I had a girls’ night out Saturday night—complete with a sleepover at a hotel. A random friend of mine from middle school came. She drank too much and ended up sharing the bed with me. (The last time we'd shared a bed was in eighth grade, when she came to Disney World with my family. Her braces were so thick—how thick were they?—they gave her fish lips.)
Even though it was the middle of the night, she kept turning to me and making casual conversation. Like, “I don’t feel so good. I think I might get sick.” Or, “Ugh, I just can’t fall asleep. I think it’s the stiff pillow.” At 5 a.m. she finally did get sick. I heard every bit of it, and let me tell you, it sounded like she vomited up an SUV. There were Oh, Gods and Nooooo, not agains.
Afterward she got in bed and said, “I just threw up taco salad and sushi. I feel much better.”
At 8 a.m. she woke me up and said she had to get going because her husband was home alone with their two kids. As she was leaving she said, “Great night!”
At that point I had the pillow over my face. My hand was waving good-bye but my mouth was screaming “YOUR TACO SALAD PROBLEMS RUINED MY NIGHT. I HATE YOU.”
Having a fellow mom sabotage your one opportunity to sleep well and sleep in is like having a fellow astronomer smash your telescope just as Halley’s comet is about to blow past. It just doesn’t make sense.
The next time I do a girls' night out, there’s going to be a questionnaire:
1. How many beers can you drink before the room starts to spin?
2. If the person next to you in bed rolls over, do you mistake this for an invitation to make conversation?
3. Do you understand that Mrs. Mullet never gets to sleep late? Are you going to fuck this up for her? Be honest.
At least Valentine's Day was lovely. I got a special surprise. I'd tell you all about it, but the cat just caught its tongue in the light socket. Now who would put tuna fish in a light socket? Maybe if I turn on the switch and throw some water on it...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
How to tell your third kid from your first
Note the appropriate response here is: "When did THAT happen?" because let's be honest, life is moving so fast, there's ...
-
I'm so tired. But I'm also very happy. Happy you can’t see my backyard, that is. It’s an embarrassment. Chuck and I have neglected i... -
I’d like to switch gears and talk about a serious matter—a matter called “What happens when you and your partner switch roles so completely ... -
I want to thank everyone who left me a comment on my flea post. I seriously expected comments like “You’re disgusting!” or “I’m never coming...
14 comments:
She would get "unfriended" from my Facebook, Twitter, address book, plus she would get a portion of my hotel bill.
Oh, no she didn't!! Flipping the bird in lieu of hand waving would have been completely justified. I hope your V-Day present included a morning of sleeping in uninterrupted.
How rude. Want Abby?
Oh that isn't good.
Who eats Taco Salad AND Sushi...and then also drinks.
That has me tasting vomit just thinking about it!
next time - you get your own room!
OMG ~ That's disgusting! I've done two girl's trips this last year and both were just the best times ever - 8 girls both trips and one of the gals was kind enough to share her "points" with all of us so, as a group we had access to the concierge lounge all wk-end long - fantastic!! Better luck next sleepover with your girlfriends! :)
I am with lindy. The though of taco salad, sushi, and alcohol just made me vomit on my keyboard.
Leave that poor cat alone!
I can't believe she kept you up all night and then woke you in the morning. Hasn't she ever heard of sneaking out while your bed partner is still asleep? I hope we will get to hear about Valentine's Day another time.
I think you should just avoid the whole room-sharing plan - that should do the trick.
She's a mom! She should know, the sleeping in uninterrupted is the highlight of the event, not the conclusion. Handle your liquor, woman!
Also, really, does she need to give you the details of her barf at 5 a.m.?
Oh that is so not right!! You deserve a nice of peace, quiet and sleep!!
Say what? you totally need to FORCE chuck to get up with Junior on Saturdays or something. And by force, I mean, tell him you won't shave your legs until he does it, and you'll be happy to snuggle him all through the night into the wee hours of the morning.
But me? I'm kinda a bitch like that.
Yikes. I may be that friend come May, when my friends and I head to NYC for five glorious, kidfree days. I don't drink, so only god knows what might happen...
Post a Comment