If you are a mom who lives in New York City (or a dad or someone else) and you drag children from one place to the next on public transportation, give yourself a nice big pat on the back.*
After a weekend in NYC, I am exhausted.
When my friend suggested we trek from the upper, upper West Side to Central Park on Saturday, I had no idea that most subway stops do not have elevators.
I repeat: do not have elevators.
You must carry your 30-pound child in his or her stroller (or carry the child and the stroller) up and down stairs. Sometimes there are multiple flights. This seems somewhat barbaric to me—especially if your diaper bag and picnic lunch accoutrements are cutting off the circulation in your neck. Not to mention: what if you're a mom who only has one arm? Or one leg? (I work with a woman who only has one arm and all weekend I thought of her. All weekend.)
Once you finally get to the subway platform (and you'd better pray it's the right one), you must either roll your child in the stroller into a cranky herd of already smushed train people, or you must carry your child and the stroller into the crowd. (Actually, you're supposed to do the latter; the one time I did it, the stroller opened up as I was stepping into the train and I had to yell, "Help!" because the doors were starting to shut, and as much as I'd appreciate a free body trim, I kind of like my lower half.)
I had a lovely time in the Big Apple, I really did. But why are there not more pro wrestling tournaments featuring New York City moms? You guys must be rippling goddesses (or top-heavy freaks). After a day of lugging Junior (plus all the miscellaneous kid junk) up and down stairs and into and out of heaving, bulging, sweaty crowds I felt like:
a) I should be at the tippety-toppiest level of Frogger
b) I could kick anyone's ass with my newfound arms of steel**
I'm going to bed now. I'm sure you understand.
* With your fucking ginormous guns.
** I typed this in about 0.2 seconds because my forearms are now the size of whale fins.
***I feel like I'm ripping off Jen Lancaster with all these stupid asterisks.