Frogs on Facebook

www.facebook.com/FIMFormula

ABOUT ME

About me: I'm a 40-something mother to a pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our tween Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler Cam, and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). I'm a freelance graphic designer and writer.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Random Tuesday Thoughts: The Underwear Chronicles

randomtuesday

Grrr. It's Tuesday.

I'm feeling sickish. When I looked up my symptoms on the Internet, I found a site called the Symptom Checker. Their web address is symptoms.wrongdiagnosis.com.

At least they're honest.

How many pairs of underwear is it normal to own? I counted my underwear (oh quiet, I was cleaning out my top drawer) and I had 82 pairs. Is that, um, the usual amount of underwear to own or do I have issues?

We're going on a boat tour of the Thimble Islands for my friend's 35 birthday in a few weeks. We get to bring our own food and drinks and watch the sunset. Listening to gulls while eating a weenie and slugging red wine seems idyllic. It makes me think of my own 35th birthday, for which I was covered in vomit and dabbling in suppositories.

Oh wait, no it doesn't.

I wish Athleta had never started sending me their catalogs. I want everything they make, including their asscheeks.



I'm finally embracing my curly hair. I'm going to ween myself off the blow dryer. Using a 1875-watt hairdryer for 12 minutes a day equals more than 500 lb of CO2 emissions annually. But honestly, that's not why I'm quitting it. I'm tired of pissing away 20 minutes every other morning so I can have straight hair. I work in Mulletville for fuck's sake.

Should I also embrace the tankini? It seems inevitable.

Did you know that a blog with 15,000 visits a month has a yearly CO2 emissions of 8 lb? Since I get 18 visits a month I'm in the clear, but if you're up there with Dooce or Schmooce or Lickagoose, this company will plant a tree on behalf of your blog if you click this link.

Be honest. You're dying to go count your underwear, aren't you?

29 comments:

The Mother said...

Alas, the bodies in the Aleta catalog, or Victoria's Secret, for that matter, are not considered merchandise.

My teens think that's almost as bogus as I do.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Wouldn't it be great if you could order up some ass cheeks from a catalog? Oh wait. That's probably a different catalog.

I guess you must have taken it to heart when your mother told you to always have a clean pair of underwear. ;)

The birthday celebration sounds like fun - you could pretend it's for your 35th, too - sort of a 'do over. ;)

Lindy said...

I need 82 bras. I'm so sick of my options: white, black, feeling sexy, feeling like I'm on my period - seems kind of blah to me.

Sara said...

82 seems a tad bit excessive. Just a tad. ;) I think you should embrace the curly hair. The tankini, well, I love them, but according to my husband I should still be wearing triangle tops and brazilian bottoms. I don't think so. Post what you decide to get! :)

FoN said...

Girlfriend, that is a LOT of underwear. Is it at least sex-incuding underwear, or are you talking 80+ pairs of Haynes?

VandyJ said...

The underwear numbers kind of depend on the purpose of the underwear. And you're right I want to count how many I have.

I like the tankinis I have. If you get the right one they look good.

I am Harriet said...

Wish I could do a full pigeon like the Altheta model.

Have a great Tuesday!
http://harrietandfriends.com/2010/04/maybe-larry-should-hook-up-with-liz/

Angel said...

well you are right I want to count my underwear now, although If they are for different purposes then it kinda makes sense to have that much.

Brandy said...

what she's doing there - that's not normal. and yay for curly hair. every time I wear my hair curly people are like did you get a perm and I'm all nope natural like I told you 47 times before

slow panic said...

sigh. i don't even have to count my underwear. i'm no where near the 80s. i think i would be happier if i were

Jenera said...

That seems like an awful lot of underroos. I only have about 12 and my husband only has about 6. That looks even more terrible when I see it on the screen, lol.

Pricilla said...

If you read Let's Have a Cocktail you will know you can buy ass cheeks but the outcome might not be good.

I always wanted curly hair but it's strait as a board. You always want what you don't have.

Now I just want to drop this kid and get on with my SpokesGoating. I'm tired of being pregnant.

Buggys said...

If I had curly hair I would not be wasting time blowing it dry. In fact, I gave up the blow dryer, I just it in a bun every day. Takes 2 minutes.

Ok, 82 pairs of drawers? I think you have an underwear fetish. Actually I have 2 drawers full (also 2 for socks/tights) I probably only wear the top...maybe 8% from each drawer. Why not throw the rest away? It's like when you look in the fridge and it seems as if you have no food because there are no leftovers.

Alison said...

First I want to say that I found you through Diapers and Wine and have enjoyed reading your stuff. You can check with D+W...we are close! :)

Second... I too would like everything in the Athleta catalog and if you like them...you should check out Title Nine. www.titlenine.com as they are similar.

Also I have curly hair and decided to embrace it years ago. I have recently (about a year ago) found a great hair product for those of us with curly hair. It is called Chi Organics Olive Nutrient Therapy Glaze. I use it as a styling product. I get out of the shower and put about a quarter sized amount in my hand (I have shortish hair)and starting at the roots, work it to the end. Then I walk away and it dries all curly and such. Again check with D+W...I wouldn't lie to you!

Sorry to take your random thoughts and make sense of them...at least some of them!

Alison said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Keely said...

82????

Jen said...

I will be counting my underwear tonight I guess, thanks. I have the ones that fit, the ones I want to fit back into and the ones that are stained. Oh, and the ones for special occasions which I'm sure the elastic has disintegrated since they haven't seen a special occasion in years.

Mrsbear said...

I don't know, 82 seems just a tad excessive, unless you routinely go through and exorbitant amount of undies in a day...

I've embraced the tankini, it makes it so much easier to use the bathroom than a one piece. I haven't worn a bikini since 1995. :(

Julia said...

OH that site... Lets get some MORE guilt in our life. Really. WE all need MORE GUILT!!

I have been chucking the Athleta and Title Nine catalogues on account of their INSANE prices. I protest the 50 dollar t shirts. It's robbery I tell ya.

But I do love their clothes.

Frogs in my formula said...

It's a good thing Athleta doesn't make underwear or else I'd buy more...

and more...

and more....

mwahahahahaha!

shopannies said...

love the name of that site and boy oh boy that is alot of pairs of underware

Margaret aka: Fact Woman said...

I love the Athleta catalog too. Every single thing in it.
I have straight hair and pay to get it curly. I wish I had naturally curly hair. Maybe we could trade.

Beta Dad said...

That's way too many pairs of underwear. If you are like my wife, you have had 40 of them since you were in college. And that was 15 years ago.

I just read your poop advice post and you have won me over. You didn't mention the strategy of finding the handicapped one-holer bathroom with the lock on the door, but I guess that's obvious. I had a friend in college who only pooped once a week, and if he was in public, he would call his girlfriend to come pick him up and take him home (he didn't have a car), then destroy the toilet at home. Because he clogged the toilet every single time and got sick of plunging, he eventually started collecting the shit in a grocery bag and throwing it in the dumpster across the street.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

Damn you! I AM dying to go count my underwear but I'm over 100 miles away from my top drawer. That's going to kill me now until Sunday.

Cristin said...

I only have a week's worth of undies... and sometimes I go commando.

I only have two bras... going commando there too.

I embraced my curliness years ago... I don't engage in hairstyling of any kind.

I'm so hot.

Catootes said...

I'd just like to know where my underwear is when I go looking for it. Because it never seems to be in my top drawer.

Mama Badger said...

You know if you could buy those ass cheeks they'd never look as good on you as they do in the catalog, right? Always the way.

Embrace whatever kind of swimsuit makes you look happy. If tankinis don't do it for you, don't go there. Nothing worse than watching a lady at the pool tugging at her swimsuit. Leave that for the teenagers wearing bikinis.

Small Town Mommy said...

Now I am feeling very deprived about the number of pairs of underwear I own. I haven't counted them, but considering how hard it can be to find a clean pair, I am sure I don't have 82 pairs. I better go shopping.

Vancouver's Enviro Girl said...

Damn, I went and counted. Apparently because I have some sort of OCD and cannot NOT know how many pairs of unnerware I have (incidentally it is 34 1/2 (yes, a half because that one is just WRONG so I demoted it)