Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Slimy, wordful, disgusting Wednesday



RIP you sons of bitches asparagus. We both knew when I bought you that I had no idea what I was going to do with you. Bake you? Boil you? Pick my nose with you?

Instead of googling recipes I let you die a slow and painful death in my fridge. In a word: vegecide. And now you'll meet your maker via a composter, right next to a moldy acorn squash. What you two do in your final hours is between you and your slimy pokey parts.

Ew.

26 comments:

Keely said...

Aw, poor smelly-pee vegetables.

Mama Badger said...

What a shame. A veg with no life plan gone to rot. Just shows that the meeting with your guidance counselor might be worth the trouble after all.

Stacie's Madness said...

i hate when that happens.

FoN said...

Steam them. They're good! As far as vegetables goes, that is.

Stacie said...

I say, let them die a slow death. Asparagus are not meant to live a happy life.

May they rot.in.peace.

Pricilla said...

Roast them!
Just cut a bit off the bottom, add some olive oil, salt and pepper. Pop 'em in a 350* oven for about half an hour and you will love asparagus.

Now, I as a goat eat them raw.

Lindy said...

I just bought asparagus. There's a good chance mine and yours are kindred spirits.

Casy Schweickart said...

I don't much care for them either. My husband likes them though so I sometimes find them in my shopping cart. I just steam them and put a little cheese on top.

Doris Sturm said...

Poor asparagus - they deserved better!

Just FYI, I love steaming fresh veggies - any kind and drizziling Hollandaise or Bernaise sauce over them...and I cheat, I buy the Knorr package and all you need is milk and butter and it tastes like the Ritz! HONEST!

Small Town Mommy said...

I agree with Pricilla. My pickiest eater will eat roasted asparagus. It tastes like potato chips.

The Mother said...

I like asparagus.

It's the snow peas that generally rot in my frig.

Grand Pooba said...

I heard that's the number one leading cause of death for asparagus.

Buggys said...

Give it to the goat, I say! Or the compost heap. Humans were never intended to eat that stuff!

Lana@The Kids Did WHAT?! said...

I've done the EXACT same thing asparagus.

Only mine met it's maker right next to the moldy zucchini.

I have no clue what do do with asparagus either.

jadenotjaded said...

Even when you cook 'em according to recipe they never turn out good anyway. They deserved to die...

Frogs in my formula said...

Amen. Vent your asparagus hate.

Mrsbear said...

In your defense asparagus goes bad pretty fast. If its slimy I won't touch it. Gurg. They also taste like twigs...cause I munch on those all the time...

Sharyn said...

Next time grill them; if they go bad before you can do that, then compost them.

Mad Woman said...

That happens a lot in my house. Vegetables enter my house to die.

Alison said...

I live with a vegetarian...and we still manage to have rotting veggies! We loved grilled asparagus with garlic toast!

Katherine said...

I do the olive oil, garlic and kosher salt, but I broil it... YUM!!!

Love how you wrote this post... so great!

Jen said...

I have half a cauliflower that could join them. It's got fuzz on it.

SeriousMom said...

My adult stepson comes over, opens the fridge and says, "What are you going to do with this _____?" and I say, "Oh, I was planning on leaving it in there until it grows fur. Help yourself."

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

They would have died a slow death in my fridge, too. Only hubby would have been horrified over that! ;)

Marinka said...

Asparagus is super delicious and makes your pee funky. What more can you ask from a vegetable?

ck said...

hilarious!

honestly, there's nothing worse than finding a surprise bunch of asparagus that expired in the back of the fridge. i mean, it seemed so promising when you're shopping and being all healthy and whatnot. it's a shame when low blood sugar prompts the purchase of vegetables instead of chips and swiss cake rolls.

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