Friday, June 26, 2009

The week of being mad is now drawing to a close. Hopefully

I wasn't sure if I should post something today. Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett have died, and even though I didn't know them personally, I feel like I should say something about them. But beyond liking Charlie's Angels and the Thriller video when I was a kid, I don't have much more to offer. And certainly there are a slew of reporters and pundits and acquaintances and anchorpeople and Ryan O'Neals (did you see how much work he's had??) who have offered their touching tributes.

So now I need to find a segue between the deaths of two larger-than-life celebrities and what I really want to write about (again): the gynecologist.

Umm...eerr...Beat it...stirrups...no...oh frick, I'll just dive in.

The thing is, I'm mad (you're shocked, I know). Even though I called and made an appointment and asked specifically to see a female doctor because I am only comfortable having a woman doctor peruse the majestic she-clam that is my nether region, the office duped me again.

I’m actually starting to think there’s a note in my chart that says: “Patient is pain in ass. Demands female doc. Lie and say all female docs have been called into surgery. Send in Dr. Bob.”

Fricken Dr. Bob.

See, this is how I envision a man becoming a gynecologist: In college, at a frat party, a group of drunk guys chants, “Let’s be gy-nos! Let’s be gy-nos!” and one of them takes it seriously and enrolls in med school. The end.

(If you’re a male gynecologist and you’re reading this, I'm sorry for painting you with such a suspicious brush. If you want to set the record straight on how a male chooses the profession, please do so. I’d be tickled to hear your rationale.)

Anyway, in addition to being a man, Dr. Bob is so geriatric that:

a) I wait for him to bounce me on his knee after the appointment and offer me a Werther's Original

b) he wears one of these:



It’s a little disconcerting when gramps dons a headlamp and tells you to “Scoot down.” What pray tell is he looking for in there? Canaries? Coal? And I’m tired of scooting down. I don’t want to scoot down! I’m paying you—move your ass up to me.

So that’s it. As if my brush with the Ryan Seacrest of Dunkin Donuts wasn't enough, I had to don the itchy paper robe for the dreaded Dr. Bob. I'm thinking of switching practices. I'm annoyed.

What about you? Do you mind seeing a male doctor? My friend's father-in-law is an OBGYN and delivered all her kids. She didn't think anything of it. All I can say is, Christmas get togethers? Ewwww.

31 comments:

Lindy said...

It probably sounds odd but I prefer male ob's. The last thing I need is Mrs. Doctor going home at night telling her husband that her cooter was better than mine.

Brandy said...

ok. I had a male gyno and he was SO HOT! like ridiculously attractive. I had to quit going to him because I felt dirty.

Sheila said...

LOL! I'm with you! I DEFINIETLY have to have a female gyno! I've been with the same one for YEARS now! She's a little goofy - but it makes it MUCH easier. You can't really take her seriously! LOL! :) FEMALE GYNO ALL THE WAY!!!!
And having your father-in-law being your GYNO! NO WAY SAM!!!

Keely said...

Yep, my regular doc is female. I had to see a male ob at the end of my pregnancy but I saw him ONCE before being admitted (and he was the one who demanded they hijack and induce me so he is NOT in my good books). Who delivers your baby at the hospital here is the luck of the draw. She happened to be female, but at that point I couldn't have cared LESS.

Katie said...

We have several universities around the Detroit Metro area. My guy friend from childhood went to one of them I went to another. He would always invite me to his fraternity parties. His "little brother" who was nicknamed "Rambo" (you always had to have a nickname in frats, I guess) had this long hair and very muscular body. Well he said he was going to be a gyno. Personally I though he was too dumb the way they just drank beer and roared all of the time. Well I did date one of the other fraternity guys and he told me that Rambo actually did get into medical school and is a successful gyno! I couldn't even believe it.

Suzi said...

I see a male doctor. The one time I went in and saw a female she did so much sample scraping that I went home bleeding....and I didn't even have my period. You'd think women would be more gentle. I have found that men are...maybe because they respect the she clam.

Baby News said...

I prefer a female. In college, I went to the same nurse practitioner every year because she was so fast about it. In and out and done. Then I had to go to a guy because I didn't realize I should have a family doc and a gyn.

All that changed when I got pregnant. I LOVED her. Was excited, even, to have a normal "woman" doc that I could go to every year (the same person). Oh, but now I have a new job with new insurance with a new hospital and it all sucks. I work at a college now, so it's back to the college clinic for me....only it's a community college with only one doc. A male! I haven't been to him yet, but I'm already VERY uncomfortable about the whole situation. That must be the worst. To have gone into family practice and STILL have to do paps.

kyooty said...

In my 16yrs of 'checks' and deliveries, I've notice that male drs are gentler! all the females drs that have been poking around or taking things out? all rough! I guess they figure since they have these parts and they dont hurt when they do this stuff to them, it's fair? no it's not fair! stick to your own parts!

blognut said...

LOL! I never minded seeing a male gyne until I started seeing a female one. They are so much more gentle! Men just jab that speculum up there hard enough to poke it out the top of your head, but women get it and they're careful about your parts.

Kate said...

I was the same way. I didn't feel comfortable even going near a male gyno, but had to change with my current pregnancy to another doctor. Got some recommendations from my friends and bit the bullet. I LOVE my new doctor. He is wonderful. That first pelvic was filled with anxiety but he made me feel completely comfortable. I hope that he lives a long, long life and has to wear one of those flashlight headgear things when his eyesight goes, because I don't want to go to anyone else.

FoN said...

Your friend let her Father In Law down there? No way, man. For the most part, I agree with you. My first preference is qualified and knowledgable, but my next is estrogen. Both would be a nice treat.

Gina said...

I don't mind a male doctor,a s afar as the exam goes, but I find it slightly easier to discuss things with a female doctor. But a Father-in-Law - no way!

The Mother said...

I've had so many pelvic exams that I really don't think there's anything left there that's interesting.

When I was in med school, we learned to do pelvic exams on real volunteers. I thought is was so great that I volunteered for years.

My favorite story was a nervous young fellow who shook out the drape and said, "I feel like I'm at a picnic!"

Then turned a very, very dark shade of crimson. I thought we were going to have to find a crash cart.

Alabama Redhead said...

I have a male doc and he's pretty awesome, as awesome as someone diggin around in your "special purpose" can be.

C.B. Jones said...

My new nickname from now on: Dr. Bob.

laughingatchaos said...

I go to an all-women practice. I have a male primary doctor and I even try to avoid him, but that's mainly because DOCTORS SHOULDN'T BE MY AGE! LOL Find a female practice. ;)

Kayleen said...

I would much rather see a female, all my life until I got pregnant I went to females, and now the only baby delivering doctors within 50 miles - yeah they are all men... so at 25 weeks along, the man doc has yet to see my um- what did you call it? clam something? But my days are numbered until he will be all up in my biz-nass.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

well, the doc who delivered my first baby was male and the doc who delivered my second baby was female and both times, it was equally annoying to spread my legs in front of them!!
But, definitely I would put my foot down to doing it front of a Gramps or a FIL (NO WAY!!!!!!)

How to Party with an Infant said...

canaries? coal? You're too hilarious.

Frogs in my formula said...

Katie, that is the best comment EVER. LMAO.

CB Jones, henceforth you shall be known as "Dr. Bob."

Mary Anna said...

I've had mostly men, and I absolutely lived Dr. V. But, when I got pregnant with Thing 1, I realized he was too far away. He recommended a woman at the practice's other office. She's like Elaine from Seinfeld and has even asked if she could try on my shoes! Both my boys, though, were delivered by her male partner, who happened to go to my church. I remember telling him during an exam that I didn't want to poop on the table. After I finished delivering Thing 1, I just looked at him - he assured me I didn't. With Thing 2, I stopped having contractions and he cooperated with my request to try pushing anyway instead of rushing into a C-section. Then he gave me cards for Pablo to have the snip-snip.

Dto3 said...

I've never really understood women being more comfortable with another woman in her nether regions. My take is, I'm not very hip to having another guy grab my left nut and asking me to cough. But, that's just me.

Lori said...

For fifteen years my mom has worked for various OB/GYNs--I even worked one summer cleaning specs (speculums, aka, the duck billed clam opener) which was defintely my second worst job, but it made me like the male docs way more.

They don't care. Most of them crack ridiculous jokes in and out of the exam room, but the two fem docs were awful, like make you bleed and tell you to take it like a woman drill sargeant types.

This one's NOT for the ladies...

Leanne said...

Hmm. I've had both and neither bothered me all that much. But if my father-in-law was one? Ah, no. Me that the girls would be going to see someone else. Just sayin.

Chalna said...

My male ob/gyn is the best doctor I have ever had in my life. I think it depends on the person, not the sex. There are not enough words for what a wonderful doctor my OB is...I actually look forward to visits now (even horrid paps!) because I miss him and his wonderful nurses. So I think it just depends! :-)

Harmony said...

I'm with you...I want someone who has the same equipment looking under my hood...

Jeanne said...

Six of one, half dozen of the other -- or maybe it just feels that way when they're shoving cold metal up your....

Joking aside, I currently use my female PCP as my gyno (because I'm trying to be a responsible user of my healthcare benefits).

Mrsbear said...

All four of my kids have been delivered by different OBs. Three out of four were men. The woman was by far the gentlest and most supportive. The only one that was there from the time I checked in to the hospital to the moment I delivered. Although with my last baby, the Dr. worked with a female midwife, who during her examination of me, quite possibly removed my spleen through my cervix. Worst. ever.

I would never let my FIL any where near my hoohah. There's no going back from that.

Pricilla said...

the publicist has been the hospital three times. Twice for brain surgeries in which she was so out of it she hardly remembers said hospitalizations.

SO MANY people saw her naked or half naked she now doesn't care any more who sees her naked. Well, at the doctor's office anyway. And it might also have something to do with turning 50 this summer. She figures ain't no one gonna care about her naked 50 year old body.

The good thing about female gyno is they at least warm the stupid metal first....

Susan said...

I don't mind a male doctor, (sometimes it's as close as I can get to The Sex), but if I've specifically made a request for a woman there by Gawd better be someone with tits to shove that metal clamp up my hooch. I'd be tempted to smear something grody looking on a slide, drop it at the front desk and say, "Here's my stuff. Gotta run."

Magpie said...

i've always chosen a female gynecologist, but the practice that i delivered the babe with had three woman and one man. and they all rotated through - just in case. and i swear, that guy? had the best hands. totally and completely gentle, even doing internals while i was in labor.

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