Thursday, May 20, 2010

It also doubles as a gym sock

I’ve been thinking a lot about my trip last weekend to Assachusetts. It was great to see my girlfriends, Vulvodynia and Andy, and learn about their vaginal conditions. We laughed, we cried, we talked about our vaginas—what’s better than that?

The thing is, I almost didn’t go because I was annoyed with Andy. Up until last weekend, she’d been asking me to get together—without Junior. And she wasn’t subtle about it. Instead of, “Hey, how about a girl’s night out?” she’d email me: “How about a girl’s night out without Junior? You can come visit alone and we can hang out without the kid. How about driving up, just YOU?”

That peeved me. I work full-time and my weekends are Junior Time; nothing interferes with that. Nothing.

So I wrote back, “I GET IT. You’d like to see just me.”

She replied, “Sorry. Yes.”

I ranted to Chuck: “How dare she email me that? How could she be so—”

“—Honest? Go to Assachusetts. I can count on one hand the number of times in the last three years you’ve spent the night at your friends’.”



Chuck was right. I needed to embark on a “me time” journey.


I hate that saying, and I hate the concept. It seems and fluffy and cliche. And let’s be honest, it’d be easier to take guilt-free “me time” if I didn’t work. Then, time away from Junior would be just that, instead of being MORE time away from Junior. The last thing I want to bring to my life is more time away from Junior, even if it means I’m a nicer, better person.

But come on, Mrs. Mullet, five hours isn’t going to kill anyone.

As for Andy, there was nothing wrong with that fact that she wanted to hang out with me without Junior. Imagine that! Adult time without breaks for diaper changes or sippy cup spills or meltdowns. How could she not want that?

The thing is, people need friends. Moms and dads, people without kids, aliens—even Ryan Seacrest needs friends. And that’s ok. I have to cut myself some slack. I have to stop watching the clock and tallying up the time Junior and I spend together to make sure it’s enough. I can’t be with him as much as I want, but until Chuck finds a full-time job (Chuck, can you hurry the fuck up?), I can’t fix that. Our relationship won’t flounder because I spend one weekend a year (or, gasp, two) with my friends.

Jesus. The guilt. The drama. The inner turmoil. The maxi pads!

Yes—that’s a maxi pad teabag. It was for my friend Vulvodynia’s tea. When she brought it back to the table I laughed until I cried.

Corny “Sex in the City” conclusion: It was a good thing I went. In fact, I may even go again.


Pricilla said...

I'm glad you had fun. Junior will survive and survive well.

You need your sanity or you will not survive his teenage years.

Or Chuck's

Lindy said...

I must give props to Chuck for staying with Junior everyday AND telling you to go spend time with your friends on the weekend. I'm impressed.

The Mother said...

Your husband sent you? You've got a keeper.

Brandy said...

so awesome. i really really need a weekend away. I can feel it in my bones ESPECIALLY when I look at my husband and just think what a total jackass out of the blue

Keely said...

I'm bad for that too. Then when I get actual adult conversation I'm like, I feel so much better! Why don't I do that more often??

Then I forget. Again.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I hear you coz I'm in the same position! But, you are absolutely right! (In fact, I'm going on a Girls' night out next weekend before my birthday!!). Happens only once in 4-6 months but its worth it to keep you feeling a little less drained!!

Stacie's Madness said...

hahah just for the blog fodder, I am sure glad you went. ;)

Mama Badger said...

Wow, that's some tea bag.

I have a once a month book club. I get a few hours each month to keep me mostly sane. And none of the overnight guilt.

I need some overnight guilt, though. A full nights sleep, anyone?

Ms. Salti said...

I don't care what kind of situation you're in, whether it's married with kids, single, gay, straight, alien or Ryan Secrest... everyone needs some "me" time. And that can be spent with friends or alone... but we all need to recharge sometimes and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm glad you were able to get away for a bit and you girls had fun!

Mammatalk said...

I hear ya! Glad you went.

Nicole said...

Good for you for taking a "me" day. God knows we all need them. Love the maxi pad tea bag. When my son was little he came out of the bathroom with pads stuck all over himself...he was playing hospital and they were his bandages, and yup Im a moron and didn't take a picture. love your blog!!

Mrsbear said...

It really does help you to feel like a person again. Having uninterrupted vag conversations and being able to curse freely. Come on, how can that not make you a better mom?

FoN said...

Glad you had fun! At least your hubby is supportive about it- mine has used the fact I went away for a long weekend in pretty much every conversation we've had for the last 12 days. And I even took one of the kids WITH me.

Fucker. Him, not you.

MaryBT said...

I get to feeling that way a lot.

I tell myself that I work away from my daughter so that I can give her the gift of being home with dad. So that I can give her a nice home. So that I can give her good food.

Sometimes it actually works. lol. I'm glad you had a good time. :)

Jen said...

You husband is a dear for making you go. I haven't had a girls weekend in nearly a decade and I'm a little irritated to show for it.

I don't think I could drink the maxi pad tea.

SmartBear said...

I can soooo relate. It's so hard to get away when all you have is that weekend time. But, when I do it....I never regret it!

Buggys said...

No place for guilt on this issue. No Juniors were harmed in the making of a good girls weekend. Kudos to Chuck!

JD at I Do Things said...

Aw! I'm glad you went, if only to get that photo of a maxipad tea bag. I bet the tea was especially delicious.

SLColman said...

Maxi Pad Tea Bag???

Awesome that Chuck said to go :)

The Kind Of Post — except the part where I don't "kind of" have 3 kids

I've been thinking about going back to work full-time instead of cobbling together my income with 7+ freelance jobs, part-time work...