Chuck just told me that today is Global Orgasm Day. Didja know that? Huh? Huh?
There's a whole website devoted to it, in which they explain that the day exists to "effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy."
Uh huh. They also take donations. The currency is VISA, my friends, not um, a global moan. The donations allegedly support Global Orgasm for Peace. Holy crap, and I thought the Goodwill was important.
So get off the computer right now and support peace by schtooping your loved one (or whoever the hell you want).
But wait! One more thing. Did you hear about this?
Yes, according to Health magazine, a new drug called Libigel (ew, how unsexy) has helped women experience a 238% increase in satisfying sexual experiences.
Is that number even mathematically possible? I can't help but picture women rocketing through their roofs, shooting to the moon (note the black bars because this is a PG site).
The only thing is, who exactly told Chuck about this important day? It's not a guy conversation. I mean really, which one sounds more plausible?
GUY: "Hey Chuck, today's Global Orgasm Day bro! Pound beers! Yah!"
GIRL: "Ooooh, Chucky wucky, today's big bad Orgasm Day. Ooooh."
See, it's totally a chick line. And he did have that thing with a bonbon.