Do you hear someone shouting from the rooftops? It’s me.
IT’S ME IT’S ME IT’S ME.
Look! There’s a little boy vacuuming.
He’s playing with the iPlay® Home Vacuum Cleaner. And the vacuum is blue. Not hussy Barbie pink.
I found this progressive lad when the Young Explorers catalog was accidentally delivered to my doorstep. I’m happy (enough to take a picture, obviously) but…
The copy says the vacuum sounds just like “mom’s upright.”
Come on. Young Explorers, I was willing to have your love child until I read that. (I still might be convinced, but it would take a lot of heavy petting.)
At least it's better than the Rose Petal Cottage Playhouse by Playskool.
Do you see what it says? Here, I'll read it to you:
“Every girl needs space to call her own…”
Is that supposed to be some kind of demented spin-off of Virginia Woolf’s A Room of One's Own? I really hope not. Because I believe Woolf was referring to the need for women to have a space of their own for self-expression, exploration and growth. Not—I repeat, not—for folding socks or baking muffins.
You rat bastards.
The fabulous marketing copy continues: “…and this fabric-covered playhouse gives little imaginations a place to roam free…and help little homemakers feel right at home. [You can even] slide the halves together to form a one-room dwelling!”
How fabulous! Nothing like instilling in your daughter a sense of domestic strangulation.
Mommy, Mommy, the walls are caving in and I haven’t added the fabric softener.
Playskool can bite me. They make Motrin look like Gloria Steinem.
Wanna guess what Junior's getting for Christmas? One Rose Petal Cottage Playhouse please.