Sunday, December 7, 2008

Ahoy! I bring word from King Peckerhead

I was absolutely tickled to get a personal message today from none other than Ruane Nipple. Mr. Nipple and I go way back. I was delighted he reached out to me before the holidays. I hope and pray that his mother, Bertha Buttcheek, will be able to bring her famous fruitcake to Mulletville this year. Little Sammy Sphincter must be getting so big.

Imagine my surprise when Mr. Nipple neglected to give me updates on his darling family and instead wrote the following:

Show your sweetheart how much you love her!!!
Only today: CLICK HERE

His company. It was high time to get rid of him. A smile with mount. Now, said the general, dropping rapid travelers had the habit of regarding his consequences). From the vedic point of view, virtue of all these monsters and it was not without an.

Dammit! This man lied. He promised that if I turned off my comment verification setting I would not get spammed.



I must admit I am intrigued by this cryptic prose smattered with poor grammar and unfinished sentences. I want to know more about this fast-paced fleet of nomads dropping an unspecified substance. What could it be? LSD? Powdered sugar? And what’s with the vedic stuff? The vedic was one of the first White Star Line ships to be sent to the scrap yard in the 1900s. Did that upset the monsters? Were they spooky old sea monsters with four eyes that swallowed ships? ’Cause that’s kind of what I’m envisioning. Tentacles with suckers and fangs gnawing on rickety wooden boats as little seamen screamed for their lives.

Speaking of seamen, I’m sure you can guess where the “click here” takes you? Yup, a virtual candy store chocked full of Cialis, Viagra and EnhanceRx Capsules.

I don’t get it. Can someone explain the reason for the crappily written story? And while you’re at it, can you forward me the Nipples' new address? The Christmas card I sent to 456 Titty Terrace never made it.


I'm way behind on thank yous for the awards and mentions I got from some awesome bloggers (though they may be rescinded after that post), so here goes:

Thanks to Two Greyhound Town for these awards:

C-3PO over at Football said the "Most Freakin' Sexy" alum award was coming my way, but it never did. I guess he's still too busy on his back to get around to sending it.

She Lives gave me this awesome nod:

And I've been tagged with the Bookworm meme by My Funny Dad, Harry. That is next on my to-do list.

In the spirit of the upcoming holidays, if you haven't gotten an award please take one (or two, if you're greedy like me). When you post it/them on your blog (a) be sure to tell me and (b) be sure to tell everyone Mrs. Mullet gave it/them to you.


Keely said...

Aw, I NEVER get spam! I've had my comment verification thingie turned off for ages.

Sigh. Even the spambots shun me.

Nicole said...

I don't know how you do it--your blog literally never disappoints!
*lots of laughs*

(I was stuck on that paragraph for about a half an hour until I read ahead--geesh!)

Anne said...

You have arrived! I am jealous. I never get spam (although apparently, I am controversial because I do get nasty comments). Getting spam means that you are important enough to show up in the search engines. I am so proud of you. Now, we should all visit that commenter so we can stock up on our meds for the holidays!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Yeah, I feel like I am not cool enough to get trolls and spammers because I have never gotten one. What's up with that? And I regularly post about dildos, boobs and nipple rings! you would think I would be a prime target!

I suppose I should be grateful. But instead I feel like I was left out of the party...

thedavies99 said...

I hate spam too. It's such a load of crap.

Frogs in my formula said...

I have arrived? And Ruane Nipple is holding the welcome sign? Never in my wildest dreams...

Ari from said...

Funny post. You'll appreciate this set of hand-lettered artworks by Linzie Hunter ... she took the subject lines from some of her unwanted emails, and created a series of pictures. Very funny, and out of their original context they're quite intriguing:

We all have our vices. Mine are just...bulkier

I've been away from this blog for awhile. I know . But see, we are trying to move. Just thinking about moving is hard, but actually tr...