Dear National Kidney Foundation,
Two questions. Where's the kidney stone branch of your foundation, cause that's the one I really care about. And second, under the "donate" section of your website, where's the box for "live person"?
I just drugged my husband; he's propped up in the car. I've only got 30 minutes to get him to you for analysis—or whatever it is you'd like to do with his ample supply of kidney stones—before he comes to and starts groaning again.
Please. End the groaning.
About me: I'm 42 and added another gherkin to our pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our 9-year-old Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). When I'm not busy working as a graphic designer, I lie in a ball in the corner.