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ABOUT ME

About me: I'm a 40-something mother to a pickle party of a family. My husband Chuck, our tween Junior, our 6-year-old Everett, our toddler Cam, and I live in a town in Connecticut I affectionately call Mulletville Lite (aka my childhood hometown). My friends call me Nutjob, and they're right. In my husband's spare time he dresses up as a Viking and chases ghosts (and I'm the nutjob?). I'm a freelance graphic designer and writer.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Random Tuesday thoughts

randomtuesday

Every time I see this commercial:



I want to hurl daggers. What kind of sick joke is this to aspire to be more amazing? Juggle more? I mean really, aren't we doing enough already? Kelly Ripa and Electrolux, you give women a bad name. What’s wrong with aspiring to be even more average? You get more sleep that way.

The new hallways at work are really, REALLY long. Like, hundreds of feet long. When you see someone at the other end, there’s a lot of time to fill before the moment of impact. I need some better filler activities. Pretending to be engrossed in my cuticles/the blank walls/my wedgie for 50 yards is getting old.

My email address accidentally ended up in the hands of a singer. She wrote:

The opening measure of "La Montanara," which eluded me last night, and the passage in "Arrivdecerci Roma" that starts with "Porto in Inghilterra tuoi" both revolve around the A below middle C and middle C. I've found that once I got solid on the opening to "La Montanara," the "Arrivederci Roma" passage fell into place, especially if I keep going on instead of stopping after "Gli love you." A presto!


Is it bad to write back: “Who are you kidding? The opening measure of ‘La Montanara’ always eludes you. How many times do we have to go over it? And the openings revolve around E sharp and B flat. Do you even know your keys? Giuseppe and I have been talking. If you stop one more time after ‘Gli love you,’ it’s arrivederci for you, slutbag!”

Sometimes when I go outside at lunch and my frozen flesh hits the humid air, I hear a distinct sizzle. It makes me feel like a hotdog on a grill. (A very bodacious, svelte wiener, if you need a better visual aid.) I wonder if Kelly Rippa likes hotdogs? Maybe I’ll shoot her an email and ask her.

I said maybe. No need to set the world on fire if I don’t have to.

Assholes!

I think I want to try to bring back the word "bodacious." Will you help me?

Oh RTT, how I missed thee. Thank you, Keely. Grazie!

30 comments:

unbalanced libran said...

Who is she kidding??? I bet she doesn't even do her own laundry!
Thanks for making me feel inadequate...not beautiful, not sassy, not famous, kids that look
decidedly grungy & unhappy & mountains of clothes to wash - welcome to my world.

blueviolet said...

Kelly Ripa doesn't do her own laundry. Who's kidding who?

kyooty said...

Eletrolux? wow! I had no clue so now when you think Electrolux sales man you see Ripa? no this doesn't work for me, she's not juggling right. helpful?

Missy said...

All TV gives women a bad name. I hate when there is a perfectly clean and orderly home on TV. No doubt she will have 12 kids running around, not making messes. It's just not fair to raise the bar so high for us normal gals.
Happy RTT

Lindy said...

You HAVE to admit though, the stove that boils water in 90 seconds...totally bodacious.

I am Harriet said...

like Kelly does her own chores right?

http://iamharriet.blogspot.com/2009/06/worlds-ugliest-doghe-called-911-on.html

Maggie Madison said...

I just want to know if I buy the washer dryer combo,will I also get Kelly's bodacious body?

Keely said...

That commercial is kind of creepy. Well, maybe it's just HER.

So, did you write the singer back?? I often wonder if I don't get an email response from someone if it went to the wrong person. And they're busy laughing at my stupidity and lack of punctuation.

lizspin said...

I like bodacious.

Kate said...

The death of Billy Mays left an opening for two more celebrities to bite the bullet. Fingers crossed that Kelly is one of them. (Sorry, was that in poor taste? Wishing the death of someone simply because of their asinine commercials?)

And that email? WTF? I'm not sure that was even english.

Brandy said...

I'm really confused about the opera email thing, but I totally think you should email that back. and then let us know how that works out for you.

The Mother said...

If I could wriggle my nose and make my kids behave like perfect angels on the couch, I don't think I'd need a washer and dryer.

At least not as much.

Sheila said...

We KNOW Kelly Rippa doesn't do her own laundry! BEYOTCH!
And yeah - I'm on the "bodacious" ban-wagon!

blognut said...

I'll do my part to bring back bodacious.

Although, I gotta tell you, the only time I've ever heard it said, it was in reference to someone's bodacious ta ta's.

Mama Badger said...

Ahhh, Kelly Ripa. I don't wish death upon her, just her career dimise. I'm just tired of her. And her way to freaking high heals. Oh, and her kids aren't cute, how did they make it to the commercial?

~~tonya~~ said...

Too funny!! Great RTT!

I would so send that response to the singer.

Have a great bodacious day!

C.B. Jones said...

Possible revision to my newly acquired nickname: Dr. Bodacious Bob.

Or.

Bodacious Gyno Bob.

shopannies said...

you are so funny but what do you think she actually does at home? Probably has a different maid for each job

andy said...

i had to read the paragraph that the singer sent to you at least three times before it kind of made sense to me.

now i feel totally stupid.

and kelly ripa is a skinny bitch.

also, i completely understand the awkwardness that accompanies when walking toward people: when do i make eye contact, should i just say hi, don't look at his crotch...

andy

Pricilla said...

I am one bodacious goat!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I want to know where she gets time to exercise and whether she actually eats those cookies!!
I didn't quite understand the singer thing. :(

Stacie's Madness said...

bodacious ROCKS.

Ms. Salti said...

I'm with you on the Electrolux thing! And I will totally help you bring back bodacious!

Anne said...

I am sure Kelly has people who actually handle the appliances for her. Not sure who they are kidding with her as the average house wife. It seems to me that role models should be a little larger.

Hit 40 said...

Long halls!!! You should take a scooter in for fun to slide the halls.

Ashlee said...

She can't possibly know where her kitchen is! Look at her...she doesn't eat!!

Dto3 said...

As I bodaciously attack this bodacious comment box, my bodaciousness bodaciously eludes me.

Julia said...

I am not quite sure about bodaceous. I will try it with the kids and see what they come up with after they hear it a few times.

Since I have to lug my laundry out side of my house to my office/laundry room/guest house I could find a lot to bitch about Kelly commentary on laundry. Let her carry a basket of dry laundry through the pouring rain a few times (without getting it wet) and i will be impressed.

Elle said...

Like Kelly Ripa does her own laundry, or cooking, or actually uses whatever appliance Electrolux wants her to promote next.

Stacy (the Random Cool Chick) said...

Kelly Ripa doesn't do her own laundry...no way! So yeah, I'm with you on how annoying those commercials are. :)

I would write the singer back - and I LOVE what your response 'might' be... ;) It'd be hilarious to see if you get a reply to your reply...do it! :)

Your RTT was totally bodacious! Or, a simple answer to your question: 'Sure, why not?' ;)

Happy RTT a day late!