Sunday, June 28, 2009

Transylvanian also kind of rhymes with lesbian. Plus, a giveaway

Sometimes I worry about the future, but not for the obvious reasons—war, violence, the breakdown of society, Kathy Lee Gifford living to be 100—that we all do.

Ok, maybe not all of us.

I worry because people are strange, and they seem to be getting stranger. And for some reason, this week was the Week of the Wackadoos. First, there was the dentally challenged Ryan Seacrest. Then, today, the cashier at Stop and Shop.

“Listen to this,” she said as she rang me out. “My sister told her four-year-old she’s part Lebanese. A few days later the little girl asked, ‘Am I really part lesbian, Mommy?’ She thought she was half lesbian! Doesn’t that just kill you?”

“Mmyah. That’s a great story.”

On the way out, I saw a red blob running toward me. It was the cashier.

“Pssst! Honey! What was the name of the country I told you? Was it 'S' something?”

“What?”

“It’s a country isn’t it? The lesbian-sounding one?”

“Lebanon? The Lebanese?”

“Right.”

Stop and Shop, I think you might want to check your Ready Whip inventory. Whippets are the only explanation I have for someone forgetting the details of her own story in a two-second timeframe. And what if I'd said Syria or Scotland? Or heck, South Carolina?

Anyway, if you're having trouble keeping track of the minor details, too, I have something that I think will help.



Yes, I'm giving away numbers. There are two 19" x 24" sheets of decals per pack. They come in blue, green, orange and yellow. You can peel 'em and stick 'em till your heart's content. You can practice counting with your kid. You can keep track of how many tequila shots you’ve done or how many times you’ve told your husband you want to move. You can even keep track of how many weirdos you meet in a day. The possibilities are endless.

All you have to do is leave me a comment. **I forgot to mention that I'll pick a winner on Wednesday, so leave your comment by midnight, June 30, EST.**

The best part? Not only is this home decor giveaway open to U.S. residents, Canadians can enter to win too. But Lebanon residents? Sorry man.

(Disclaimer: Even though a number of companies have contacted me asking to do giveaways, I will only give away things I truly think you'd enjoy. Like the, um, Snuggie giveaway I had. You know, only cool stuff.)

35 comments:

blognut said...

You probably should avoid that cashier next time you're in Stop 'n Shop. She sounds like a whacko!

Missy said...

That is funny! I agree, people are getting stranger by the day! Luckily, we are all normal! LOL

Suzi said...

Yeah....education in America at it's finest. Maybe that is why she works at Stop N Shop. You don't need to enter me in the contest.

Kate said...

Short-term memory loss can be fun for the whole family!

sarahthings said...

lol, I'm running off to tell my husband about the half lesbian family rightnow.

Ashley said...

Sweet. I would totally put a 5 above my kids time out spot. Just to remind him of how long he is there. So he'll quit freakin asking me.

Frogs in my formula said...

Ashley, I do that with my husband. He still asks...

Mrsbear said...

How the heck did I miss a Snuggie giveaway? S'alright. I'll take the numbers anyway.

You must have one of those friendly open faces that invites those types of bizarre exchanges. ;) Do you ever wish you could just make all of your purchases online?

Dto3 said...

I will never live down the Snuggie Hit and Run, will I?

2 Brits, 2 Yanks, 2 Dogs said...

Was she the girl that Jay Leno asked who lived at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave and didn't know but apparently knew that Spongebob lived in a pineapple under the sea!

Maybe she has the memory of a fish!

Lori said...

Good thing she doesn't have a map. Imagine if she knew about the island of Lesbos?

And some numbers would be swell.
lkziegler[at]gmail[dot]com

Delia said...

Maybe you should send Chuck to Stop 'n Shop from now on!

mo.stoneskin said...

What, lesbians aren't from Lebanon?

Lindy said...

You could be the new pitchman for all things needed in the blogosphere. You can shout how awesome your stuff is and then should you find shouting a little too tiresome you could wear the headset like the sham-wow dude.

Best of luck. And may your wood floors always be shiny.

heedpantsnow said...

If you had responded with "Lebanon...but sweetie, it's a state not a country." That would have shorted out her brain for perhaps the rest of her shift. Or more likely, she'd have gone through the rest of her life believing it's a state.

Baby News said...

Wow! a 2-second memory. I think I met some people in college with that same ailment. I don't think they returned the next semester....

The numbers sound awesome...I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

Gabriel said...

That is seriously funny. Strangeness is in the eye of the beholder, and I see nutjobs everywhere I go

Wendy said...

I can't believe she forgot the name of the... wait, what was it again?

You always have such great stories!

kyooty said...

YAY!!!for Canada, 1 Canadian entery? see the counting, Yep! I've love these for MJ! :)

do they stick to clothes?

Brandy said...

ooooh pick me. I need to keep track of all the times I roll my eyes.

Sheila said...

LOL! CUTE! I'm glad I'm not full blood lesbian or lebanese, whatever! LOL!

The Mother said...

While you're giving away numbers, can you give some to my investment account? It could use a boost.

And maybe a few to the federal debt. Negative ones, please.

Katie, Ohio said...

So how long do you think that cashier will embarass that poor child with that story. Cruel!

Would love some numbers for my 2-year-old who's number obsessed! "Un -- two -- fee -- pour -- pive," seems to be his mantra.

Pricilla said...

Uhm...what if you are in Lebanon, NJ? huh, huh?

Not that I am but what if?

heh heh

You do seem to meet some erm, interesting folk there in mulletville. Uh, keep 'em there, 'kay?

I guess I am a feisty goat this morning. I wonder what was in my coffee?

Ms. Salti said...

I may forget something 2 seconds after I say it, but I'd never admit that to anyone! Jeez!

Anne said...

I knew there was a reason I hated Stop & Shop. If you use the automatic scanner, you don't have to talk to anyone during check out (I'm just sayin').

C.B. Jones said...

I always thought my neighbors dog(or all dogs) would look cool with Nascar like sponsorship, and a few numbers slapped on the side.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Cashiers are amazing and unique! I bet she stored that up as her story for the day for all her favorite customers!! Poor thing just forgot a small detail!! Maybe she's like Dory!

Leanne said...

Um, I think I'd change grocery stores and maybe even TOWNS. Actually, just find out if this woman graduated high school in youre town and then make your decision before you start school there with your own kid.

I'll count on winning - not even close to punny. Sorry. Thanks for including us Canucks! :)

Joanie M said...

This is for Mo. No, silly! Lesbians are from the Island of Lesbos, one of the Greek Isles!

Pablo Guero said...

I once had a Lebanese girlfriend. Her name was Roula. Sometimes I would serenade her, substituting her name in the song "Lola." It didn't last.

Elle said...

I'm not a lesbian or Lebanese..not that there's anything wrong with that, but I could use some numbers.

Our Crazy Life said...

You meet the most interesting people at stores huh?!?!?
I would love to have these stickers to use in my daughter's room.

andy said...

perhaps she was sniffing the permanent markers for too long...

and if i can use the numbers to stick onto people i work with as a ranking system of most favourite to least favourite? count me in, sister!

andy

marybt said...

I attract bizarre stories too. The day before yesterday the guy at the office next door to ours comes in bellowing, "I NEED A HANGER! MY SINK IS CLOGGED AND I NEED A HANGER!" I said we didn't have one, but her could borrow our plunger. "A PLUNGER WON'T WORK! THE SINK IS CLOGGED AND IT HAS TO BE A HANGER! I DON'T KNOW HOW THE SINK GOT CLOGGED! DON'T YOU HAVE A HANGER?!" Then he left.

I lead a charmed life. :p

I just stumbled on your blog this morning and I'm having a good time reading it. :)

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