beer until after.

So my question is... the mug. with the mouth. You got it where? :)

Katherine
shoot-me-now.com

冠琴 said...

路過--你好嗎..很棒的BLOG.

blognut said...

*shakes head*

No good can come of this... none at all.

Jen said...

A month?

Hahahahaha!

kyooty said...

a month! i'm still waiting for Bathroom sink taps! while the water drips un seen under the counter. ick!

Julia said...

Uh? Maybe you should never ask him to fix anything again. Uh. I'm really at a loss for words. He really really tore it apart??? Really? Wow.

You're kidding right?

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